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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

How long do you think you can leave your childen for to go on holiday.......

73 replies

fairyfly · 14/05/2006 11:23

Before it becomes damaging?

A weekend,week, fortnight, month?

What are the consequences of leaving them? How does it effect them pyschologically in the long run?

I understand that many parents wouldn't even consider this from the basis they would miss the child. I want to discuss more what the child goes through, how it reacts and what is a safe amount of time to keep them settled secure and happy.

Obviously age and where they will stay has huge bearing on this.

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zippitippitoes · 14/05/2006 11:25

I had dgs last summer for about 5 days and it was too long...he was about 15 or 16 months

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JoolsToo · 14/05/2006 11:26

I think it depends on the childs age

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zippitippitoes · 14/05/2006 11:30

my parents left me and my older sister at my grandma's to go on holiday when she was expecting my little brother ..I was nearly 5 or just 5 and I never forgave her for years..this was somewhat compounded by the fact that she was diagnosed with diabetes at arounf the same time and hospitalised and then when he was born he was hospitalised for a couple of months too..I was massively jealous of him ever after

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Northerner · 14/05/2006 11:30

Personally, I think a week is too long, and I wouldn't do it if they were under 10.

I can just about manage a weekend, but we do it maybe twice a year.

I know a couple who do this on a regular basis, 10 days at a time maybe 3 times a year with sleepovers and weekends away thrown in aswell. KIds are insecure and badly behaved tbh.

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fairyfly · 14/05/2006 11:32

Too long for you or too long for him zippi? How did he react?

I'll be more specific. My children are 7 and 5. I have been asked to go away for ten days. I have said no. But much to my suprise the reactions i have had is, go kids will be fine, what on earth are you worried will happen to them.

I'm not worried anything will happen to them i just felt it wasn't right or fair. I'm not sure why though. What harm does it cause?

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zippitippitoes · 14/05/2006 11:37

He just expected his parents back which i found rather sad to say the least..but I'm not a great advocate of going away and leaving young children and have been quite vociferous about it in the past.

It depends who you leave them with..I think 10 days is too long for your children's age but I doubt many will agree with me.

I tend to think families should spend precious holiday time together. Presumably though it is a romantic break you are thinking of?

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fairyfly · 14/05/2006 11:45

I just know that their are so many rules of parenting and some don't seem to have any basis. I really would like to find out how being left for ten days effects you in later life, if at all it does.

No its not a romantic holiday, i wouldn't find it all romantic if he suggested i left my kids. I would wrap the travel catalogue round his head. It's for his friends wedding in Thailand.

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zippitippitoes · 14/05/2006 11:49

well provided you don't come back with a baby you'll probably find they are fine...I hated my parents going anywhere, but I was an extremely patholigically shy and sensitive child. I used to have a big worry that my parents would die.

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GDG · 14/05/2006 11:50

Does anyone really know what harm it does, or doesn't do? I think you just have to go with your gut instinct about what feels right for you.

Personally I would not leave my 7 and 5 yr old for 10 days either. I wouldn't go away for more than 2 nights max with a 5 yr old, but that's me.

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GDG · 14/05/2006 11:51

That's interesting to know zippi. Ds2 is 3.5 and his is veeery shy and sensitive and quite often says 'you are not leaving me?' even if say we are going out somewhere, together, and I just get too far ahead of him toward the door

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fairyfly · 14/05/2006 11:51

I am GDG, im not going. I knew that straight away. It just got me thinking.

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fairyfly · 14/05/2006 11:52

I wonder why you thought they might die Zippi, that must have been harrowing.

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fattiemumma · 14/05/2006 11:58

I think that if you explain to teh kids where you are going and that theyw il be getting a treat when you come home they will be ok.
theywill miss you of course, but then if they didnt you would be upset, right lol

as long as they are staying somewhere they know well and feel safe they will probably enjoy their time away just as much as you.

my parents went away when i was 3 and my brother about 18 months ( it was actually the honeymoon they had had to postpone due to our arrivals) i dont think im too scard by it. the only thing i have ever whinged about is that they went to disney land and i still havent been lol

go, enjoy yourself and then take the kids away later as a family, purely child centred holiday

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zippitippitoes · 14/05/2006 12:01

I don't know but I guess it was something to do with three of my grandparents being dead by the time I was 5 and the son of my dad's best friends whom i knew was killed on a motorbike around that time, also twins at my school called martin adn nicholas were killed with their parents when their boat caught fire and blew up on the Thames around the same time. I missed them all terribly.

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supakids · 14/05/2006 12:03

2 nights and im feeling tortured.

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supakids · 14/05/2006 12:04

Its our anniversary at the end of May and I am looking for somewhere romantic to stay but I can also take my ds.

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fairyfly · 14/05/2006 12:05

How sad, it is hard to express grieving as a child isn't it.

Fattiemumma, they wouldn't miss me, my parents spoil them rotten.

I think they deserve a holiday with my boyfriend and i more than anyhing.

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fattiemumma · 14/05/2006 12:07

i have only ever left DS overnight once (he is now 5) ad i ended up turning up at the sitters (nanny) house at 7am because i just couldnt sleep.

silly i know. he was perfectly hapy and didnt even want to come home lol

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fairyfly · 14/05/2006 12:08

i dont miss my children when i have left them, I love them, think of them, talk about them, But at the end of the day we're all individuals and its important we grow independantly. I think leaving them is good for them, it's important for social skills.

I was just interested in how long you can before it isn't good for them anymore.

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zippitippitoes · 14/05/2006 12:09

I'm sure plenty of kids are happy to be left while parents go away, but it's not something I could do voluntarily..I fancy this did annoy exh somewhat.

I also remember all those don't worry she will be fine as soon as you've gone conversations going on above my head. But I also had a vivid imagination and was very stubborn, certifiable offences as far as my (lovely though) mum was concerned!

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Twiglett · 14/05/2006 12:11

My sisters have offered to have DS(5) and DD (2) for a week

I must admit I am torn

would never have left DS at the age of 2 ... but I feel that together they'll be confident, happy and fine

we're thinking we might go away for a long weekend

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puff · 14/05/2006 12:23

Me and dh went away for a week when ds1 was 18 months. He stayed with my Aunt who he has always been very close to (she's fantastic and has been a surrogate Mum to me as my Mum died whilst I was pregnant with ds1).

He had spent so much time with her around, he was absolutely fine.

You know your kids, and whoever you would leave them with, so it's your call.

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roisin · 14/05/2006 12:25

If the children feel secure and loved where they are staying, I don't think there's a problem.

Four years ago when mine were 3 and 5 we left them with my parents for a fortnight when we moved house: so they had the trauma of moving house (350m) and leaving all their friends behind and their whole life. They had a whale of a time with grandparents, and settled very quickly in the new house.

I would say take the opportunities you have when you have them. Two months after this my dad was diagnosed with cancer, so they haven't been able to go and stay since.

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fairyfly · 14/05/2006 12:33

You are right Roison. My mother has just recovered from cancer. But i think in this case i have an opportunity to go on holiday with my kids while i can and one day i will not be able to do that.

I will kee a watchful eye on the subject and see if i can stick to my decision.

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Mala · 14/05/2006 12:34

My dh took my dd away for a week when she was 3 and a bit, to visit his parents. I really couldn't make it due to lack of holidays. I was really dreading it, as prior to this I hadn't left her even overnight and she is very much mummys girl. It was much better than I expected. I prepared her atleast a month ahead so she knew what to expect. She did miss me, but was not distressed. I missed her, but I really enjoyed the time to myself. If I had the choice I wouldn't have left her, but it really was better than I expected. She was clingy for a bit when she saw me after the week, but apart from that I haven't seen any ill effects from the trip. It really has changed my view of this now. I give my dd alot of love and attention with very little help(no family close-by and dh always working), I think a week-10 days without me will not cause irreversible trauma in her like I thought it would. Good luck with your decision.