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The politics of parties

(2 Posts)
csmm Fri 12-Apr-13 16:06:33

This is a bit long-winded and more of just a rant, but please bear with me.

My DS turns 7 in two weeks time and I'm currently 35wks pg with DC2. Given how early Easter fell this year this is the first time he's been at school over his birthday, so we've not been able to get away with not doing anything too much. Also I want to give him a special birthday as it'll be the last on his own and I don't want him to feel he's missing out on anything because of the new baby.

We've just put the house on the market and I've become neurotic about keeping the place clean and tidy, not to mention getting stupidly tired just walking down the road. In previous years we've had a couple of his friends over and played a few games, but that's not really an option this time as I'm not up for running around after a bunch of screaming kids then cleaning up later. So we decided to do the whole booking somewhere thing. Problem is, it's bloody expensive and we can't afford to invite the whole class as we don't have a spare £240-odd quid. We've decided on bowling, as there's no minimum number, it's at the lower end of the price range, and we told DS he can invite 7 friends.

So we wrote down a list of who he wants to invite and off he went to school today with invitations to his 'friends'. Now DS is, well, a bit different. He's rather theatrical and exuberant (I say rather - this could teach Liza Minnelli a few things about flamboyance), but very confident and sometimes he has clashes with some of the kids in his class. However, one of the girls he invited didn't open the invite, announced she wasn't going because another girl wasn't invited, then scored out her name and wrote the name of a boy my DS doesn't get on with and gave it away. As far as I'm concerned she doesn't deserve to come if she's going to be like that. But when I asked my son who he'd rather invite instead and who he got on with he said that no one in his class liked him. He knew this because the boy he doesn't get on with apparently asked everyone in the class a couple of days ago.

I've suggested to my son that no one likes to feel left out and if he's been going on about his party to everyone that those not invited might feel hurt about that. I've also suggested that he might want to spend more time playing with some of the nicer kids, and stay away from those that sound rude and unpleasant. He's decided who he'd like to invite instead too and I'm hoping that they can come so he doesn't feel rejected.

This is a long rambling, I know and thanks for staying with me this far if you have. I guess I have a question though. There is a competition tomorrow that all the kids and their parents will be at. Should I approach the mother of the girl that threw her invite away and explain the situation? There have been a couple of other incidents lately involving this child, but I've had to be into the school about the other boy a few times and don't want to be the parent who's too precious about their child, complaining constantly about other kids.

I guess I just feel really upset for my son.

lavendersgreen Fri 12-Apr-13 18:39:31

Oh dear, children's parties are a minefield arn't they?

I think that, yes, I would mention it to the girl's mother - make it as unconfrontational as you can and just stick to the facts. I would want to know if it was my DD.

Good luck csmm, I hope everything works out and your DS has a fab birthday.

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