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Anyone with a smallish gap between DC1 and DC2 and then a bigger gap until DC3 - what impact did having DC3 have on your family dynamic?

(16 Posts)
Guitargirl Sun 07-Apr-13 16:28:26

We have 2 DCs - aged 6 and 4. I am keen to ttc a third child but DP is less so. For lots of reasons if we were to start ttc it couldn't be until the summer at the earliest which would mean that even if we were lucky enough to conceive straight away there would be a 5+ yr age gap between DCs2+3.

Our DCs get on very well together, they are best mates and play really well together. DP is worried that a third child would feel left out as he/she got older. I think he also feels a bit like we have 2 healthy DCs, we're getting on a bit and he doesn't want to 'be greedy/push our luck'.

So, if you have a slightly bigger age gap between your DC2 and DC3, how did it effect your family dynamic? Do they play together? Does DC3 feel left out?

Sleepingbunnies Sun 07-Apr-13 16:37:51

Watching with interest. I have 2 girls with a 2.5 year age gap but it's not looking like number 3 is on the cards til next year at the earliest which would be a 3.5 year gap between 2 and 3, which while not massive I wanted a similar age gap to the first two sad

WMDinthekitchen Sun 07-Apr-13 16:47:33

I have an age gap of 15 months between DCs 1 and 2 and 6.5 years between DCs 2 and 3. DC1 and 2 adored their little sister but resented the time I spent on her everyday care. The difficulties were not helped by DC3 being extremely lively, walking at 10 months and climbing on any available surface. We managed but it was a difficult time. They are all grown up now but I have never recovered the relationship I originally had with DC1 and 2. The children are close, though and I guess my experience is not typical.

jillycar Wed 10-Apr-13 20:21:16

Bump!!

Spookey80 Wed 10-Apr-13 20:31:21

I too am watching with interest, so sorry no advice.
However I have a 4yo dd and 2 yo ds, and would not be starting ttc until summer also, so feel would a 3.5 year as gap between the last two be too much? I know this is actually not a large gap, by I have generally loved having an 18mth gap between them, and I also know there would prob not be a baby no. 4, so also concerned for dc3, and the effect on them.
Ahhh, its so hard isn't it? Such a big decision this time, not just for me, but for the other members of our family.
Someone on mn once told me " to ink about the family you want in the future", and this is what makes me think yes, as I would like a houseful really! And for them as siblings as I always enjoyed having 3 siblings, all with very different age gaps.

SirChenjin Wed 10-Apr-13 20:43:19

We have less than 2 years between the first 2 (aged 13.5 and 15.5) and then we have a big gap of 7.5 years and 9.5 years between them and our youngest who has just turned 6. He was a surprise, although very much adored.

If I'm being completely honest - and I hate saying this, because we wouldn't be without him now we have him, iykwim - he has completely changed the family dynamic, and more so since the older 2 have become teenagers. Dh is 50 and I'm 44, so not exactly the youngest, but where we should be enjoying long lies, relaxed weekends and holidays, meals out, long hikes/bike rides, trips out in the evenings etc etc we're now up with the lark and trying to maintain a reasonable bedtime for the youngest (who is VERY lively), and trying desperately to find things that suit 2 teenagers and a 6 year old. It's almost impossible tbh, and becoming increasingly difficult. We're also finding it difficult from a financial POV as we are back to paying for afterschool and holiday care for him which eats into the family budget.

If I was going to do it again I would definitely not have such a large age gap - all our friends are enjoying a time where their teenagers are pretty independent and can see a time when they will be leaving to go to university, whereas we are back at the swing park and swimming lesson stage. If you have a good supportive family network around you who would be able to help by looking after the youngest while you spend some adult time together with the older children then I think that would help enormously.

nappydaysagain Wed 10-Apr-13 20:43:28

There is 2 years 5 months between DS1 and DS2 and 6years and a half years between DS2 and DS3.

When he was first born his brothers doted on him and were really caring.

They are 11 (nearly 12), 9 and 2 yrs 10 months. The oldest and youngest are still very close, and even their friends spoil DS3.

WithASpider Wed 10-Apr-13 20:56:29

I have 20 months between my DDs, then 4.1 years between DD2 and DS.

From the word go he has been adored by both of them, and he goes through phases when he prefers one to the other like most siblings! The girls fight like cat and dog but always have time for their brother.

Our main issue was with DD2, she's always been rather clingy and as she started school the week before DS was born it tipped her over the edge. I started making more time for her and now things are more settled.

The nice thing was getting all day at home alone with DS, like having PFB again!

They are 9, 7, and 3 now.

barleysugar Wed 10-Apr-13 21:01:11

For us it's been ideal. Our third has brought us all closer, he's made the older girls more empathic and less self centred. As he is only 16 months old now, there are times when I feel like I can't do as much with the girls as he is too young,eg going to the cinema, bowling etc, and as he will only nap in his cot, we are tied to the house a bit during these holidays. I make certain he still goes to the childminder two days a week though even when I'm on holiday so I can't devote myself to girly times!

But, it's absolutely marvellous having a third after a four year gap. The older two have each other, nothing will change that - they are as close as twins. But when they get fed p with each other they have a little boy to coddle and chase after!

woopsidaisy Wed 10-Apr-13 21:28:31

DSs are 8.5 and6.
They were very excited about having a baby. They love him to ibits, and he just worships them.
Sure if will all change when he starts getting in to their stuff! They have t been jealous at all, even though I have bf on demand.

FurryFox Wed 10-Apr-13 21:41:42

My dd1 is 7.5, dd2 was 5 in December, dd3 is 3 weeks tomorrow and dh is currently pacing around with her trying to get her to settle grin.

So far so good! Dd1 and 2 adore Dd3 at the moment but its all very new and fairly easy with a newborn. We have done loads these Easter holidays. I hope dd3 never feels left out, I don't think she will.

Although early days for us dd3 has definitely had less of an impact than dd2 did. I found baby and toddler very very hard, dd3 is just slotting in smile and I had always said I would never want a gap bigger than three years.

bumpybecky Wed 10-Apr-13 21:44:42

there's 2 years 5 days between dd1 and dd2, then 4 years 9 months between dd2 and dd3

dd3 gets on fairly well with her older sisters, but I do think she's older for her age that they were as she's exposed to stuff earlier

however, dd3 gets on really well with ds who's 2 years 11 months younger than she is smile

so bigger gap worked fine for us, but we'd planned on having 4! smile

Amilliondifferentpeople Tue 16-Apr-13 08:21:51

Giving this a mini bump as I'm really interested in this too.

Op have you thought any more?

littleducks Tue 16-Apr-13 08:31:46

I'm doing this, I worried about the same issues as you then fell unexpectedly pregnant.

Dd is 7 this year and ds just turned 5. Baby due in October. Kids are thrilled, I still have niggly worries.

DH thinks it could all be solved by having a dc4 with a 22 month gap. I have had HG and felt like shit this pregnancy so aren't really up for it but can see how he thinks it would help.

I feel guilty about several things for this baby, I was a SAHM with my younger two for several years but this baby will go to nursery at the end if my maternity leave. Dd and ds have their own rooms and although they are both keen to share atm I'm worried this will change.

So I guess I could give you proper answers in a year or two!

darlingdds2 Tue 16-Apr-13 18:09:10

I have a 2.5 year gap between the two eldest and 7 and 5 year gap with the 3rd. So far it has worked out fine. My two eldest love the little one very much and play with him a lot. I was one of 3, the youngest by some years and I found it fine as well.

peeriebear Tue 16-Apr-13 18:20:12

Not my DCs but me- there are two years between my older brother and I then seven years between my younger sister and I. My bro and I were thick as thieves and along with my mum's sister (huge age gap, a year older than me!) we were like an impenetrable club my younger sister could never join. We were not close because I hated sharing a room with her and resented being forced to babysit. (I know, I sound a charmer). Now we get on very well I hasten to add.

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