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any other alternative parents out there?

(21 Posts)
superbagpuss Sat 06-Apr-13 21:07:15

my dh and I are slightly alternative, he has shoulder length hair and I am pretty grunge still, despite being far to old for it. we are trying to bring our DT sons up with strong morals and the ability to think for themselves but they are 3.8 so we make all the decisions for them. so they listen to rock music and only watch programme we find suitable, which excludes a lot of modern rubbish. they look the same as other boys, SD short hair etc, but are we setting them up to not be able to fit in when they start school in September? I know this is a small thing but I would love my boys to have an easy time with their peers

superbagpuss Sat 06-Apr-13 21:08:08

can I add they also listen to classical music and I read to them a lot as well

MatchsticksForMyEyes Sat 06-Apr-13 21:11:37

I don't think anything you are doing is vastly different to any other parents. Most people would not let their dc watch programmes they find unsuitable. I also don't think them listening to a variety of different music will set them apart from their peers.
My DD is 5 and I tell her that is is only important what SHE likes. She doesn't have to do/like things just because her peers do.

I don't see anything in your post that would mean your kids wouldn't 'fit in' tbh.

LizzyMcGuire Sat 06-Apr-13 21:12:54

It's all a bit 'I'm mad, me' isn't it?

Just BE.


FigAndPear Sat 06-Apr-13 21:13:17

I don't think other families are as clone-ish as you may think they are. We are pretty much as you describe but I've never thought of it as being a "thing", tbh. It hasn't set us apart, if that's what you're asking, but we don't have any conscious notion of being set apart either.

Booyhoo Sat 06-Apr-13 21:13:52

that is alternative? confused

sounds pretty normal to me. dont all parents influence their dcs music and tv choices for the first few years? and most parents try to bring their dcs up with strong morals and the ability to think for themselves.

wrt hair- my ds2 has long blonde curly hair until just before he turned 3. he'd never had it cut. i only cut it because his dad was getting really pissed off with it and i worried he might take him and get it all shaved off so i took him and got a nice but not too harsh cut.

and all parents want their dcs to have as easy a time as possible with their peers. smile

superbagpuss Sat 06-Apr-13 21:15:34

thanks for all the comments. I was bullied all through school for being different, am probably being hyper aware to protect my boys from that. glad to hear I'm not getting it all wrong :-).

motherinferior Sat 06-Apr-13 21:16:29

Oh, I was hoping for yurts. And polygamy. I feel cheated. Shoulder length hair and curtailed telly-watching won't cut it, really.

FigAndPear Sat 06-Apr-13 21:16:58

Yes, if you've gone through something yourself, your feelers will be right out. I'm sure you'll find like-minded souls at the school gates, if you look smile

Booyhoo Sat 06-Apr-13 21:22:24

i was bullied at school too OP. tbh, i cant see anything that was different about me that would have caused it. probably the original incident lowered my self confidence and made me an eaiser target but i dont think there was anything my parents could have done differently (except maybe help me with my after the initial stuff) to prevent it.

raise your children to know they have your support through everything and that you will always have their back and that there is nothing at all wrong with them no matter who says what. bullies exist because they aren't nipped in teh bud the first second and third times they pick on a child, they dont exist because other children are different. if that makes sense.

Booyhoo Sat 06-Apr-13 21:23:23

helped me with my confidence after the initial stuff

wisemanscamel Sat 06-Apr-13 21:24:06

Just out of interest - what kids' TV aren't they allowed to watch? I just wondered what alternative parents don't like?

Playing them your music's only got mileage for a few years though, OP so enjoy it while you can - mine would rather have died than listen to any more Cure/Smiths past the age of 7. Also, they are scarily Conservative in their political leanings. Still, unconditional love and all that...

nevergoogle Sat 06-Apr-13 21:25:25

at our school dreadlocks and undercuts are standard and not at all 'alternative'.

nevergoogle Sat 06-Apr-13 21:26:20

in fact we are alternative in that we have a TV. grin

morethanyoubargainfor Sat 06-Apr-13 21:29:51

I wouldn't worry, I have a ds 10 and I would say he is a misfit in a good way. he has a group of friends that are also misfits, he has found his way so far. when he started school we were calles ib a few times due to his 'answeeing back' we soon found out that he was just stating his opinion, like the time he said that to his reception teacher that boys can marry boys and the same for girls, he went to a Christian school and his teacher was extremely religious and said he was talking rubbish, so he stuck up for himself and said it wasnt and it was fair that you ahould be able to marry who you want to. The teacher then said well its not a proper marriage! He is at a different school now who last summer told him to have his hair cut aa it is mid way down his back, he said no and that it is unfair that girls can have long hair so why cant he! he never had it cut so now wears it tied back.

I suppose my point is, give a child the foundations and they will cope in the world and yes they are likely to find others with a similar mind set.

Booyhoo Sat 06-Apr-13 21:30:13

what is an undercut?

nevergoogle Sat 06-Apr-13 21:32:07

an undercut is where the hair is shaved close around the sides but stays long on top.

morethanyoubargainfor Sat 06-Apr-13 21:33:30

some of my post is missing somewhere out there in cyberspace! I went on to sayas long as a cchild knows that they are supported and loved by parents everything else can be resolved.

Booyhoo Sat 06-Apr-13 21:39:16

thanks nevergoogle.

Zatopek Sat 06-Apr-13 21:42:14

It's an interest topic. Whilst you might consider yourself 'alternative' compared to your peers you may not be 'alternative' parents. You may be 'alternative' in your looks and taste but you might 'parent' in the way the majority do.

If you, for example, follow Alfie Kohn, breastfeed for years, home educate or do not own a TV at all, you might be considered to lie outside of the mainstream.

As it happens I do the breasfeeding bit yet I don't really consider myself that alternative.

Don't worry too much about what happens at school. I keep myself to myself at the school gates, I'm a bit of a loner but my DD has made lots of friends.

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