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in laws and visitors

(9 Posts)
dontcarehow Fri 05-Apr-13 00:16:13

bit pissed off that my in laws have invited all their friends over to theirs when we visit. lo is only 6 weeks and i feel like it will all be a bit too much for her as she will no doubt be passed around. i feel the same about most visits but i can cope when its jst one or two people but by the sounds of it there is gping to be a house full. i think my main problem is that some of them are very domineering and will probably try and force advice on us and take over if she gets fussy which is bound to happen with all those people around. just wanted a vent really, i hope there are others who can sympathise. i know that these people are only excited to meet her but i just think its too early.

RunningAgain Fri 05-Apr-13 00:19:03

Really? Will it bother a 6 week old how many people are there?

SingingSands Fri 05-Apr-13 00:29:39

Reading between the lines, you think it's too early for you and you're dreading it. But, it might be nice showing off dd and I bet there will be less people there than you are imagining. And nobody can force advice on you. People will be happy to see you and your new baby, it will be a joyful meeting. Don't hide her away from family.

lifesobeautiful Fri 05-Apr-13 00:33:52

I would find that really bloody irritating...i feel your pain! If it was me I might feign illness at the last moment...then make a plan for your in laws to visit you instead. Your happiness, and your bubba's, must come first.

I have an extremely domineering mil - to the point where she once made a date for me to meet a member of her family who was visiting our town - without even consulting me first - when my DS was 10 DAYS old!! She literally called up to say 'so and so will be visiting you at 2pm on this date' grrrrrrrrr

scurryfunge Fri 05-Apr-13 00:40:59

I think that if you feel too overwhelmed by the attention then you will have to say so. Do you have an escape plan where you can spend some quiet time away from the throng?

rachi1990xx Fri 05-Apr-13 20:34:52

This happened to me wiv DS at 5 weeks old sum of DP family were taking over at a party n passing him round and wouldnt give him back so my partner and father in law physically removed him from them as DS and I were getting really worked up x shes your baby and its normal to be apprehensive if your not comfortable take her off them and stand ur ground i have a very overbearing aunty in law she seems to think she owns my son ! I found by not saying anything they thought it was ok x

rachi1990xx Fri 05-Apr-13 20:37:10

Also i found myself taking DS off into another room for a feed in the peace and quiet helped us both relax (i was hiding just a little bit grin) x

DontmindifIdo Fri 05-Apr-13 20:46:59

are you breast feeding? Perfect excuse to go off to another room. If not, also I'd go with DD needing to feed in private as she's fussy...

If they start handing her around, walk up with a big smile on your face saying "oh, she doesn't like being passed about, best I take her back before she starts screaming the place down, I'm sure noone wants that!"

If people start giving you advice just keep saying "no, it's not XXX, it's just she doesn't like big groups of people, you're a bit of a shy one aren't you DD?" with a little smile and "I'll just take her in the other room to calm down, you all carry on."

Be firm, stand your ground, you are the mum now, keep telling yourself "I'm the alpha woman now, they can't boss me about" - they will try, but you just make it clear you are ignoring them and think they are wrong. Remember, they are being rude by trying to make out you don't know your own child, there's nothing wrong with making it clear that you think you know your baby better than they do.

Alternatively, when are you supposed to be going to PILs? I'd get strategic diarrhea....

MiaowTheCat Fri 05-Apr-13 21:06:27

Being evil, and having a somewhat refluxy child - I'd be pre-loading the puke cannon just prior to the "pass the baby" session and seeing how many of the invited guests' tops we could get customised with trails of baby sick... but I've got that rotten streak in me!

It's horrid when you have in-laws who forget how things felt for them when they had their children... my MIL seems to have no boundaries whatsoever - has been known to bodily shove me out of the way to get to DD1 (I had to change a nappy with her shoving her body in between me and the baby - never have I wanted a mid-change pee to happen so much), rolled into the delivery suite when I was pushing with DD1 to "pick up door keys to the house" and proceeded to pull up a chair and give verbal encouragement, and after I put my foot down this birth and said I didn't want her visiting till we'd been home that first steamroller wreck week so I was in some form of routine (with two under-1 I needed that headspace to get things figured out and running relatively smoothly and to feel I looked vaguely competent - which is about the time it's taken, and yes it does rely on that routine to do so)... she suddenly mysteriously was "just passing and popping in - it would be sooooo nice to see the new baby" the couple of days around when I got discharged from the hospital so my wishes got steamrollered on that one as well.

Fucking witch didn't even bother calling out hello to me when they rolled by either - I was in the kitchen still frantically sterilising bottles and unpacking (we'd literally been home about 30 minutes) and sorting the eldest's food out - she rolls in, winds DD1 up so much that she wouldn't sleep for hours, and proceeds to go all grandmazilla on DD2 as well.

Am now refusing to go visit them at their house - at least at ours it's semi-manageable in that we can conveniently "have stuff to do" to limit visits to a few hours at a time and when she decides to complain and mock the kids' routines - at least they're in a familiar environment and she's less likely to do crap like barge in and giggle at me trying to get DD1 to sleep and then come in and ask loudly "OH HOW'S IT GOING - HEE HEE HEE" when she's just nodded off to wake her up again.

Other tactic to deter all but the most persistent and thick skinned (ie it wouldn't work on my MIL) - get the baby to go to sleep in a sling just as the visitors arrive - might keep lots of them at bay somewhat?

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