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Parenting

DD wants to be carried constantly at 18mths - please help me wean her off us

25 replies

furryfriends57 · 02/04/2013 10:48

DD is our pride and joy but is more often than not a whingey child. She is well able to walk on her own for the last few months and if we go out she takes off on her own and refuses to hold our hand. At home is where the trouble starts as she wants to be carried everywhere or on rare occassions walk with her around the house (where she wants to go) holding her hand. If we don't carry her / walk her she cries and gives out and can throw herself on the floor having a tantrum. She is particularly bad with DH as he is #1 in our house. Surprise DC2 is due in June and I'm really worried about how I will cope with a newborn and a demanding 19mth old. If anyone has any tips to wean her off us please please let me know .

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DrSeuss · 02/04/2013 12:26

Been there, done that! Put her on the floor and leave her there. She will lie down, she will scream, it will be embarrassing in public. However, if you stick with it, it will work. Oh, and buy reins, trying them at home first to get her used to it. Bribes are good! Walk to the corner and you get a sticker, now walk home for a glass of milk.

saycheeeeeese · 02/04/2013 12:31

I ignore my 18 moDD when she throws a tantrum. .it works and I don't do clinging either. She's my pfb but I don't have the patience or inclination to pander to her, we cuddle ob the sofa byt when im doing things like making dinner or sorting washing etc she knows that she has to amuse herself .
I probably sound horrible but we went through exactly what you're going through a few months ago and it drove me to the edge of my sanity so I let her throw a wobbler to show her it wouldn't work.

furryfriends57 · 02/04/2013 13:27

Thanks so much for your replies, sounds like we have to go the tough love route. I know its for the best but I dread what we will have to go through as she is a tough and determined character. How long did it take for your LOs to get the message that they had to entertain themselves. Sounds naive but in my innocence I was hoping there would be an "easier" way than the tough way but there never is with toddlers !

OP posts:

Iggly · 02/04/2013 13:54

Can you give her a trolley to walk around with? Might encourage her? Also sit with her and watch her play for a bit so she doesn't feel like you're always trying to leave her too it. Also let her join in with what you're doing. Tough love might back fire and she just wants more reassurance

rrreow · 02/04/2013 14:16

DS went through a phase like that (and still does sometimes). We have a lot of stairs (which at first was a total novelty to him, he learned to climb stairs very soon, before he could even walk, and soon after learned to descend them as well) as our property is divided over 3 floors, so we're always up & down all the time. DS prefers to be carried up/down the stairs but he's perfectly capable of doing it himself. So if I need to go to a different floor and he throws a tantrum I tend to just tell him where I'm going and that he can either go with me himself or can stay on the floor he's on and play with his toys. Then I just leave him to it.

Sunshine200 · 02/04/2013 16:11

My dd is exactly the same, she is 18 months and I have a baby due too so I know what you are going through! My DH is always having a go at me for going with her around the house, I do put my foot down sometimes but the tantrums are awful, and last for ages. I guess I will have to try the tough love too! Right now I'm wondering how I'm going to get the dinner cooked in peace! Good luck.

furryfriends57 · 02/04/2013 18:39

Day 1 in the Tantrum house, we are both trying to leave her on her own but she is having none of it. This is absolutely awful because she has wound herself up into a hysterical state. Why oh why do we get her into these bad habits and have to go through hell to get her out of them. Sunshine best of luck too, I know we have to do this because I wont be able to manage her and DC2 so will persevere. Just wish there was a manual of the things not to do that give them bad habits ...... if only

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saycheeeeeese · 02/04/2013 18:52

Awh I know, my DD used to purposefully make herself sick, just tell her "mummy is busy play with your tots" and keep returning her to them.

Stay strong, give her a cuddle and try again tomorrow.

saycheeeeeese · 02/04/2013 18:52

*toys

Iggly · 02/04/2013 19:02

It's not a bad habit. She's 18 months old and to expect her to entertain herself is unfair IMO. Sorry to be harsh but I always see threads like this - she'll get there, just reassure her. She's still a baby (when your next one is 18 months you'll realise how young it is).

saycheeeeeese · 02/04/2013 19:51

To expect her to entertain herself for 10 mins isn't unfair, it's teaching her a small amount of independence and prepare her for mummy not being able to cling to her when new baby arrives.

ImNotCute · 02/04/2013 19:58

I know when dc2 arrives dc1 will seem so old by comparison, but she is only tiny still at 18 months. Don't be too harsh with her, it's natural she wants to be close to you.

A bit of gentle encouragement to do things independently is great, but the arrival if a sibling can be tough and she will need some patience and understanding too.

ArabellaBeaumaris · 02/04/2013 20:02

I have an 18m old & I'm with iggly. They are just babies still.

I have best success occupying her by herself with playdough, water, or some sensory play like lentils rtc.

saycheeeeeese · 02/04/2013 20:11

I don't think anyone on this thread has encouraged OP to be harsh on her DD

Iggly · 02/04/2013 20:36

To expect her to entertain herself for 10 mins isn't unfair, it's teaching her a small amount of independence and prepare her for mummy not being able to cling to her when new baby arrives

no - but to leave them crying is. I would play with mine for a bit and once they got stuck in, I could leave them while I got on with things and pop back to check on them every few mins. I have two - I remember the days of newborn and toddler well.

saycheeeeeese · 02/04/2013 21:01

Yes but OP stated that her DD clings to her 24/7, I suppose everyone does things differently I don't see any harm in riding out a tantrum.

mamij · 02/04/2013 21:04

Has she got a baby doll? Maybe that will help her to understand when DS is coming. Start to get her to play, feed, cuddle the "baby". Take the baby out in her toy pushchair might encourage the walking a bit too.

Iggly · 02/04/2013 21:19

She's 18 months old - they had those phases at that age. When mine gets clingy, it is over quicker to sit with them for a bit then they settle as opposed to letting them scream themselves silly.

waterrat · 02/04/2013 21:42

Iggly your comment is unkind- not sure why anyone would be critical of the op here - she has been super cuddly and close with her little girl but needs to be able to walk around / do some things without constantly holding her - that is very normal at 18 months!

My 11 month old can keep himself busy for reasonable stretches while I get on with stuff - it's about them feeling content and secure so they don't have to be in your arms all day

The op is obviously a caring mum and trying to encourage that security so why pick on her

Iggly · 02/04/2013 21:47

How am I picking? I'm not. Maybe I've hit a nerve

furryfriends57 · 02/04/2013 22:58

OMG I never thought I'd start one of those threads that results in flamings . I would die rather than be unkind to DD who after many miscarriages was a wonderful addition to our lives but unfortunately the reality is that DC2 is coming soon and I won't be able to carry/hold her with a new baby in tow (hopefully). I was looking for any miracle cures that had worked for others because surely we can't be the only ones experiencing this ..... thanks to everyone for their helful suggestions and experiences

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furryfriends57 · 02/04/2013 22:59

oooops Helpful rather than helful!!!

OP posts:

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saycheeeeeese · 03/04/2013 20:43

OP don't worry there was no flaming, people just don't always agree when it comes to leaving children to tantrum or cry.

Misty9 · 03/04/2013 23:15

18mo ds is good at playing by himself, but lately, especially when he wakes from his nap, he won't be put down and so I tend to carry him until he calms down. A bit different from your situation, but it's not necessarily that you've got her into bad habits so pls don't feel bad.

I'm guessing you're pretty huge by now? How is she reacting and understanding about the impending arrival do you think? I'm wondering if the clinginess is anything to do with that?

I'm afraid the only cure I have for ds clingy times when I need to get on is...Peppa Pig DVDs... but I really wouldn't recommend getting into that habit!

Sunshine200 · 04/04/2013 20:14

The point is (if anything like mine) that they settle when you are with them but the minute you try to go into the kitchen to wash up they are climbing up your legs again! My dd will sit and watch tv with me next to her for ages, I think she is settled and try to put the dinner on and there she is at my ankles!
OP, at least yours is like it with your DH as well, mine is just with me so he can't be much help. The phase has lasted months and months too!
I'm starting to try going down to her level to reassure her, rather than actually picking her up (as shes getting so heavy), not working yet though!

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