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How do you deal with children who bicker non stop?

(13 Posts)
QuintEggSensuality Sun 31-Mar-13 14:27:08

Has anyone ever considered splitting the family up so mum lives with one child and dad with the other? If so, how is it working out?

I dont agree with boarding school, but I am wondering if this is something we have to look into as a cheaper alternative to two homes.

I think I am failing as a parent as we have not been able to get to any resolution, and I am not handling it very well.

I lost it totally this morning and just went back to bed and dh has taken the boys out. I am so angry and upset at their behaviour.

Floralnomad Sun 31-Mar-13 14:31:17

No advice ,but you have my sympathy as my two have only in the last year started being civil to each other (20 & 13) . My normal stance was if you can't say anything nice say nothing and aside from that just ignoring them as nothing I did or said made any difference and life's too short .

lljkk Sun 31-Mar-13 14:32:15

How old?
Must admit I tend to go out & leave DH to them. They don't bicker half as much around him as they do around me.

dothraki Sun 31-Mar-13 14:33:43

Quint - mine drove me round the twist. Then one day by accident I must have done/said something daft and they ganged up on me. At first I was irritated - then I heard them laughing together, and I realised that this was the way to go. I know this must sound really stupid - but it did work. Maybe you should also rope dh in as well, so sometimes he's the bad guy - and you 3 can laugh at him. Life was so much easier after this accidental revalation.

QuintEggSensuality Sun 31-Mar-13 14:36:59

They are 10 and 7. sad

The 10 year old is annoying the entire family by singing one line of a song non stop. We cant make him stop. (I guess we could lock him in the shed until he promises to stop) In the end, the 7 year old shouts "shut the fuck up" and bashes him with a pillow or anything he has at hand. 10 year old takes revenge. etc.

10 year old will also punch and hit and kick 7 year old. Who takes revenge.

It was spectacular on Friday, when ds1 took a lump of snow and put inside ds2s clothes, so he was wet and cold on his back. They were skiing. Next thing you know, ds2 jumped ds1 and covered his face in snow, in front of ds1s mates, humiliating him. (well deserved) And so it continues.

I have this sort of shit every morning, in the car on the way to school, in the car from school, at home when cooking dinner. At bed time. All the time.
I am at breaking point. I just cannot handle them.

QuintEggSensuality Sun 31-Mar-13 14:39:17

Oh I have done the daft thing. I have also tried to raise ds1s self confidence by letting him handle a lot of technical stuff and praising him. This has backfired.
They dont respect me, he think I am pretty stupid.

Now if I tell him off for bad behaviour he either just smirks and laughs at me, or shrugs.

pamelat Mon 01-Apr-13 22:55:12

Mine are 5 and 3, dd and ds.

They get on well out but squabble constantly at home "mummmmmeeeee"

Driving me mad

They aren't so bad with DH and I think it's because he ignores them?!

pigletpower Sun 07-Apr-13 01:09:08

Oh my god! Was going to post for help with this very nightmare.DS7 and DD4 are an absolute fucking hellzone at the moment.Constant tittle tattle,arguing,biting and lashing out.From both of them.Try to seperate as much as possible,but can't do it 24/7.In fact suggested,half in jest,that we would have to split up and DH can take DS and I'll have DD14 and DD4.sad.Would honestly do this at this moment in time.My nerves are shredded and even my normally great parents are noticing that something is seriously amiss with their behaviour.Would Family therapy be a good idea?

SummerRainIsADistantMemory Sun 07-Apr-13 01:37:39

Dd and ds1 are 18 months apart and kill each other constantly.

I have a few rules:

No telling on each other unless violence is involved, sort out your differences yourselves.

If you can't say anything nice keep your mouth shut

Wailing as if you're being disembowled will get you in just as much trouble as pulling hair will (that one is aimed at dd)

If you start it don't expect sympathy when the other retaliates

They need to be reminded of the rules fairly regularly but I stick to them, I don't get involved unless someone is hurt and if they were both being physical they both get in trouble.

They fight a lot but they do love each other, its just a case of differing personalities which they're going to have to learn to get past.

hellocatty Mon 08-Apr-13 13:17:29

I really feel for you I have a lot of issues with my DS.
I am no expert but from what you say your DS1 seems to think he can rule the roost and annoy everyone in the house.
I know you want to build up his self esteem but it is also important children also learn respect and smirking and thinking you are stupid is not on.
It sounds like your husband is a good support.
Could you and DH sit the boys down with a list of new house rules and make it perfectly clear what the consequences are of failing to follow those rules.
I know it's basic and I know you probably don't have the energy but he is 10 now and if you don't sort him out he is going to just get even worse as a teenager.
Hope you get it sorted out!

Andro Mon 08-Apr-13 15:09:45

My mother sent me to boarding school, trust me when I say that sending one away will only result in sibling hatred - splitting the family to split the siblings in other ways are probably just a doomed to failure.

12 year age gap here though...and I still hate my brothers.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase Mon 08-Apr-13 15:17:46

What SummerRain said - that's pretty much what I do too, almost all the same rules (DD 7.5 and DS1 5.5) I also threaten them with being sent to their rooms separately for a loonnngg time - neither much likes being alone and I rarely have to do it.

Our situation must be much milder though because although mine fight and howl they also play together a lot and really clearly love each other - its just normal close in age sibling stuff. Mine are pretty much the same size physically so I don't feel guilt letting them fight it out a little bit, as long as nobody's actually getting hurt smile So far neither fights with their little brother though in all honesty he's the closest of the 3 to being a bully and hits and kicks the others without provocation! They tell him to say sorry and kiss them better! smile

The dramatic howling to attract sympathy for the most minor mini bump is harder to be calm about than a bit of pushing and shoving I find!

TumbleWeeds Mon 08-Apr-13 15:22:34

Separate, separate and separate again. Each in their own bedroom every single time they fight (whoever has started it, it doesn't matter. The reality is that it is likely that both could have behave better).

If your ds refuses to stop singing a song, send him to his room until he stops.

have you look at Sibling Rivalry? I found it really good re sibling relationship.

But you also need to be sure that your dcs start respecting you again.

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