This boy was his best friend all through two years of preschool and his mum and I are friends too. Since they started reception though, they just do not get on. But as my friend and I only meet now while they're at school, or in the evenings, their rift hasn't really been an issue (except on occasions in the playground, and I do find myself frustrated that her parenting style does seem to be say nothing, do nothing, never pull your child up for anything...)
Anyway to cut a long story short, his friend is having a party over the hols, DS doesn't want to go. He says the other boy always hits him so he just doesn't want to go. Feeling torn on what to do, we are also supposed to go to another small party with just a few children and now I wonder if I should avoid anything where they will both be. How do I handle this, and not upset my friend?
I do love her but I do think she is a bit...blind perhaps, to her DSs behaviour at times. I know full well they can all be as bad as each other but in her view it is never her own DS. She is not very good at handling his behaviour in public either. With other friends we just back each other up but she sets herself apart in these situations, refuses eye contact and just seems to pretend that whatever it is isn't happening...help!
Can't see what the dilemma is. He doesn't want to go - he doesn't have to. Just reply that sorry but you've already got a prior engagement on that day and can't make it.
Don't avoid all places where the other boy is though, go to the other party. Even if it's a small party your DS should be able to keep away from the other boy.
FWIW I had a friend like that. I was so relieved when her DS and my DD went to different schools and we could meet up without the children. She never saw her DS attack my DD but always commented when DD retaliated.
Thank you for your replies, and you are both right, but I should have given more detail. The party is Monday, I rsvp'd weeks ago without quizzing DS - I know they don't get on as well anymore but thought he'd want to go. The other party is Tuesday, just four of them. I am picturing myself telling DS to behave every five minutes even if its the other boy, while my friend says nothing. I suppose I feel like I either go to both or none, as the other mums from Tues will be there Monday too, all friends some closer than others, it was all so simple when they were younger!
I disagree. If you've already said you would go, it would be bad mannered of you to back out now. That's basic courtesy whether you are 5 or 55. I'm sure your DS will I enjoy himself once he gets there.