Please help me be more patient with 3yo DD1

[EarnestDullard]

DD1 is 3yo, DD2 is 6mo. DD1 often pushes boundaries at the moment; flatly refusing to do things when asked, ignoring when told to stop doing things, arguing over silly things (e.g. snacks, demanding more stories before bedtime). I'm tired most of the time due to being up several times a night with the baby and find it quite stressful just trying to get us all organised. I'm finding it really hard not to snap at DD2 when she's testing my patience, and I often end up shouting at her when she won't do as she's told. DH has commented a couple of times that I'm too quick to raise my voice or snap at her, and I know he's right but I can't seem to help it. What can I do to try and be more patient?

[QTPie]

Does DD1 go to preschool/nursery?

The only thing I can suggest is getting as much rest as you can.

Your DD1 sounds like a very typical 3 year old: pushing boundaries, wanting to take control, wanting your attention and your time, being demanding. I only have one DC (DS - 3 years and 2 months) and he does all that. Even without a new baby it is trying (although am currently mid-IVF - so lots of hormones).

You just need as much rest as possible and try to find some quality "one-on-one" time with DD1.

QT

[EarnestDullard]

She has a nursery place but it doesn't start till after the summer.

I know her behaviour is normal and probably a necessary part of her development, I know she's not doing it deliberately to wind me up , I just struggle to maintain calm and Zen-like in the face of it. I try to really praise positive behaviour but my general tone with her seems to tend more towards exasperation a lot of the time. I think that's what DH takes issue with. We've all been ill recently as well, and DH has been travelling with work a lot, so we're all a bit more frazzled than usual.

[bigbadbarry]

I don't have any top tips except to say that while I know everybody likes different ages and stages, al last everybody I know agrees that 3 is the pits! My DD3 is very 3 and I am generally exasperated. Tiredness and illness and frazzled ness don't help - hopefully the weather will start to pick up soon and we can all get out a bit, which will help. I do feel for you!

[leelteloo]

No great suggestions but just wanted to sympathise: same thing happening here and ds sleeps through. Never ever thought I would be shouty mummy but there you go. I just try and count to 10 and distract distract distract but when that doesn't work find my self being very cross. I always tell dd I'm sorry and that I am tired and that seems to help her understand that i really don't mean to be cross. I try and remind myself about all the positive things I do with her and forgive myself the few times I'm a bit shouty.

[EarnestDullard]

Thanks all, it does help to know it's not just me. I really should try to count to 10 leel, and I have apologised to her before and explained that I'm tired, on the occasions when I've actually lost my temper and upset her. That doesn't happen often, but the thought of her being scared of me makes me so sad

[Bearcrumble]

I am in a similar boat (3y and 1y who still sleeps badly). One piece of good advice from here was pretend you are a childcare worker and being watched. Put on your professional face.

[QTPie]

This is where the Naughty Step really helps me: sometimes it is as much for me to calm down as for DS. I explain hurriedly why I am putting him on it and then have 3 minutes to collect myself before talking it through with him.

QT

[Beatrixpotty]

Your 3 year old sounds pretty normal and it is hard dealing with them as well as other DCs(I've got 3 week old DS3).When mine is like that he gets put in the hall for a couple of minutes,away from where everyone else is.He doesn't like it but his mood changes from defiant to upset & remorseful and the 2 minutes help me calm down & stop me shouting which would just escalate things otherwise.

[MsDeerheart]

sounds normal both from you and your DD - we do counting to 3- when we get refusal - and do the naughty (or other term that you prefer) step if my DS2 also 3 doesn't do what ever -often works well for us - also if I do shout i do say sorry afterward - but I did a big shout the other day and both DSs where in tears -and my DS2 said mummy shout for quite a few days - how bad did I feel
I often recommend this book but playful parenting has some really good ideas - which I find useful when I feel a bit disconnected from my DCs