Having problems with DD1 (4) and her behaviour. Help please

[ProblemsWithDD]

HI

DD1 is 4 and her behavior is getting so much worse.

The things she has done over the weekend is:

1. Hit DD2 (7weeks) as DD2 looked at her.
   
2. When I'm feeding DD2 she will try to pull baby off me.
   
3. When asked to put her toys away she will ignore me and carry on pulling more out (I have vision problems so need to keep toys to a minimum so I don't fall)
   
4. She keeps saying "you hurt me" or "you hurt me everyday" when DP or I just even touch her or hold her hand to cross the road.
   
5. shout and scream at us.
   
6. Go to hit me.
   
7. refuses to get dressed.
   
8. cries for the least bit things such as the hoover being next to the sofa (where it always has been), a bit of dust on the floor, Furby not looking for her (she thinks Furby will go and find her), the baby crying (DD2 has severe reflux), or the DR calls for the baby to go in the room DD1 will scream so I can't hear what the DR is saying etc.
   9)Asks for us to do something with her eg colour in or play on the DS when we are feeding DD2 and when we say "I'm feeding DD2, I will after" she will throw the item and stamp her feet up the stairs, or shouts "Fine, I will never colour in/play on my DS ever, ever, ever again"
   
   She also used to refuse to eat, she went 4 days with no food until we introduced a sticker and every meal time she gets a sticker. Stickers don't work with her behavior.
   
   If there is any loud noise (dog barking, baby cry, a bang outside) she will cover her ears and cry.
   
   This has been going on for years but it is getting harder to deal with. I don't know what to do. What if she tells the teachers at Nursery that her dad and I hurt her everyday (which we don't, we don't smack her or anything)
   
   Has anyone got any advice on what to do?.

[Teachercreature]

First of all, try not to worry too much as a great much of this is very common with this age group. There's a good article here which might reassure you! www.scholastic.com/parents/resources/article/stages-milestones/preschool-struggles

Two key things occur to me here though - first of all, she definitely sounds jealous of DD2, which as I am sure you know is very common. This could be causing her aggression - that she feels a bit insecure. Loads of good advice, books etc out there suggesting ways to help with that, which might sort the whole issue or at least improve it. (I bet lots of mums on here will know where to point you too having been through similar!)

Secondly the disliking sounds thing - that could be a sign of sensory overload/some sort of processing issue, and given the other behavioural issues and that you say this has gone on a long time, I'd be tempted to investigate a little further. I'd start by seeking some support - talk to the Nursery she is at, tell them your concerns, and see if they can suggest ideas (after all, this will be their area of expertise). You might find they can offer some simple tips or tell you that half the class have similar problems and not to worry!

If they can't help, and if a little reassurance doesn't help, try your GP and maybe a Health Visitor. Best of luck!

[Seeline]

It does sound as though the new baby has upset her a bit. Try and spend as much time as you can with her. Rather than trying housework etc when DD2 is sleeping, play with DD1 - house work can wait
Have a special box of toys that you can use when feeding DD2 - it's perfectly possible to read a story with DD1 or let her colour in sitting nxt to you whilst feeding.