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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Baby inside house for 40 days.

16 replies

FIFIBEBE · 22/03/2013 08:21

Wondered if anybody knows about this? My work involves interacting with parents. One of our clients has told me she intends staying in the house for 40 days along with her new baby and will not be leaving until then. Her partner will get everything they need, people can visit so not socially isolated. I am not questioning her choice just wondered if anybody had heard of this. I don't know if it is a cultural, religious or parenting style choice.

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lysteddy · 22/03/2013 08:30

Hi FIFI
I would say its cultural, my backgroundvis ghanian and it is seen as the right thing to do, as the baby is too young to go out. Family and friends will visit and help the mum bath the baby ect partners will be the one to stock up on milk nappies shopping so the mum can stay at home with baby.

cupcake78 · 22/03/2013 08:31

Yes I've heard it. I'd say cultural as well.

yellowhousewithareddoor · 22/03/2013 08:33

Sounds like bliss! My husband works away so I had to fend for myself from an early stage. Sitting on sofa breastfeeding and not having to go out . . . Heaven!

TomDudgeon · 22/03/2013 08:37

Sounds so prescriptive. No fresh air. No pottering looking at flowers or birds. Going out doesn't have to equal stress of the school run or shopping, it can be pleasant and to have to decided before hand rather then just seeing how you feel

Carolra · 22/03/2013 08:40

Yes, its cultural, I have a friend doing this at the moment, its driving her bonkers ...

worldgonecrazy · 22/03/2013 08:45

It is a cultural thing. Some cultures do the whole "stay in house" and others do something similar but "stay with their own mother and occasionally leave the house". I'm not part of either of those cultures but the latter seemed very sensible to me. Once my husband went back to work after his 2 weeks paternity leave, I would spend every day at my mum's house and we would eat our evening meal there. So no house work, no cooking, no poo-filled nappies, help with bathing, walks in the fresh air, chauffeur to breastfeeding support group. After a few weeks I felt strong enough and had recovered enough from the birth to manage on my own, but having that incredible support during those first days made early parenthood so enjoyable and relatively stress free.

If you come from a close family it seems an amazingly sensible thing to do and something I think should be encouraged more within British culture.

Is your client's mother coming to stay with her - that's what usually happens.

FIFIBEBE · 22/03/2013 08:50

Thank you so much. She is with her partner and although other family visit she doesn't have anybody staying. I will ask her and find out more.

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ScottyDoc · 22/03/2013 08:51

I know from conversing with midwives and close friends that some Chinese ladies stay in for the 40 days whilst Somalian ladies go straight to their mothers to stay after the birth. It's not really to my liking as I love the fresh air and was out a few days after dc2 down the park in the sunshine! But the staying in and resting provides a calming atmosphere and as there is no pressure to go out, both mother and baby take everything in their stride.

AliceWChild · 22/03/2013 08:56

I've heard of it in a fashion, but I didn't think staying in the house was central. Being looked after and treated as someone recovering from birth and labour, and ensuring you can just focus on the baby was what I understood it to be about. Also known as the 4th trimester in some circles.

VinegarDrinker · 22/03/2013 08:58

My friend has married a Greek guy and his mother is very insistent that she must stay at home with the baby for the first 40days.

ThePathanKhansAmnesiac · 22/03/2013 08:58

My Japanese friend did this.

ArbitraryUsername · 22/03/2013 08:59

This is why the MAT1B form thingy goes on about 'confinement'.

TomDudgeon · 22/03/2013 09:03

So how do they manage with husbands working and having more than one child. Fine if you have a mother...

AliceWChild · 22/03/2013 09:11

It's the kind of thing post natal doulas help with too. So they're effectively taking the place of the female relatives that might have done it.

cory · 22/03/2013 10:05

My Chinese SIL was nagged by her parents to do this: she ignored them as she preferred the child rearing techniques of her husband's country, but they were quite upset and believed she would damage her health by not complying. Also that it was bad for the baby to be taken out and about.

Starsintheskyxx · 22/03/2013 10:15

Yes its a culture thing, I have a Chinese friend who did this at her parents house, it drove her bonkers but she managed it. Doesn't seem to have affected her DD who is 8 months now and very sociable etc.

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