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My ds is just over 3 weeks and my confidence is at an all time low due to visit from my mother.

(83 Posts)
Pinkflipflop Sat 23-Feb-13 18:17:59

I thought I was coping quite well with my ds; mother hadn't spent time here as she was ill but came to stay for the last 2 nights. As a result my confidence at is gone looking after my ds.

1 Mother is obsessed that I am not winding ds properly, I spend ages doing it and usually manage to get a burp up but she kept on saying "give him to granny" and such comments

2 She is obsessed with giving the baby water, I checked it out and said the baby didn't need water, she gave it to him anyway sad. I told her this was not acceptable as I felt she had done it behind my back and she huffed with me

3 She told me I looked very awkward holding the baby and that my dh was much more of a natural sad

4 She kept on saying the baby was going to choke and kept shouting at me to run to his pram.

I just feel that my relationship with my mother has changed so much since my baby arrived a few weeks ago and I don't know why.

Mother is away home now and I'm left crying as I feel I'm such an unnatural mother. He just over 3 weeks, what can I do better?

Dh is at work and I'm a state right now.

SayCoolNowSayWhip Tue 26-Feb-13 14:12:36

Oh and with the winding - DD NEVER burped. It always came out the other end in an astonishingly loud fashion!

sleepyhead Tue 26-Feb-13 14:22:15

God, I was rubbish at winding (still am - I had a go with a friend's baby a couple of months ago and got nothing up).

Apparently the British obsession with wind is partly cultural though. If it's not upsetting the baby then where's the harm? If the baby is upset, well at least it gives you something to try.

Re: choking, I bet it's the putting to sleep on their back thing. My mum was most unconvinced by that.

You're a great mum. Shame on your mum for not being a great mum to her own child just now. I'm sure a wee bit down the line once the new born madness settles down she'll do better.

Maybe best to just take everything she says with a pinch of salt for now and just remember "this too shall pass". smile

Pinkflipflop Tue 26-Feb-13 17:47:23

Just a little update on this; I said to my mum that I loved her very much but I found her coming across as very critical when what I really needed from her was to tell me I'm fantastic! She was quite taken aback and said well obviously you are doing a good job, I didn't expect you not to!confused What I was taking a criticism she says was her way of trying to help.

I think she is quite embarrassed and annoyed that she has annoyed me, but I'm going to give her a week or so before I ask her to come and visit just so I can get my self back to where I was in terms of confidence.

Thanks so much for all your supportive comments and glad to know I'm not the only one who hates winding! grin

wizzler Tue 26-Feb-13 20:17:00

Glad to know its all sorted.. your latest post sounds much calmer!

NorthernChinchilla Thu 28-Feb-13 20:14:11

Oh good! Hopefully it's just a little blip in your relationship at what is a stressful (and by that I mean sleep deprived, hormonal, possibly painful) time which will now pass. Good for you for taking it up with her straightaway though and not letting it fester.

Congratulations on your pfb by the way, and enjoy!

ghall54 Thu 07-Mar-13 10:09:31

I have the same problem but I'm really nervous about saying anything to dm as I don't want to upset her, plus I know she won't understand and I will just end up feeling worse. I know that sounds completely stupid but I just can't see a way out. I end up being guilt tripped into seeing her at least once a week, and each time makes me stressed for days.

brettgirl2 Sun 10-Mar-13 07:15:12

Winding 3 week olds is practically impossible, later it becomes much easier. I think bottle fed babies are windier than breastfed for those who are confused.

Pink just keep in mind your mum hasnt had a baby for over 30 years and memories are sketchy. I've got a nearly 4yo and 13 month old and tbh I cant entirely remember what its like to have a newborn grin.

My mother and mil caxme out with loads of stuff that couldnt possibly be true (neither me or dh woke in the night after 6 weeks EVER lol). Both nagged me over not dream feeding (I was knackered and wanted to sleep instead of staying up till 11 at night, by then I'd had 3 hours sleep!)

You are doing great smile

TheFallenNinja Sun 10-Mar-13 08:25:45

Try this phrase.

"Great advice mum"

Then do this

"Whatever you want"

And remember this

"Your doing fine."

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