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New mum melt down. Advice needed on night feeds etc

(23 Posts)
NaturalBaby Fri 15-Feb-13 23:06:34

Who's telling you to put her down?

She is recovering from the birth as much as you are - be king to yourself and do what ever works for you for now. Things will settle down when your baby is ready and feels more settled. She's just spent 9 months warm and snug inside you with loud wooshing to keep her comforted so she's not going to take too kindly to lying on a flat, cold, quiet mattress by herself!

Something that worked really well for me was to swaddle and then put a light blanket over the top and tuck it into the mattress really snug, and put baby slightly on it's side. I also had them right next to my side of the bed so we could hear each other breathing.

ivanapoo Fri 15-Feb-13 19:34:48

It's so nice to read a load of replies pretty much all advocating that you go with the flow and do what feels right for you and your baby.

How different this thread would have looked 30 years ago ignoring the fact that no-one had access to the internet then apart from hardcore scientists so there wouldn't be a thread

First few weeks are mental. It does get a bit easier, at least it did for me!

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 15-Feb-13 12:16:19

Haven't read the dr Harvey karp book but have used his calming technique. Op if you google "youtube Richard and judy happiest baby" the video should come up smile

Babycalming is also very good. It's written by Caroline Deacon who is a mother, BFC and its all evidence based. Unfortunately lots of "baby expert books" are written by people who aren't parents and the books often aren't evidence based, they are just one persons opinion.

facebookaddictno9 Fri 15-Feb-13 12:08:46


facebookaddictno9 Fri 15-Feb-13 12:08:16

[[ mumsnet Moby reviews.

Its like still being pregnant baby is so close I love mine.

SayCoolNowSayWhip Fri 15-Feb-13 12:06:33

If you do want to read books, even if its just to validate ignoring all the unhelpful advice from relatives, Dr Harvey Karp makes a lot of sense. He basically says that the first 3 months of a baby's life is like the fourth trimester - and babies need to have the womb experience recreated as best as possible. That really helped me when I was at a loss.

AppleOrchid Fri 15-Feb-13 12:03:02

Hi Audh,

Congratulations on the birth of your baby girl!

When my DD was born I got really hung up on 'what-the-experts-said'. I had been recommended a book by a friend (Save Our Sleep) and not knowing any better tried to follow all the advice. Retrospectively (oh the joys of hindsight), I regret that. In our house, we now refer to the book as the 'Witch Book' and it has been ceremoniously binned in time for the next baby!

When my DD was born I didn't have a clue what you were supposed to do regarding feeding, sleeping etc and I just wanted a set of instructions I could follow. My little girl is now two and I wish I'd had the confidence to do more of what felt right in those early days. I would have carried her around in a sling and not gone through all the anguish of trying to get her into a routine when she was too little.

Babies need cuddles and closeness. All they've known is the womb so it must be pretty nuts being 'out here'.

I really wish you luck with it all. Try and relax. The first few weeks are such a huge learning curve. Cuddle your baby as much as you like and take all advice you are given with a pinch of salt.xx

iwillsleepagainsomeday Fri 15-Feb-13 12:02:26

last thing;: sleep and nap whenever you can.

day/night will come by around 5/6weeks. seems an eternity bus you will get there!

SayCoolNowSayWhip Fri 15-Feb-13 12:00:09

Oh yes, if anyone can come and sit with her for an hour or so between feeds during the day so you can rest / sleep, that's a godsend. Don't underestimate how much lack of sleep affects your ability to think, act, do anything!

Good luck, you will be fine, promise!

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 15-Feb-13 12:00:02

Welcome to Mn and congratulations on your lovely new Dd thanks.

I wonder who is telling you this and are they offering any practical support like getting your lunch and taking dd for a bit while you have a bath? If you do want to help her distinguish day from night then try to get her outside at least once a day and keep things light and bright in the day and dark and quiet at night.

What you are doing is perfectly normal and most people do what they need to do just to get through the night.

Your dd has spent 9 months tucked up inside you, it's natural that she wants the warmth and comfort of you, which you are providing. Give yourself a huge pat on the back and have a brew.

Putting her down when she's crying won't teach her to distinguish day from night, what it will teach her is that your not there for her when she wants you. If you continue seeing to her needs, she will cry less and by, I think its about 7 months, and be more secure.

It's all so new at the moment, you can't cuddle her too much but you can cuddle her not enough. Things will change and they'll change again.

If you want a bit more reassurance, have a read of this on normal infant sleep smile

Haven you tried feeding lying down too? You night be able to get some more rest that way smile

Charlieburger Fri 15-Feb-13 12:00:02

Honestly I feel your littlelun is now 8 weeks old. My best friend gave me a hand me down and swore it would work - wow did it ever. Apparently it makes them feel like they did in the tummy - I could kiss my friend as it's amazing

here is the website.

My advice - get several LOL - good luck with it all

iwillsleepagainsomeday Fri 15-Feb-13 11:59:09

am keeping my 7 week old almost 24/7 on me either bf, sleeping, cuddling or in sling walking. have a very happy child and happy neighbors as well smile

this does not mean he does not go in the pram or bouncer sometimes but only if he is ok with it or if thehouse is on

i would not have been able to survive these first week if i did not cosleep
and if I took advice from a lot of 'older people' from a different generation who very often have very different views. (am thinking of my parents, pil, collegues, gp, hv etc)

ps: this is dc3 and the other dc turned out very well, no rods for own back etc!

Tolly81 Fri 15-Feb-13 11:56:58

Agree you don't need to worry about that till she gets a bit older. If you're BFing night feeds are v common at this age and they often have a random night when they just feed like mad. Just try to keep the lights low for night wakings and voice quiet/soothing and avoid actually playing with her but theres nothing wrong with rocking, patting, shushing etc and at 6 days old being up a lot at night is normal (sorry) but also won't last that long. mothers/MILs forget very quickly IME! Also if you've had a bad night sleep when she sleeps and get someone to take her for a bit so you can get your head down. Good luck!

Loislane78 Fri 15-Feb-13 11:54:57

I know v few (any?) new mums who could put a new born down after a feed and they go to sleep, so totally normally in my experience.

I read a funny but wise comment on MN - babies don't know its 2013 and are programmed to want to be right next to their mum for food and security in case a mammoth comes in the night smile

Circadian rhythm (day/night distinction) isn't yet established as other poster said so give yourself a break and just go with the flow at this point smile. Gets easier and congrats smile

SayCoolNowSayWhip Fri 15-Feb-13 11:52:58

Day 6? Just do whatever keeps you and her both happy. Forget about routines and 'rods for your own back'. If cuddling keeps her happy then keep cuddling. If co sleeping lets both of you get some kip then do that.

I'll never forget when DD was about 3 or 4 days old and I was trying to leave her in the Moses basket so I could get some sleep (hadn't had any since the birth) and was muttering to DH 'she needs to learn....'!! I soon realised that we were all much happier when we just went with the flow and let her lead us.

Congratulations by the way thanks

Pascha Fri 15-Feb-13 11:52:34

You can't cuddle too much, and you can't spoil a newborn smile.

They don't have an agenda, they just want to be warm and close to you and they have no concept of routine or night and day at first. That all comes a bit later.

You do what works. Anything else is pointless this early.

lolalotta Fri 15-Feb-13 11:51:39

I don't think there is any right and wrong TBH, we did try and put our DD down in her cot at about 7.00pm from quite early on, once she had been rocked to sleep wink but I had friends who used to let there baby cluster feed all night on the sofa and then put them down at 11.00pm and them they found they would get a solid block of sleep. They found thus worked very well! So what I'm trying to see is, is stick with what works for you and try not yo worry about what the books/ or other people say! Good luck!

Snusmumriken Fri 15-Feb-13 11:51:18

Congratulations on your little girl!

My advice would be to sleep when your DD sleeps. Cuddle her as much as you can, skin to skin, slings and co-sleeping will keep you sane. Get everyone else in your family to do all of the house work, if that is not possible ignore the house work completely!

Good luck.

facebookaddictno9 Fri 15-Feb-13 11:51:10

get Moby wrap - I've just had my 4th and I so wish I had found them before!! Baby sleep on me in it and it's great.

I could sing about them.

Noodled Fri 15-Feb-13 11:49:33

She needs to get to six weeks ish before day and night is meaningful to her. Whoever is talking to you needs to remember there is more than one way to parent and you have to find your way. Having said that it is important to comfort your newborn, this is what helps them transition to comforting themselves further down the line. If your are bf then the responsive feeding is needed for your supply.

You had a tough night but did great, get some sleep today if possible.

AndMiffyWentToSleep Fri 15-Feb-13 11:48:31

Sound like you're doing the right thing to me. I thought the night-day thing was to nap them in daylight not a darkened room - and don't be stimulating/chatty at night, but still feed and nappy change as necessary. But I'm no expert.
Day 6 is hard! Take it easy and rest as much as you can.

lolalotta Fri 15-Feb-13 11:47:52

I think with a 6 day old you do what ever it takes to get through the night!!! Don't worry too much at this point about making a rod for your own back! We used to rock our DD to sleep when she was a new born, but that didn't last forever...we did whatever it took for her to get to sleep! grin

audh79 Fri 15-Feb-13 11:44:01

Hi ladies. I'm new to mums net and also to being a mum. I've a beautiful little 6 day old girl who last night let me sleep for about 15 minutes. She's a bit poorly with her tummy - but here's the question that I would like advice on please. I ended up spending all night cuddling her/ feeding her to try and comfort hr and keep her quiet. Was this the right thing to do? I'm now being told that I should just feed her and put her back down at night? Otherwise she will never distinguish between night and day. What do you more experienced mums think? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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