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Please tell me it's not so bad...

(65 Posts)
Gingerandcocoa Sat 09-Feb-13 21:21:40

I've come to the parenting board because I want to hear from people who have children from different ages...

I've been wanting to start a family with DH for ages, but now we're nearly ready to TTC and I'm scared I'm "throwing away" the best years of our lives. We're around 30 y/o, professionals with good salaries, lovely flat, good social life. I want to have a baby and don't want to leave it too late.

But then I read here about how tiring and terribly difficult children are, about mums not having time to brush their teeth, tantrums, crying, strained marriages as a result, more crying, messy houses, lack of sleep, -and yes more crying.

Is it worth it, though?? Not at the end, but throughout it all, do you ever regret it??? Are there "easy" children who are not much work at all??? Basically I'm just hoping someone will tell me there's hope and that motherhood will be a GOOD thing!!!!

zcos Wed 13-Feb-13 23:51:43

my dd is 10 weeks ... and its not a walk in the park (see other posts) but the bad moments are no worse than other bad times ... being home with my baby not half as stressful as my job used to be ... and I find myself crying with happiness at least once a day! I didn't have the lack of sleep or need to plan everything in advance but I also didn't have these overwhelming highs! I have fallen hard for my dd and every day has several high points...who needs a tidy house when you can have that.
other things that I would throw in the mix is that I started trying at 30 and half as did wait a bit and then took a year to conceive that isn't long but was v stressful in the end so bare that in mind if you do start trying you may not get pregnant that quickly.
As your obviously having doubts about being a mum straight away why not wait 6 months have some fab holidays and revisit it again... I found when I did that before we were trying I appreciated the things I knew I couldn't do when I had a baby... but also started to envy families with young children I saw too I got to want it more and more! grin

Emmaw9 Mon 18-Feb-13 20:44:31

Best job in the world!!
I'm 29 and was putting off children until we had more money, been on this holiday etc...
Then I got pregnant, we were in the middle of buying a house, I'd just started a brilliant secondment opportunity at work and we still hadn't visited all these places we wanted!
Now I have an 11 week old baby and none of these things I worried about then are important to me now!! Yes it was hard moving (it took that long I was 33 weeks when we finally got in) and working in a tough environment but I can honestly say this was the perfect time. we were financially comfortable.
Like my mum said, you can put it off and before you know it you might be too old.
Oh, and my baby is an angel!! Pleasant, happy and sleeping 6-8 hours a night since 8 weeks old.
It definetly is the best thing ever!!

CheerfulYank Mon 18-Feb-13 20:53:41

I got <accidentally> pregnant with DS at 24 and was terrified!

Now he's 5 and a half and is my very heart. He drives me crazy sometimes, and I had awful pnd, and it forced DH and I to make a lot of decisions about housing, work, etc. But I never, ever regret him. smile

DD is due in May and I'm sure we'll feel the same about her.

CheerfulYank Mon 18-Feb-13 20:54:40

Also your life changes in every way, true, but you don't have to stop being you.

dikkertjedap Mon 18-Feb-13 21:04:21

Your life changes totally. The first few years, you social life may be almost non-existent. You will have very little time for yourself.

Titchyboomboom Mon 18-Feb-13 21:05:35

Best thing I ever did, no regrets, tired but beyond happy!

CheerfulYank Mon 18-Feb-13 21:08:00

I guess it depends. It cut down on nights out, but I was out having brunch with friends when DS was 5 days old (he stayed home with DH.) I still went out to movies, restaurants, and had sleepovers with friends and wine almost as often as I ever did. Still do.

okthen Mon 18-Feb-13 21:45:44

Love all these posts. Important to add, I think, that motherhood is not 'one size fits all'. You can make it work in a way that feels right for you.
Your old life needn't be over- UNLESS you want it to be/let it be (and you may surprise yourself...)

Some people I know actively want to maintain social life, travel, career, exercise etc. They make it work with good childcare, both parents sharing the load, working bloody hard, and bottle feeding! One woman I know went on hols abroad (without baby) when her baby was really young.

Another couple I know are fabulous creative types who work from home with the baby roaming around, and take her off round the country on their work trips.

Me? I have realised that, especially during the baby phase (dc2 now 15 weeks old) I prefer my world to shrink. I don't want to go out socialising, I want to stay in and have lovely times with my little family. I enjoy breastfeeding and don't mind that it is tying. I am really tired but I downsize my life accordingly so I don't get (too) frazzled. Having said that, I look forward to when dc2 is older and I can enjoy the odd weekend away (am fantasising about health spas atm!). My career has suffered as I wanted to go part time and didn't want to do the crazy hours that success in my field entails- but I COULD have stayed full time and carried on moving up the ladder- I know plenty of mums who have.

It's important to own your choices though. The greatest source of angst for me has been feeling that I could/should be doing things a certain way- but all the kids I know are happy, loved and well-balanced even though their mums/parents take completely different approaches as above.

Have never, ever regretted it. In fact just minutes after dc2 was born I informed dp that I am SO not done yet. If money/space/age were no object, I'd just keep on popping them out!

muminneedofsleep Mon 18-Feb-13 21:55:32

I only started really living my life after having my children... Nothing compares to the joy and love they give you. Although having said that there will always be days you wish you were on a deserted island and would sell your jimmy choos for just five mins peace! But hey it's hard but rewarding, there will be laughter out weighing tears, hugs taking precedence over sleep and I never knew you could love/despair all in the same minute but you can and you aren't easy but nothing really good ever is. Good luck

LadyKinbote Mon 18-Feb-13 21:58:29

For me, the newborn stage is a bloody nightmare but each subsequent phase is better than the last. Once they're toilet trained you start to get your life back and all the things that were impossible with a newborn are suddenly possible again. (Some people have easy newborns though and say the opposite!)
I have oh-my-god-there's-poo-on-my-hand moments and I-cant-believe-these-beautiful-children-are-mine moments. No question that my DC have improved my life tremendously though.
Just one thing worth remembering - pregnancy can take a lot of trying! So don't leave it too long, just in case.

Cubtrouble Tue 19-Feb-13 00:48:07

I'm in my thirties also. For me having my baby was the best thing I've ever done. I waited. We travelled a lot and ticked many things from our buckle list I suppose. We have a nice house and reasonable income. But nothing, nothing compares to how it feels when that baby is born and you hold them for the first time. Nothing.

People can tell you on here how good it is etc, but you will never truly know until you do it for yourself. I'm not saying its easy, but the real good stuff is never easy but it is so so so worth it. Our son is 10 months old, I love him more than I could ever imagine is it possible to love someone, he is a good baby, he sleeps well but even if he didn't I would feel the same, he smiles at you and you could just melt away with happiness. Being a parent is amazing and you won't know unless you try.

Good luck!!

Cubtrouble Tue 19-Feb-13 00:52:06

And one more thing, start saving now!!!! Lol you can never have enough money!! Money and muslins, all you need xx

recall Tue 19-Feb-13 01:03:46

Forget about "trying to get your life back"

That one has gone, this is your life now so get stuck in and enjoy it.

If you can't get out of it.....get into it grin

recall Tue 19-Feb-13 01:10:41

cubtrouble I agree, and the best thing is, it gets better and better.

Diamond7 Tue 19-Feb-13 08:17:41

I'm 31 and sounds similar to you. We have a 7week old and so far loving it!!! Just amazing.

We co sleep (following safety guidelines) so getting a good amount of sleep.

I use a sling/wrap (ring and moby) so can still clean my teeth, tidy up, clean whilst baby sleeps.

Greatest adventure yet so far. And we can still go to the pub!

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