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Not brave enough for AIBU, but am I BU for wanting to be treated like a "new mum" for a bit after the birth of no2?(59 Posts)
I want the fuss, the special treatment, the kid-gloves!
I want to be "off the hook" and not have people lean on me, ask me favours, expect me to be there for them and not forget things etc just for a few weeks while my baby is a newborn
I want a babymoon!
I want people to make me a cup of tea when they come round!
Is it normal to only get any of the above after the birth of no1 and was I being unrealisitc to expect a bit of the same after the birth of no2? or are our friends and family just being a bit shit this time?
I healed quicker last time, wasn't in pain last time, DH had much more time off to help last time, but still I wasn't expected to do anything but sit and cuddle my newborn! This time I'm hobbling around with SPD, back pain and a cut that isn't healing as it should but am expected to run around and be just as considerate to everyone else as normal and be the hostess with the mostess when they come round and I'm getting tearful and bitter about it now!
YANBU op, the miserable lot. Have a from me since your visitors are too rude to make you one! I guess really you'll have to resort to being more graphic with them but it is a shame and you shouldn't have to cry in order to get them to be sympathetic to your needs! Really feel for you. Hope the situation improves. Totally agree on the pg thing though, I had hyperemesis right till the end and my FIL made us drive up to the lakes on boxing day (2011) -they live a couple of miles away but thought that would be more fun - we were late as I was puking, then they said they'd given our room to someone else because we were late, they were going to watch the match and there were "loads of places to stay" or we could always sleep on the floor! I drove back home and didnt speak ro him for 2 minths until I got an apology (which never really happened, but still). Don't normally use the C word but is justified in the case of my FIL!!!!
I really feel for you Smelly.
I have to admit it's one of the things I wonder about having no.2. With DS I holed up on the sofa with snacks and the remote and fed/cuddled/napped as I wanted. It was all so special and exciting. I would really like to be able to do that with potential no.2 and have it feel just as special, not be running around after everyone else who seem to have forgotten all about the new baby!
cheer for th e
I've thought a bit about it and I think I'm being so sensitive about it as this is to be our last baby and I want to savour every second, and obviously that would be easier if people around us cocooned us a bit, but it's ultimately up to us to enjoy him which we can do without anyone else!
First baby was a blur of nervous first parent panicing and insecurity and I didn't really enjoy it when she was small - not enough head sniffing and snuggling, too much worrying about silly things like "self settling"!
I'm loving having another baby, I do not want to "get on with things" I want to sniff his head and look at his little hands - there's just not enough hours in the day for snuggles and I don't want to waste potential snuggling/head sniffing time on other people! (DH and DD excluded of course)
It is going by SO FAST!
Go for the tantrum. You're allowed. You've just had a baby.
Oh, newborn smell
Have the PILs been any better?
ILs no better, DPs I think are trying to be better as they sheepishly offered to treat us to an elaborate day out - which to be honest sounds like a nightmare and i'd rather not but it's nice that they're trying, even if it's a bit misguided
I am caring less though thank you all for telling me I'm not being UR. I am no longer stocking cows milk (we don't drink it, just usually keep some in for visitors) or biscuits and have stopped cleaning as much as is possible without environmental health being involved so our home is now a much less pleasant place to visit So we can spend less time entertaining and more time snuggling and ignoring the mess!
I'm sorry about the lack of appreciation, not much do about that, but for the unwanted/outstaying welcome visitors: hide.
My sister had a lot of visitors after her baby, and found that rather than get into good byes, or discussions, or long explanations, the easiest thing was to just wander off (as if going to the toilet, or getting something from the kitchen), go upstairs and shut herself in the bedroom with her baby, then pretend (or actually) be asleep. Eventually the people downstairs got bored/worried, peeked in, and then went home... this may not work with more assertive guests..
I wish some people didn't begrudge me the babymoon 1st time around!
Yanbu btw...people can be thoughtless!
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