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dealing with temper tantrums in a loving/ nurturing way?

(6 Posts)
RoseGarden123 Sat 09-Feb-13 12:50:17

I'm at my wits end! DS has just turned 2 and almost overnight the tantrums have started. We've always had an AP type approach to parenting and I just don't know how to handle this positively. He goes mad if he doesn't get what he wants, screaming, thrashing and throwing himself about until he hurts himself. If I try holding or cuddling him he kicks and thrash until I can't hold him. He's a big boy and I'm 6mths pregnant.
Are there any secret strategies to handling this?

AbbyCat Sat 09-Feb-13 13:02:38

Same problem here! We were/are very ap in our approach. I find tht if I go overboard with the positivity then he behaves a lot better. Is your ds talking yet? That helps if he is.
I start our day now with a super long cuddle and tell him repeatedly that he is a wonderful boy etc. whenever he starts having a tantrum I try to stop it in its tracks and say 'you don't need to cry, just tell me what the problem is and ill fix it'. I'm also more permissive in my approach and pick my battles! Everytime he listens to me I go overboard with the praise. I think I must sound like a loon half the time, but it works! I stopped saying no and telling him off as he just didn't respond to that and his naughty behaviour escalated. When he does something dangerous, I tell him he shouldn't because its dangerous and try to distract with something more fun. I find I'm more chilled this way. Also I relax the rules- if he doesn't want to brush his teeth before breakfast, I don't make an issue of it, as long as it gets done at some point in the morning!

RoseGarden123 Sat 09-Feb-13 13:07:40

Thanks abby, I find myself saying no and getting cross and its just not how I want to parent him, but I don't have strategies to fall back on. Your approach sounds very positive!

RoseGarden123 Sat 09-Feb-13 13:07:43

Thanks abby, I find myself saying no and getting cross and its just not how I want to parent him, but I don't have strategies to fall back on. Your approach sounds very positive!

blueblackdye Sat 09-Feb-13 16:32:26

Rose, abby, I like your approach. DS is 4 now but used to have mega tantrums, he wouls scream, throw toys or himself on the floor, anything except hurting himself... So I too tried to distract him to cut the tantrum before it gets too out of hand. I gave him papers to draw his frustration, he would sometime and other times he would just tear the papers but it changed his mind and calmed him down. Other times, I have left him in the entrance of the building (there are only 2 flats in my building and my neighbour was at work at 5 pm when we returned from nursery) screaming, when he was calmer I would go down to pick him up and cuddle him. Now if/when it happens again, I send him in his room for time out. Good luck

Ineedmorepatience Sat 09-Feb-13 17:45:07

I dont know if this will be any help to you but my youngest, now 10 has ASD, she used to have horrible tantrums when she was 2 that would send her completely out of control.

I used to do a gentle holding method when she was upset. I literally used to hug her and make ssshhh ing noises in her ear. It worked really well although I did have to mind my teeth sometimes when she used to throw her head back.

Not all children like being held in this way but for some it takes the fear out of the tantrum and calms the situation really quickly.

I agree with distraction but if the tantrum goes on, you could try the holding.

Good lucksmile

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