am i overstimulating my baby

[peacefuloptimist]

My ds is almost 6 months and is proving to be very hard work. He is a little bit over sensitive to change. He loves routine and if there is deviation from that routine he can get quite worked up. I always imagined I would have a very laid back sort of baby like I was and am struggling to reconcile myself with the fact that he is like this. Family members have made comments like why is he crying so much is he just crying because of that or that my dsis kids are not like this. I am concerned that maybe I am making him like this by overstimulating him. At home I talk to him a lot and am quite animated when we play together. I have always been good with kids and enjoy playing with them. But often get told I'm getting them too worked up or too noisy and excited. Could this be making my ds so high strung. How can Imake him calmer. Thoughts please.

[brettgirl2]

Of course not, you are doing brilliantly. Dd1 was a high needs baby, some just are. Obviously your sister's babies were just more laid back (as my second one was).

[waterrat]

ah, OP it sounds like you are a lovely mum. I also found that by 6 months my DS needed a loose routine in his day or he is out of sorts - just like grown ups, they need to eat and sleep - you are not responsible for all his tears, it's just part of him taking in the world.

You could always experiment - try a quieter day and see how he is - maybe it's just his way of being in the world...

[peacefuloptimist]

Thanks for the replies waterrat and brettgirl2.

His behaviour concerns me for two reasons mainly. One, I'm worried that I will not be able to leave him with anyone because they will think he is too high maintenance. Yesterday I went to visit my family with him, who hadn't seen him for a month. They were so excited all week about our visit more because they wanted to see him then me. However when we got there he screamed his head off if anyone touched him besides me. When we arrived there it was nearing his usual naptime so I was trying desperately to make him sleep but it was a different environment so he struggled to settle and half an hour after his usual naptime he was still awake and was having a meltdown because of it. My parents especially dm were really bothered by this as she normally has no trouble with babies even ones that are normally a little difficult.

My second concern is that he is crying so often in the day and so hysterically about little things (like me changing his clothes, not feeding him quickly enough, not being asleep when he wants etc) that I wonder is it going to effect his psyche, personality whatever in the future. I try to respond quickly when he cries but sometimes I feel like what's the point. Whether I get to him straightaway or a few minutes after he can reach a level of hysteria so quickly even if I'm holding him or right in front of him.

Is the level of attention I give him and pandering to his routines making him too needy and attention seeking? I hope I don't sound really mean about him I am just frustrated with myself that he is like this and can't help feeling three is something I could do to fix this.

[Tolly81]

OP please don't worry. Some babies just don't like being babies much and 6m is often quite a frustrating age (it was for my dd) as she couldn't yet crawl but could see lots of interesting stuff across the room. You might find he cheers up a lot once he becomes mobile. At this age you cannot make your DC "needy" or "attention-seeking" by giving him attention and not doing so is likely to make things worse. One-to-one playtime is rarely over-stimulating. If anything I would sau it might be a bit under-stimulating as he is only seeing you and the same four walls. DD is much easier to handle if she does something very physical like swimming or soft play. Alternatively have you found anything that calms him that you could build into the day like a walk in the pram?
6 months is also the time when separation anxiety often starts as well which may be part if what is unsettling your baby. My dd is horribly upset when apart from me (particularly when I'm in the room with lots of others but not holding her) and even my dm and mil (who had 5 and 4 dcs respectively) find it difficult to soothe her.
Don't worry about behaviour traits in a 6m old - save it for toddlerhood!

[lightrain]

My DS was a little bit like that when surrounded by family who all want attention and smiles. Especially when tired. Sometimes I'd just need to take him to a dark room and hold him in complete silence to help him get to sleep (no rocking or bouncing even). It's terrible when they're overtired, it feels like they'll never stop crying doesn't it!? Honestly, you sound like you're doing brilliantly. Don't worry - babies just cry, it's not you.

[peacefuloptimist]

We did have a routine (starting to hate that word) of weekly activities, daily walks but the bad weather and recent illness of ds (cold) has upset it. I have started to take him out to children's centres and groups again but the majority of the day it is just him and me.

Tolly your dd sounds exactly like my ds with people. How do you deal with it? Do you ever find it embarrassing? Yesterday I was making all sorts of excuses to cover up why my ds was screaming like a banshee whenever my df tried to hold him or even if he caught sight of him.

Are you able to leave her with anyone? My fear is that I'm not going to be able to be separated from ds if he gets worse so will never get any time for myself. My dh is already starting to be reluctant to have ds on his own and frankly I don't trust him to stick to ds routine. That's another thing that bugs me. With me ds seems to cry a lot but with Dh it seems like he cries less and doesn't require much attention from him. He is happy just to sit on his lap while he watches tv but with me I'm lucky if he sits still for 5 minutes with me whilst I'm watching tv.

[MrsMarigold]

My son was exactly like yours at that age and now at 20 months he is much more relaxed although when we go to toddler groups he always stays quite close by.

[peacefuloptimist]

I'm giving him so much time, energy and attention but ds is still not a happy carefree baby.

[Tolly81]

Tbh she is loads better around other people when I'm not there. I have to leave her as I've just started back at work. She does nursery one day, mil one day and dm the other day. Basically I have to take her in, sit her on the floor (facing away from the door) and show her a toy. She starts playing and whoever it is will start talking to her and playing with her and I just sidle off. It's horrid but otherwise she screams. I think it's worth letting your ds get used to his surroundings and the people with just playing on the floor and leave it a while before they try and pick him up. Probably only time passing will chill him out, I honestly don't think it's anything you have or haven't done, some babies just get frustrated easily. I'm sure your hard work will pay off soon but it is a difficult age. Just keep on the lookout for things that seem to settle him down or wind him up. Good luck.

[Lucylucy57]

My son is 7months and is very similar to your son although he is getting better in recent weeks. I do think it's a developmental thing with babies, especially boys, of that age. He also needs his routine and isn't great when confronted by swarming relatives or unfamiliar people. I really don't think you are overstimulating him at all. My ds has become a little more confident in recent weeks and I'm hoping this continues. I try not to load too many new people or situations on him at once and let him feel comfortable in a room before he's too near others. This seems to work well. I'm sure he will be just fine as he gets older.

[CrapBag]

Babies generally thrive on routine and it sounds like yours really does. Its not a bad thing at all. DS would only sleep for half an hour exactly 3 times a day from the age of about 3 months up until 11 months. You could actually set your watch by him, half an hour and his eyes were open. It was exhausting having a young baby that was awake so much in the day and he wanted entertaining.

DD is nearly 2 and she will ONLY sleep in the day in her cot. She won't settle in her pram, car seat anywhere excpet her cot. I am fine with this. There will be a time where she won't nap in the day anymore so I just go along with it.

Some children don't automatically go to other people either. Especially if they don't see them often. At Christmas, DH's family commented on how clingy DDwas. She had only seen some of them once in her life when she was a few weeks old and the others she barely sees so she didn't know who they were yet they expected her to come running to them.

I talked loads to mine and they both proved to be early and good talkers and DS is doing great with reading and things at school. I put a lot of that down to talking and reading to him from the very start.

Every baby is different and comparing yours to your sisters is ridiculous. They all do their own thing. Mine where incredibly laid back in personality (nothing like me whatsoever) but it didn't last with DS past 3 and DD is almost 2 and there are signs of a very firey personality.

It sounds like you are doing a great job. Your DS clearly feels very comfortable in the routine you have given him so why change it. DD gets tearful from about 4.45 because she is hungry and its coming up to tea time. She just knows thats what time it is.