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Feeling abit "ugh" please help..

(7 Posts)
MySonIsMyWorld Tue 29-Jan-13 22:03:01

well i feel abit upset really, we have a 20 month old ds and we want a big gap but it is as nice and special as the first when your having the 2nd because you already have one?.....feel like people wont give a shit as much because its the 2nd....
we want like a 7-8 year gap...

Yfronts Tue 29-Jan-13 22:22:06

it's as special as you make it.

we have big gaps and it works for us.

JiltedJohnsJulie Wed 30-Jan-13 17:38:41

Well its a nice and special because you get a baby, which I assume is what you want. If you're not planning on getting pg for another 4 years I wouldn't stress about it too much now smile

fairylightsinthesnow Thu 31-Jan-13 13:10:58

are you really going to base this decision on how much fuss other people will make of you and the baby? Even with the first, that goes away after a few weeks. There are good arguments for small and big gaps, but how "special" it is is about you and the baby, not the numbers of cards and visits you get.

Shellywelly1973 Fri 01-Feb-13 23:59:55

Im on no6!

This baby is as special to me as my first. Except now i know how different each& every child is. I have confidence, knowledge & patience i didn't have with my 1st child.

To be honest i would look closely as to why other peoples attuide to you having a second baby is causing you to feel the way you do.

Tolly81 Sat 02-Feb-13 01:35:58

I think its understandable that people make a big fuss about the arrival of the first baby - remember a lot of the fuss is directed at you becoming parents for the first time not just about the baby. Its also understandable that you get bought more stuff, but then you need this more for a first baby than a second. I know I find it harder to buy gifts for second or subsequent babies - its not that I don't care as much just that I know the parents have a lot more clothes and toys etc already so harder to find something genuinely useful/that they dont have loads of already. Also, a you do drift apart from some friends after having the first baby and these people might not really be on the scene so much second time around (I have a few childless friends who are either very carefree or very work obsessed who I haven't seen much since the arrival of DD, it's unlikely they'll give a second baby gifts but then my contact with them is sporadic and they were not really "into" kids in the first place. People close to/important to the baby will still take an interest and be excited about another baby's arrival and as others have said, the baby is only really bothered about you being interested! What has led you to worry about this now though when you said you wanted a big age gap and presumably won't be thinking about getting pg for years anyway?

notcitrus Sat 02-Feb-13 05:34:07

It's much nicer having a second because you have a clue what to do and can celebrate your first becoming a special big sibling.
I have to admit that my 3.5 year age gap is fantastic as both think the other is the funniest and most wonderful being in the world, and the 1 year I'd aimed for would have been much harder work physically and mentally. But friends have a 7 year gap which has worked very well too.

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