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Feel like I'm drowning

(16 Posts)
Imanawfulmother Tue 29-Jan-13 09:34:33

I've nc'd for this. I'm not a journalist. Cod / rivers of poo etc.

I think I'm sinking fast.

DS is 2.3yo. I work part time from home, with odd days in the office. I am exceptionally lucky in that DS is healthy and reasonably happy.

But I don't think I am happy.

I am terminally bored and grumpy all the time. DS is at the lovely tantrum stage with early waking at 5 (later bedtimes/cutting naps not working) and, thanks to nursery one day per week, has an almost permanent "ick" going on - either a cold, or a bug, or something else.

I hate cars, Duplo, castles and all the toddler stuff. I try to organise "stuff" like classes, play dates, time out, but I need to work; it should be when he naps, but he is starting to drop his nap and work is being as flexible as possible, but I have deadlines.

It's always pouring with rain, or snow or windy (we live in the coast) and DS wants to go out, then 3 minutes later he wants to come back in.

I'm relying more and more on TV to help occupy him as he will not play without me and there is only so much "that's lovely dear" I can do about pushing a car over the floor.

The house is getting to be a tip, I can't get away to clean anything, and I don't want to do anything anyway. I don't want to cook, and menu planning has gone down the tubes as DS doesn't eat "food" anyway.

I have an ongoing health issue which may be serious - I'm waiting for results, so that's not helping.

In short; I've had it and I want to run away.

I know there is nothing anyone can do, but I needed to vent.

N0tinmylife Tue 29-Jan-13 09:37:50

Is there anyway you can run away, just for a weekend? It really sounds like you could use some time out!

N0tinmylife Tue 29-Jan-13 09:40:06

Oh, and you are not an awful mother, you are understandably, knackered, and stressed!

unclefluffy Tue 29-Jan-13 09:40:48

What you need is more nursery. (Oh, OK, there are probably other things, but my solution to this problem was more childcare.) Can you afford it? Actually, given that you are supposed to be working, can you afford not to?

Don't mean to sound harsh (either to you or my lovely DDs) but nursery is wonderful - gives you time to think/work/breathe and gives them endless stimulation and people to push Duplo cars around for hours who can cope either because they are paid or because they are two

Startail Tue 29-Jan-13 09:50:17

Is nursery all day and can you afford two conservative full days.

I'm a SAHM, but I still sent DD to nursery one full day a week.

Toddlers do my head in if I have them 24/7.

I think you need time to work and time to be mum and time to be you.

I suspect one days nursery just isn't giving you that.

Startail Tue 29-Jan-13 09:53:35

Also DH did bed one night a week from before DD went to nursery and carried on until she was at school.

I vanished to swim up and down the local pool.

I actually only changed to daytime because the pool messed with the time table. Otherwise I'd have kept my evening off

Tolly81 Tue 29-Jan-13 09:53:47

Definitely sounds like you need a break. Can you have a night away with dp/dh? If there's no one to look after ds how about a night away with a female friend or relative. You need to recharge. You're not a bad mother it gets to everyone. Would also agree with pp who suggested more childcare. If you could manage another day you would get so much work done, ds would get to play with messy stuff and the house would remain tolerable for another day. As for the other days at home I don't have any good suggestions other than to try and take him out and tire him in the morning so that even if he doesn't nap he might be ok with some quiet time? Good luck and don't beat yourself up, working from home with a toddler sounds really ridiculously hard.

afussyphase Tue 29-Jan-13 11:37:55

Mine's just about 2 and does my head in. And she's at nursery (so in theory, I can work. In practice, I can sit at work and think 'uuuuuuhhhh tired tired back hurts tired uuuuuhhh'). I don't know if it's the broken sleep, the tantrums, the walking on eggshells - if she doesn't get to wear the right coat, whatever, there is SCREAMING. Or maybe it's just the contrast: screaming monster one minute, delightful loving smiling thing the next. Or what. But I feel for you - there is no way I get any work done at all if she is around. And nap time is shorter and less reliable than it used to be. so, another vote here for more nursery!

Imanawfulmother Tue 29-Jan-13 14:00:27

Doing my head in is a very apt phrase.

Sadly DS is very like me; we tend to clash quite badly, or rub along perfectly!

Well, as the consensus of opinion seemed to be in favour of more childcare, I have spoken to DH and "discussed" it with him - or more accurately I have moaned at him and then told him what is going to be happening.

I upped my hours for work to cover his one day, DH is using childcare vouchers so it brings his NI down so we save there and I'm bloody well going to look at the amount we spend on childcare as an investment in my sanity; I'll start meal planning to bring food costs down and stop "frittering" on non essentials.

So I've emailed the nursery about an extra day. I figure that I can do some overtime to cover things - if I do an extra 10 hours per month(which isn't unfeasible) then we would only be about £30 worse off per month; and DS will get funding as from next year and we were planning to ditch Sky so that will more than cover the shortfall!

Just hope to god they say he can start!

Yfronts Tue 29-Jan-13 22:28:18

Hes at a good age to start nursery. It will give you both a break.

Imanawfulmother Wed 30-Jan-13 12:48:48

I love my DS's nursery. They've just emailed me back to say that he can do another day.

It's so silly, but I almost cried when I read it - and the manager said that it will probably help him too (well, she would, but I think she's right).

I'm just so relieved that I only have to "cope" for three days on my own, and for most of these I have a class or a group in the morning or afternoon, so it's really only one and a half days blush

Thank you all for giving me the kick up the arse I needed to talk to DH - sometimes it's hard to see the wood for the trees, and I'd convinced myself I was a bad mother for not coping!

Themobstersknife Wed 30-Jan-13 12:59:51

So glad you have got a good solution. Change your user name! You are not an awful mother. You have just got lots on and are tired! I haven't loved the early years with mine but my older one is now 3.5 and a delight at times, a terror at others, but she is great company and I am enjoying being her mum much more now.
So sorry to hear you have a possible health issue hanging over you. I have had some health problems over the years, and lots of worry, and that definitely will be impacting you, so go easy on yourself. I have been a total grump since being poorly last year, and it is only now my younger one is starting nursery that I am feeling more myself!
Hope you manage to recharge and feel better about it all, and all the best on the health front.

Ionasky Wed 30-Jan-13 13:26:23

good decision re nursery, it wears them out more too so he might nap longer the next day if you're lucky - dd is 2 yr 3 mo and i am frequently struggling to hold onto my temper, the constant whiney repetition is tough - you have a lot going on there too, i hope the health issues don't turn out to be serious.

Missingthemincepies Wed 30-Jan-13 13:48:14

V sensible, glad you could get the extra day. DS is 2.7 and we're coming out of the food issues. At 2.3 he'd eat fish fingers and sausages, Cheerios, and....yep that was about it! Just carried on offering and now he's recently turned a huge corner and will eat pretty much anything out in front of him. So hang on in there! I'd make big pots of cottage pie and freeze individually, always upset me much less to throw away something I'd heated up rather than something I slaved over for 2 hours just before serving up.

Also, we found a groclock with sticker rewards to be amazingly helpful in moving wake up from 4.30-5am through to 6.30 (slowly over a couple of months).

My last advice is unlikely to be possible if financially stretching for more childcare. But if it is feasible, think about a cleaner. Ours comes once a week and does the ironing too. I'd rather lose a holiday a year than my cleaner, seriously, best thing I ever did.

Hope your health improves and you manage a bit of me time, sounds like you desperately need it.

unclefluffy Fri 01-Feb-13 11:07:45

Oh well done that woman!

Shellywelly1973 Fri 01-Feb-13 23:19:55

Great that you've organised another day at nursery.

I've been a mum for decades (seriously!). There are certain stages that are more difficult then others. At times i literally have pulled my hair out. Thank god for nursery!!

You sound like you've alot going on at the moment, give yourself a break...

Your not awful, human, thats all. Take care of yourself.

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