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Another 3 year old post! I feel I am no longer a nice mum

(13 Posts)
FeeFiFoMum Sun 27-Jan-13 22:10:10

That's just it, really.
I have a 3 year old (and 7 month old).
3 year old is alternately very affectionate and incredibly obstinate/ provocative.
I asked him what he worries about tonight and he said: Monsters in the bathroom, and you getting cross mummy.
I feel pretty bad. I do get cross a lot, frustrated with him and irritable.
I honestly used to feel sure that I am a nice person, but I am really not so sure at the moment.
Arrggghhh! What can I do?

NatzCNLS Sun 27-Jan-13 22:14:55

Give him a big cuddle and say mummies get cross, but cuddles get mummies happy again! Then accept that kids can crush you like a grape when they want to... grin

My DD's often come to give me hugs because 'you have the grumps mummy'. It cheers them up and cheers me up! Parents do get cross, children get parents cross, it's normal.

SequinsOfEvents Mon 28-Jan-13 16:43:53

Today my DS (3 and a half) told me he was so well behaved today (he's been dreadful and my DH had words with him last night) so that "you'd be less cross Mummy" My heart broke a little bit too when I heard I understand your feelings! See? They're all at it the little monkeys!

Anyway........nice advice above (I'm going to try that cuddles thing) - just chill out. I'm sure the rest of it will fall into place - you're not cross all the time and he knows that.

Cuddle more and just carry on doing your best - it's probably not as bad as you think! grin

AbsintheMinded Mon 28-Jan-13 17:05:47

Ill give you a bit of hand holding here. I'm hiding while the 1 yo and 3 yo play together. Am knackered today from 1 yo keeping me awake all night last night and became a monster today. Earlier, I roared when the youngest tipped a yogurt all over the floor and then they both cried. Understandably. Gave them hugs and apologised after i cleaned up the mess.

Feel terrible and would love some tips on how to keep it together. God it's hard.

fairylightsinthesnow Tue 29-Jan-13 21:01:49

just chipping in for solidarity. 3 and a 1 year old too. I only have one day a week when its both of them and just me, otherwise I would be a basket case smile If they're aren't nicking the trains for the trainset off each other, they are chasing each other around having a lovely time except that DD will inevitably crash into the doorframe or something; if one wants a drink I automatically make two, or they fight over it, DS will wait til I am busy with DD and then poo in his pants AGAIN, yoghurt, cereal, juice all over the kitchen floor, DD chalking on the carpet......
As for tips: Get the older one into pre-school, find a park and soft play that is set up so you can supervise both (not always easy), have playdates, get GPs over for the afternoon, microwave tea that has gone cold or get a thermal mug, always have choc biscuits in the fridge (for you, not them), only say "For FUCKS SAKE" in your head, not out loud blush, remember its only carpet, it can be washed, mopped, whatever, take deep breaths, cbeebies and NickJr is your friend, and grab them for big cuddles when they are being adorable. Hope that helps smile

AbsintheMinded Wed 30-Jan-13 06:34:33

Thanks Fairylights. I've been microwaving coffee in the morning. Was looking yesterday at my cold tea in the afternoon and chickened out of trying that nuked.
I'm in a not so enviable position. One car, which DH needs for work. Live in the middle of nowhere and no relatives or friends nearby. So cabin fever can set in a bit. There is lots to do outside but 3yo fights to stay in. I tried to call her bluff yesterday and went out with the baby and left her inside. Kept calling her to the front door to count her fingers and toes but still couldn't entice her out. So baby and I went up and down the driveway a few times but DD stood firm.

DH was away the past two days with work but has promised me that he'll give me some time to myself this evening. That might be just 30 mins but I'm already planning all sorts.

How are you doing FeeFiFo?

Iggly Wed 30-Jan-13 06:41:11

Oh I have a 3 and 1 year old too.

I get wound up if I'm tired which I always am or hungry. I have to actively force myself to stay calm otherwise I get annoyed.

I sometimes have to resort to bribery in the form of chocolate buttons to get the 3 year old out the house.

It's hard now because it's winter and rubbish weather. When it's warmer we'll be outside all the time.

Trazzletoes Wed 30-Jan-13 06:51:10

Joining the club of pain. DS is 3 but poorly so we rarely get out. Drives us all nuts!

Must remember to say FFS in my head. Thanks for the tip grin

DS told me last week that I'm not a very nice mummy <weeps>. Then said, are you listening to me, mummy? I said you are a nasty mummy!

Yes, thanks, I heard you perfectly well the first time.

DD has just turned one and is at the stage of getting anything and everything off the coffee table <sigh>.

Thank goodness she is in nursery today so I only have to cope with DS.

AbsintheMinded Wed 30-Jan-13 11:54:39

Okay, we were going great today until the prenap meltdown from 3 year old. It was horrible and I've been beating myself up during their nap over how I could've done x,y and z differently. Searched 'not coping' on MN and found an old thread by someone like me. There was this article included that has me feeling somewhat normal again.
why you're never failing as a mother

We'll hope that the afternoon goes better and I keep it together until DH gets home. He better not be late...

Ladyofthehouse Wed 30-Jan-13 19:52:51

I'll join you all - one DD is 3 in April and the other 2 in March. Also been struggling with naps big time! And last week the nearly 3 yr old bit me so hard I still have teeth marks now! Slightly different as we are adopting them so they have been with us for just over 3 months now so I'm never sure if I should be coping better or not!!

I've been reading a book called "playful parenting" which I'm finding really helpful - when they just won't play together or have zero attention I know I can just resort to tickling which is just as good!

The mess is hard to cope with - the eldest is terrified of the hoover so can only do it if they're out or DH is home so I can comfort her!

That blog post is great though!

How was your afternoon Absinthe?

missedith01 Thu 31-Jan-13 23:30:22

Feel for all of you, I have a toddler who will be 3 in March and twin babies at 14 months. Toddler alternates between being really sweet with the babies and hitting them with toys, pushing them, etc when he gets bored or tired or frustrated. If I shout (which I am occasionally driven to do) he crumples into tears. If I remain calm he takes no notice and calls me grumpy (and worse).

I have a rotten temper and find the main thing is to stop myself reacting instantly to what has happened (not easy when the toddler has just pushed his sister over for the 10th time today).

I won't call these tips but this is how I get through:

I find it essential to get out every day ... even if only a short walk to the local shop for an "essential" item, whether we need it or not. Of the five days I'm alone, we go to a playgroup on one day, he has a day in nursery, we visit his Dad at work and have a cake once a week for an hour, that leaves me with two days "free" to fill with walks, visits to family/friends, etc.

He improves after a nap so I let him have one (his Dad is absent all day but gets him to bed in the evening so I figure he owes me that much!)

He loves books, so if things are going pear-shaped I sit them all down to read and that makes everyone calmer (including me)

If things are going really badly I take him up to his room where he has some special toys that his baby brother and sister are not allowed to have. I leave him on his own (which he's quite happy to be for a short while) for fifteen minutes to have a quiet play, then go up and have a chat when I am cool and he is happier.

To add to the volatile mix one of my twins has just started biting. The look on my toddlers face when the worm turns and he gets a nip is outraged ... like he thought he was going to be the only one handing it out and it never occured to him that he might be on the receiving end! Sigh ...

AbsintheMinded Fri 01-Feb-13 10:20:25

I can't imagine what it's like with twins as well missedith. Sounds like you have a good routine going.

I've been better the last few days and I think sleep plays a big part in it all. Baby only woke 5-6 times last night instead of nearly 10 at the start of the week.

I got us all out yesterday by using Igglys tip. Gave DD a bit of chocolate once she was outside. Worked a treat to get her dressed and out without any tears.

I've got "Playful Parenting" too and only halfway through. I read a bit then feel motivated to play so never get far with the book. It is great though and I find it easier to apply when I'm not so tired. Night weaning may have to happen soon.

How's it going for everyone else?

Ladyofthehouse Sat 02-Feb-13 19:26:21

Well this week has been completely different for me! My DD has been so calm and good I've been questioning if she's ill (or maybe plotting something!).

She's had a couple of little tantrums but they haven't escalated into the throwing or biting and spitting stage. So we've just been going completely over the top telling her how pleased we are and how good she is.

It definitely helps to get out of the house every day - she gets bored so easily though so I've been taking my mum to toddler groups with me as otherwise I end up having to stop my youngest DD from playing just to follow the other one round the room! Even at swimming which she loves after 20 minutes she decided she wanted to just walk around on the side and go up stairs which have a No Entry sign on them!!

Sounds good that you are getting more sleep - I was shattered last week which I don't think helped things either.

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