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Dealing with a competitive mum their baby was the best - help

(30 Posts)
zcos Thu 24-Jan-13 22:43:25

The mum in question makes it sound like she had the perfect baby / was the perfect mum.
According to her annecdotes that she repeats over and over and I have heard for years. Her baby slept through from 6 weeks ... Shortly after would sleep 12 hours if she wanted a lie in baby would go down at 9pm and would sleep til 9. Baby started on solids at 4 months... Crawled at 9 months and was talking and walking at a year. Not sure if all this is true but want advice on how to deal with it my baby is 7 weeks so think it may get worse as she gets older if she isn't on solids at 4 months etc ... I won't be pushing my baby just to compete.
Worse thing her baby is now 30 years old...and it's me!
So yes how do I deal with my mum who wants to advise but seemingly had the perfect baby (it must have been true I'm perfect now!) ... Help!

QTPie Sat 26-Jan-13 01:35:23

Well there are quite a few babies out there who do do things like that, but remember that 30 years is a loooooooong time to "soften" the memory. Your Mum will be looking back with rise tinted glasses and forgetting about the tough times (everyone has tough times!).

If it is getting much, maybe "thanks Mum, but this isn't helping right now"?

Anyway, it is better than my mum: in the hospital (when DS had just be born), she said "oh he is a lovely baby. You were a lovely baby - it was only later that you were horrible". Fortunately the second time she said it, her cousin was mindful to get her to be quiet - otherwise she would have been thrown out.

Your baby, your choices. Ask for help/advice if you want it, but don't be afraid to get more space if you need it. Parenting has moved on a lot in 30 years: some things are the same, others are quite different.

steppemum Sat 26-Jan-13 00:01:47

op - just save it all up until you need a babysitter and then hand dc over with 'you are so goos at it, you did such a good job as a mum, that I am confident ot leave dc with you' and go out on a date with dh and turn your phone off!

zcos Fri 25-Jan-13 23:45:08

seeing my mum on Sunday sure she will mention walking and talking then I keep trying to catch her out!

rrreow Fri 25-Jan-13 16:56:32

I have selective memory 18 months later about some of those early moments, let alone what it would be like 30 years later!

ceeveebee Fri 25-Jan-13 14:52:12

I was walking at 8 months, my sister at 7 months. Mum had 4 under 5 (i'm second oldest) and no double pram so probably didn't have much choice, had to move out of the way for the next baby!

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 25-Jan-13 12:50:22

Walking and talking isn't unusual at 12 months not 9 blush

fedupwithdeployment Fri 25-Jan-13 12:40:26

I sort of get teh opposite...Fed up - how come your children are so delightful when you were so guastly? Hey ho - it must be my superior parenting skills. I often wonder what gems my mother would come out with (we didn't get on very well), but sadly she's not around, so not a problem with which I have to deal!

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 25-Jan-13 12:36:18

my mum did say she will have to see if she can remember how to do things because obviously you are doing everything wrong, but then how could you be because you are so perfect grin

Agree walking and talking at 9 months isn't particularly unusual our DS was walking around furniture from 9 months and started walking independently from 2 weeks after his first birthday. Just thought that was within the normal range and as mentioned above, she has every chance of meeting that target smile.

zcos Fri 25-Jan-13 11:49:19

maybe I'm wrong bout walking what she said it was def v early I was apparently walking miles as soon as I started! shock
I do hope she keeps my mum up all night when she baby sits at end of month but my mum did say she will have to see if she can remember how to do things!

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 25-Jan-13 10:55:15

Sound like your DM is in for a bit of a reality check rattling grin

rattling Fri 25-Jan-13 10:39:26

None of my mum's 3 children ever tantrummed. And we all just ate what was presented to us hmm She has my 3 year old twins today - there will be much tantrumming, some as a result of the "wrong" food being offered grin

CaseyShraeger Fri 25-Jan-13 08:15:31

Walking at a year isn't particularly early/odd (although also normal not to be walking at that age). Also crawling at 9 months not particularly early. So you stand a good chance of meeting at least some of her expectations... grin

zcos Fri 25-Jan-13 07:28:31

just hope she doesn't start telling me how to change dd to make her more like I was!

zcos Fri 25-Jan-13 07:27:32

yeah I'm sure she is seeing things through rose tinted specs and I don't want to destroy those memories for her. not so bad if she just thinks my dd isn't as easy as by all accounts my sister wasn't ... she is also probably sick of these stories!

monsterchild Fri 25-Jan-13 00:58:19

If it's any consolation, my Mom has the same memory of me. That I was simply a quite, watchful child, no problem. I was 5 of 6. What she DOESN'T tell people is that I was also forgotten a lot. As in, left at a garage sale, not picked up numerous times until an older brother remembered I was supposed to be home. I called home once after not being picked up and Mom asked me where I was!!!

monsterchild Fri 25-Jan-13 00:56:15

guineas was pretty good! But I'm not sure having a daughter who was much better than guinea pigs is really something your mom should be bragging about!

zcos Fri 25-Jan-13 00:49:06

Guinness not guineas that sounds like a book about guinea pig feats ... Really must try to get some sleep sure that wash as funny as I thought it was!
biscuitIs this emoticon sushi?

zcos Fri 25-Jan-13 00:47:41

Oh ps she doesn't say how she did the me managing to sleep walking or talking early think it was mainly all,me not forced. I should have been in the guineas book of records

zcos Fri 25-Jan-13 00:45:27

grin Monster ... Almost laughed out loud glad I didn't DH would be very confused if it woke him!
No therapy I'm perfect remember!!
Strange how she never talks like this about my teenage years smile
... I was quite late when my periods started for example be weird wouldn't it if mums bragged about that sort of stuff .. His voice broke before all the others in his class etc grin
I'm going to try my hard to do the nodding thing cos it's me Until i had my own D it was good to hear she was just telling me how brilliant I was now its the same stories over and over.

CaseyShraeger Fri 25-Jan-13 00:36:22

An interested-but-noncommital "Mmmm?" is your friend. Backed up if necessary by a mild "Well, I'm finding this works well for us at the moment."

Repeat a variant on these two phrases until your child grows up.

monsterchild Fri 25-Jan-13 00:34:14

like, no slur intended! stupid finger blush

monsterchild Fri 25-Jan-13 00:32:51

just tell her that you'd kike your child to not need all that therapy when she's older... grin

zcos Fri 25-Jan-13 00:32:34

Ceeveebee she was doing baby led weaning... I was reaching for their food etc... (Or so the story goes).

JiltedJohnsJulie Fri 25-Jan-13 00:31:19

Don't forget too that the advice she was given 30 years ago was probably to wean at 4 months, so might just think she is passing on good advice she was given at the time. Luckily there has been lots of research done in the intervening years smile

ceeveebee Fri 25-Jan-13 00:29:44

Giving baby solids at 4 months nowadays is nothing to be proud of. Tell her you prefer to follow NHS and WHO guidelines and wait until 6 months. If you want to be contrary then do baby led weaning just to annoy her grin

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