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How to deal with a pushy MIL situation

(19 Posts)
Cupcakemummy85 Wed 23-Jan-13 18:19:13

I need some advise. I new to know what u would do in this situation. So my dd, 18 months has a very busy day ahead of her tomorrow. Doctors in the morning followed my friends visiting and playing at soft play. The friends visiting wont leave til around 4 so she won't be able to nap at all. My MIL has invite is over for dinner but is insisting it is at half past six and that my dd eats with everyone. My issue is that my dd will b very tired, grumpy and probably very hungry come 5pm so a dinner at half six will probably result in a total meltdown. My dh said she will b fine and I should stop fussing. I'm 38 weeks pregnant, shattered and can't handle the stress. What do I do? Am I the one in the wrong or is my MIL being a total pushy bitch once again lol

HilaryClinton Wed 23-Jan-13 18:32:31

I think my general advice would be "push back".

Feed at five, follow whatever bedtime you think is appropriate. Say to MIL very cheerfully "yes, it would have been lovely if she could have been up, but at this stage dealing with an avoidable tantrum takes top priority for me". Do not apologise. Eat with the adults.

amothersplaceisinthewrong Wed 23-Jan-13 18:36:24

Definitely say to MIL that whilst it will be lvoely to have her cook dinner etc, DD will not be up for a dinner at half six that you at 38 weeks pregnant want her in bed so you can have a break. And if MIL won't back down, send DH on his own and stay at home and put your feet up.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Wed 23-Jan-13 18:37:33

Why not ask her to.come round to you? Baby to bed and dinner / take away after it.

PurplePidjin Wed 23-Jan-13 18:58:51

My dh said she will b fine and I should stop fussing.

Simple - dh can take her to visit mil at 5pm while you have a relaxing bath and an early night.

You don't think it's a good idea, they do, let them deal with the consequences! Suggest they make it really exciting and have a sleepover grin

Cornsyilk99 Wed 23-Jan-13 19:01:12

no way!
tell dh to take her and handle the tantrum and you stay at home

Lucylucy57 Wed 23-Jan-13 19:03:27

I had a similar experience last week. Invited for dinner at the in laws but it wasn't till 6 and DS is usually fast asleep by then. I said we couldn't go and was actually a bit annoyed that they had given us such an inconvenient time as they know his bedtime. I often have to say no to things they invite us to. At the end of the day, if it's going to cause a massive disruption to his routine and the inevitable fall out, it just isn't worth it. I'm sure they think I'm a cow but I don't care. I have no idea what your in laws were thinking asking such a thing of a small girl and a very pregnant lady! Totally bonkers and it's the last thing you need. Stay strong and get that foot firmly down!

exoticfruits Wed 23-Jan-13 19:06:12

Just thank her for the invitation but turn it down.

LemonBreeland Wed 23-Jan-13 19:08:49

My 18mo dd would be fine in that situation, however many dc aren't.

Your dds dinner should not be moved to suit MIL. Why upset your tired child. Feed her when you want to. It is not up to your MIL to dictate when your child eats.

wanderingalbatross Wed 23-Jan-13 19:19:31

I have a similar aged DD and I'd get her to nap in her buggy in the day wherever we were after lunch, feed her dinner at 5pm as usual and then take her to MIL's where she can eat again at 6:30 with everyone.

But, I know DD would nap after lunch in buggy, I know she's fine with occasional late nights and a change to the routine, I know my ILs would be understanding if she were tired and I am not quite 38 weeks pg so probably not as tired as you smile only you know your DD though and whether she'd cope.

PurplePidjin Wed 23-Jan-13 20:24:18

Fwiw, I am only recently a parent but when visiting friends with dc i would expect to fit in to their routines. So if your dd needs to nap a a certain time, let her.

I'm actively trying to encourage my 9wo to nap around 1 because it fits my friend's toddler blush

Pozzled Wed 23-Jan-13 20:31:07

Did MIL invite you before or after you arranged the soft play etc?

If your DD can't cope with everything, then you should politely decline on the last invite, whether that was the meal or the visit/soft play. (Disclaimer: I'm assuming no other relevant factors such as friend lives in Australia and is only around for one day!)

Passthesaltdear Wed 23-Jan-13 20:46:08

Fit your dd's nap time in during the day, let her sleep in car or buggy so she will be ok to stay up a while at night. Sometimes it just pays to be a bit flexible to keep everyone happy

Emsyboo Wed 23-Jan-13 21:10:17

I would let DH take DC and have a rest.

My MIL always wants us to fit round her not DS I have only just started to put my foot down and wish I did it sooner as if you accommodate them they then ask for more and more and it is DC that suffers and sometimes it would take me a couple if days to get him back into routine and less grumpy from missing naps.
A bit if flexibility is fine but there is only so much they/you can handle and while you are so heavily pregnant you don't need the stress or grief from a tantrum.
Just my view feel free to do what suits you.
Good luck x

HecateWhoopass Wed 23-Jan-13 21:13:58

Ignore your mother in law.

Your child can have a nap while your friends are there, after soft play, can't she?

Give her something to eat to keep her going

If your mother in law doesn't like it - tough shit.

HecateWhoopass Wed 23-Jan-13 21:14:47

And yes. Husband takes her alone.

I think you will have a terrible headache and really feel so ill.

Don't you?


Cupcakemummy85 Wed 23-Jan-13 21:51:54

You are all right!! My MIL can do one!! Lol I told my dh that I had already planned tomorrow with my friend and her daughter and she is travelling a long way and she is pregnant too. so I am not cancelling with her for a night of dd being over tired and being told by MIL how to bring up my child! It's so frustrating because she has said we candi it the following night, same time! It is like banging my head against a wall. Actually that would feel better to me right now lol. My parents are super flexible and work around us, they know I can b a little bit of a nervous wreck sometimes but my MIL thinks I'm ridiculous. Her style of parenting is old school, children should fit around u, u should b able to cart them around with u wherever u r. Well I'm not really like that and I know my dd is sensitive like me. Bloody in laws!! Even when I had PND with my dd she thought it was a load of crap!
Wow sorry rant over lol. That felt better! I swear I'm going to go into labour in a minute ha ha.

Cupcakemummy85 Wed 23-Jan-13 21:52:48

And u r right, my dh can take her and I'm having a long bath an a huge bar of chocolate for my dinner!! Lol

susanann Wed 23-Jan-13 22:03:56

Sounds like a good plan cupcake!

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