Hitting, kicking, biting 13mo - is this normal or does she just hate us?!

[Onesliceortwo]

We're becoming quite concerned. Our DD regularly hits and bites, whether distressed or not - just when she's in reachable distance of us. When she's cross eg. having her nappy changed etc she will kick us. It started about a month ago but nowhere near as hard as it is now. Although she will go for us both, the person that she hurts the most frequently is me (her mum).
We are very consistent with her and when she does it she has a firm no and is 'removed' from us - put on the floor, we walk away etc but she just carries on regardless!
Any similar experiences out there? Any advice?
We are beginning to think that she does actually hate us and it won't be long before she puts an ad in the paper for new staff!

[Onesliceortwo]

I should have also said that she also regularly laughs as she's doing it ......HELP!

[ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts]

i think you are doing the right thing. my 15mo pulls hair and smacks. I've tried ignoring but it doesn't work so a firm no and removal shows it is unacceptable. but showing gentle hands seems to be working. if he pulls his sisters hair we say "be nice to X" and show him how to be gentle. i think he's slowly grasping it...

[Onesliceortwo]

Thank you, that's really reassuring.We show her to say 'ahh' whilst stroking the person that she's just hit - sometimes she manages this and cuddles in and others she starts off being nice and then flips back to the dark side whacking us again! I'm relieved we're not alone ......

[NaturalBaby]

My toddler is nearly 2 and has been kicking for a while. He mainly does it as a game, which I stupidly encouraged because I was admiring how flexible he is. We now do standing up nappy changes whenever possible! I try to make it into more of a fun game to do something slightly different with his legs - he now just puts his feet up and says 'hello socks!' or claps hands, pats tummy, pats legs, or I say ready steady go when I'm nearly finished so he can jump up and start running around again.

[ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts]

yes we do "ah be nice" and show an open hand stroking. 13m is a huge development leap and they learn so much stuff. in a few months your dd will know so much and her communication will improve dramatically so she will understand your responses much better soon. my ds began his smacking etc around 12-13m and now at 16m his comprehension is 100% improved.

[CoolaSchmoola]

It's normal.

My DD started doing the same around the same age. We also do "gentle" and at 15 months she is doing things a lot less. She still occasionally gives me a quick bite when she's really tired though.

With the cross kicking for nappy change - I keep a couple of "nappy change only" toys in the drawer of the changing unit. I hand her one when I lay her down and it usually keeps her occupied until I've finished, with no kicks!

Mind you now she's 15 months the flailing at nappy change time is because she wants to take her own clothes off, change her own nappy, wipe herself and put her own clothes back on again! She can do socks, leggings, tights etc - but she can't do poppers on her vest - and if I try to help she gets VERY affronted .

[Onesliceortwo]

This is so reassuring - thank you all so much ..........

[mancshell]

Aww i am so sure your daughter loves you both more than anyone in the world, all my 5 children have gone through this, i have a 2 yr old now who is going through a very similar thing, except he throws things all over instead of hitting, but he did go through hitting a while back and even banging stuff, he even broke the screen on our tv, i was mortified, dad was more actually cuz he watched it more,
she is probably just expressing her emotions and frustration and your being mummy she feels safe enough for you to take the hit more than dad, and if i explained the reason for that it would take me all night hehe,
anyway the hitting shouting never stops, they just grow stronger, because my lad who is 10 who had autism spectrum goes for me every time he is mad, being bigger i worry i would get get alot more hurt,
you gotta set good guidelines though don't let her think she can hit you all the time because she will grow thinking that its the way we communicate, be firm, and tell her no hitting, (i sound like super-nanny) mind you after 5 kids you'd think i know it all.
my 2 year old kicks his legs at me when having his nappy changed its because he just hates it at times when i make him lay down, lol

hope i helped xxxx

[Onesliceortwo]

Thank you Mancshell - it's good to hear that although we don't like what she's doing it seems that we're approaching it the right way! Totally get what you mean though about the mum/dad thing ....... tee hee!

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

15mo can put her own tights on? I'm 32 and I struggle with the sodding things!