18 month old and baby on its way, help(4 Posts)
Hi all, I'm starting to panic and have sleepless nights at the moment. Dd is 18 months and I have only three weeks to go until my due date. I'm really starting to worry about what will happen to her routine, like, putting her down for a nap, where does the baby go? Putting her to bed, where do I put the baby, what if the baby screams? She loves me reading to her, what is I'm feeding and she insists on being read to. I take her out everyday for activities, what if one day I can't? And then there's the anxiety of when I go into labour, one of the grandparents will have to look after her, what if they don't do her routine right? What if they put her to bed too early and she gets upset. Mil thinks she goes to bed to late as it is. I know this all sounds ridiculous but over these past 18 months it's not been a smooth ride being a mum and I feel like my dd and I are so incredibly close and I know her so well. I'm scared about leaving her and I'm also scared about how she will feel about a new baby coming. I try and tell her about the baby but not sure an 18 month old really understands what is going to happen to "mummy's big bump" lol.
This all looks very ott written down but I have to tell someone my dh thinks I'm being silly an its not silly these are my feelings!
these things are worrying, but you can't predict what will happen.
you can choose between being anal - writing lists and preparing like a maniac if that makes you feel better (but know that once you are there you are not in control...) or you can prepare reasonably and let the chips fall where they may
yes, she'll be rattled, but it doesn't matter, she'll cope, she'll be safe and you worrying about her won't change a thing!
you'll pick it up where you left it after baby's born!
I have only one tip for you - when baby's born and it's time for her to see you, do this:
arrange the reunion in a way that she can see you and cuddle and kiss you first, share a treat (ice cream or cake or whatever), sit her on your lap or near you and have a chat about her day and how much you missed each other. fuss over her, she'll appreciate the attention!
she will have missed you, might not give a damn about baby, so don't be upset about that!
once she's settled with you or if baby makes a noise introduce them to each other, let her hold baby with your help etc - and there will be the beginning of a beautiful friendship!
you could give her a little present from baby as well, nice touch
also when visitors come it would be great if they could make a fuss about her first, not baby (sorry), most kids get jealous because suddenly they feel ignored - cue crazy aunt rushing past her and cooing over baby , while older child thins "and what about me?"
I felt really similarly to you when DS came along 2 years ago and DD was just over 2 at the time. I remember just cuddling up to her on the sofa before DS joined us and thinking that this is it, this is the end of the special relationship with DD and worrying so much about how it would all work out. Anyway two years on and my relationship with DD is different but it would have been anyway because she is now a feisty four year old rather than a terrible two. We are still very close and we now have a gorgeous wee soul in our lives in the form of DS. In the case of my DD she was and still is very jealous of DS at times but it is getting better and may not be the case with your DD at all, they are all so different. I had been worried about stuff like how DD would manage being looked after by someone else when I gave birth. As it was we had no grandparents around and the two female friends who had said they would have her were away too so we had to call a male friend who I am very close to but who barely knew DD as we had only recently come home from 2 years overseas so he had only recently started to get to know her. But she was totally fine and we laugh about it all now with her and make her laugh telling her that he managed fine up until she did a big poo! Anyway you don't want to hear all this I am sure but I just wanted to say that I was really worried too and it has been fine. They do fight sometimes but they also are great pals too. I do remember that I tried to pay DD as much attention as possible, you can still read to her when you are feeding and hopefully your LO will sleep a lot to start with and you can concentrate on DD then. Have to say cbeebies also came in very useful . We also tried to have time each week away from the house when it was just DD and I. This was more difficult to organise but really worth it and we still do try and do things just the two of us though now she often asks for DS to be there too!
Not ott at all. I felt exactly the same as you last year when Dd was 20 months and ds arrived a month early. I stressed about all the things you mention, but my biggest stress was what to do with dd when going into hospital, as I don't have any family (or friends!) nearby. But you know what? It all worked out. These things tend to. When you go to have your baby your mind won't be on what time your dd is going to bed . Having two so close in age isn't easy, I won't lie! But you will manage. It's a struggle but there really is no other option! Usually one of my children are crying at any given time while I'm dealing with the other but I can only do my best and can't dedicate as much time as I'd like to both of them all of the time. Baby usually is in the bouncer chair thing or sling whilst putting dd down for a nap. I spend quite a lot of time feeding ds while reading dd a book and cuddling her. Yes, I miss the days when it was just me and dd
an awful lot but I really wouldn't want to be without my ds either. And seeing my dd start to take interest in him and start to play with him finally is the most wonderful thing ever. For me, the hardest part is lack of sleep (not being able to go back to sleep in the morning like I did when dd was a newborn). I'd love to say that 6 months down the line it's got easier but it hasn't (weeps). The biggest change though is that I no longer treat dd as such a pfb and I am far more relaxed about her being looked after by others - this in itself is a huge weight off my shoulders.
What about your dh - he will be able to help, to take the baby away for an hour or so so you can still get time alone with dd? Will you have both of them at home with you all day every day and will you be getting help from anyone? Oh and try not to worry too much about not making it out every day. Be kind to yourself Enjoy these last few weeks with dd as your only child and try and sleep as much as possible!
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