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Further freakingly fantabulous adventures of the 40+ Mummies

(1000 Posts)
10000Fireflies Thu 17-Jan-13 20:13:44

For gorgeous, frolicking and fabulous 40-somethings to share the joys of becoming a Mummy, just a little bit later than most!! grin. Park your zimmer-frame next to your baby buggy, put your feet up, and come and join us in the snug.

littleredmonkey Fri 17-May-13 09:14:41

Hugs to cycle be home soon xxx

littleredmonkey Fri 17-May-13 09:22:06

Bbh. I want one of your muffins please. Had no carbs all week so dribbling at the thought. Rain coat on again but oh well.
Hope everyone is ok. Goat a film what is a film also not seen one since August
Mat leave slipping away fast ladies so I am enjoying every day with my little guy. So he won't nap in the day at home at least we see country side birds and lambs. I spent the first five months stressy and wish I hadn't so enjoy your little ones they grow so quick. Take no shit off mil dh or hv. U all do an amazing job. Xx

blueblackdye Fri 17-May-13 09:49:33

Somewhere, I dreamt about you last night ! Don't beat yourself too much about DS, no parent is perfect, it is an going learning process and these kids of ours are challenging. You will find a way to get things under control. I read Steve Biddulph, secret of happy children, and also raising boys, there are a few things I use now and again, there is also another book, listen to your kids so that they talk to you, something like that, I left it in France but will get my Mum to find the actual title (that will be funny and take a bit of time, as she does not speak a word of English !).
LRM, enjoy every minute with baby M. Mine is trying to escape from my bedroom crawling everywhere and playing with doors !

scarecrow22 Fri 17-May-13 20:54:07

cycle - thinking of you and so hoping baby cycle is well on the mend or at the very least you are reassured by the care he's getting.

Talking of duscipkibe, has anybody read Playful Parenting? Would you recommend? I don't take any books too literally but I don't want to waste my tune either. I need Bidulph's Raising Girls and Raising Boys. Maybe he does,a box set. Will be interest to compare and contrast.

Docs happy still T's cold only a cold, but think he might have reflux ad he is now possetting pretty well all through gap between feeds, and struggles with an comfy tummy. I'm still not convinced, but do any of you have suggestions for how I can help re my diet, feeding positions, and so on. Sadly scar and internal organs v uncomfortable again so have to lay off carrying him in pack which he lives as upright.

Goat, hope work calms down. Hope all poorly babies recover soon. Happy weekends all.

lotsofcheese Fri 17-May-13 21:21:08

Scarecrow - just sending my sympathies about the reflux - my DS suffered from severe reflux till age 3 - it was hell on earth. Posseting is ok, but anything more than a mouthful is a concern. DS would vomit the entire day's food - it was like something out of the Exorcist!!!! Is your wee one gaining weight ok?

Assuming you're elevating the head of the Moses basket with phone directories? Also keeping DS upright for 20 mins after feeds (I put DS in bouncy chair), using Infacol & winding regularly so that the wind doesn't bring up sick. I also used a slightly thicker stay-down type formula, but that won't be of any use if you're BF.

There is a link between reflux & cow's milk protein intolerance, so sometimes a very strict dairy-free diet could help, or a prescription low allergy formula.

There's also medication: Infant Gaviscon, which works in milder cases, and Omeprazole/Ranitidine/Domperidone - for more severe cases.

So that's a quick overview of reflux - good luck!

blueblackdye Fri 17-May-13 21:42:38

Waouh, lotsofcheese, you arevery literate re reflux. Scarecrow, I m the opposite of Lotsofcheese, I have no advice at all but here to comfort you and would happily hold T upright to ease your scar. I wonder if osteopathy could help ? A had difficulties to burp the first month, one session and it was behind, she would burp 3 sec after feed, almost instantly when I put her upright on my shoulder. But burping is much less an issue than reflux.

Books on parenting, I take bits here and there, try something from one author and smething from another one, depending on what I like really, but reading them raised second thoughts on my own style... Which is a mixture of Western and very Asian style ! No wonder why DS is sometimes a bit confused smile

somewherebecomingrain Sat 18-May-13 00:04:56

Omg can't believe I missed a knicky post glad its all going so well with ds how lovely. Dd Red face - that sounds more stressful Poor you I hope you are managing ok. Yep to no sex - it seems a wierd thought but I know we must. Dp not hugely interested but it would do him good.

scare glad dp being nicer. smilePosseting - dd throws up constantly to as did ds without any apparent discomfort other than occasional colic solved by burping. It went away with ds. Dd has thrown up huge mugfuls it seems like but then has a few days where it's less dramatic. I feel in my gut it will pass no pun intended. grinRe vom on boob I- once ds vommed into dp's mouth a little bit. He was just leaky and out it came as dp was tossing him in the air. I would burp t more and just go with the posetting flow. But I'm a cosleeper and a pushover! Anyway if its more serious then cheese is more apposite. Having said that re cow milk senditivity HAVE switched to soy milk on advice of HV. That consolidated poos but not sure it affected posetting.

bbd oh hon! I hope I was nice. Are you a tiger mum? I like your advice a lot. We are working constructively with the 'advice' (laying into) from the nursery head so we are trying to be grown up.

I read Steven biddulph and can't remember a thing.

chair love your description of lying with your little girl smiling at you. smilesmile

eagle love the tyres I saw such a thing on a 6 month girl recently they were a sight to behold (gorgeous)

Sorry to miss anyone brain like a seive.

Re projectile stuff my dd did another projectile poo - it was like a rocket taking off it covered metres hosing down everything in its path magically missing the expensive curtains in my rented accommodation. Heart in mouth stuff. Days later my ds was finding splats I'd missed on my clean up. He found it hilarious.

My ds is sort of resigned about dd. no tantrums just this running wild thing which I think we have under control. We are away this weekend and before we left he said 'the baby's not coming' with a cheeky grin but that's about as bad as it gets. I do feel there's a lot going on underneath though.

Right now I'm up with my fatty smiler bouncing her, kissing her, dodging sick, and feeding her (every evening is a feeding frenzy). Poss caffeine has woken her up too much.

bytheseaside Sat 18-May-13 12:17:27

Baby seaside and i met two eagles yesterday smile

scarecrow22 Sat 18-May-13 15:01:15

ooh seaside were they watery eagles?!

eagleray Sat 18-May-13 15:47:42

And we met a v cute little Seaside and her lovely mummy!

scarecrow22 Sat 18-May-13 17:36:47

they were watery! How lovely smile. How did you recognise each other?? Were babies good?

I've had a clandestine 40 plus blind date too....wink

cyclecamper Sat 18-May-13 17:50:46

Baby camper is slowly improving. When we were in a and e the Dr said He had some of the highest bilirubin levels that he'd ever seen. They put him under 3 lamps whilst they sorted out a transfusion. Fortunately he responded well to the lights and they stood down the transfusion. Fortunately by the next test he'd dropped below the transfusion trigger line. The consultant said that the levels were so high to start with that they are required to investigate the cause. Poor babycamper had to have a lumbar puncture and various blood tests and swabs. He is on 5 days of 2 lots of antibiotics in case they locate the cause. He is still being tube fed - he was on hourly then 2 hourly tube feeds and they have moved him up to 3 hourly today, and I can breast feed whilst they do it so he doesn't lose the association, but he isn't suckling very well. I'm expressing every 2 hours or so in the day and 3 hourly overnight. It's a bit time consuming and not very easy. At least I have stopped crying over everyone who walk in to his room. I'm down to about one in 4 grin. Anyway off to feed and express again. I'll try to catch up properly at some point!

lotsofcheese Sat 18-May-13 18:13:49

Good to hear from you, cycle & to hear that baby cycle is improving. It's so hard seeing your wee one having lumbar punctures, iv's, feeding tubes - not quite the experience of parenthood that you expect. Your hormones are all over the place too.

Babybel was exactly the same - jaundiced, sleepy, not feeding well & had time under the lights too. She's now at her term date & scoffing 800mls milk daily, having gained 2lb in 3 weeks at home.

If you need any advice/info re: expressing, just ask - I've had 2 early babies & expressed for both.

Hoping baby cycle continues to go from strength to strength x

blueblackdye Sat 18-May-13 18:38:00

holding your hand here Cyclecamper and hope baby cycle will keep responding well to the lamps, have to run now but thinking of you
wave to every one

blueblackdye Sat 18-May-13 19:22:21

Somewhere, I m trying not to be a tiger mum, not rejecting all of it but I was raised in this philosophy and it is hard not to repeat, the influence is so deep rooted ! there is good and bad, just trying to find the right balance

40+ secret and blind dates ?!! Oh, I m shocked smile

We are making progress: A has accepted to take 30ml of formula in a bottle at 9.5 months ! First time ever she does not spit it all out. And without too much fussiness. Well done my baby !

Re sex or no sex, well, I m still not decided what contraception to go for because of BF so atm is nothing is happening because a 3rd baby would send me straight to the grave ! I m too tired and cross enough with my entourage with only 2 !

Went (window) shopping today: need to find fabric for A's bedroom curtains and my bedroom. I found some at Designers Guild, but hum hum, silk and linen, excessively pricy so the hunt is on...

ChairmanWow Sun 19-May-13 07:54:46

cycle glad to hear that baby cycle is making progress and has avoided transfusion. How stressful to have to see him go through lumbar puncture. But he won't remember any of this stuff. I hope there are answers soon and they are straightforward. I feel for you having to express all the time. Hang in there thanks.

Re parenting books, I'm so opinionated and stubborn I tend to disregard a lot of what I read so I don't bother with books now. I chat with other mum friends and we discover what works. I have one friend in particular who has 3 kids , the eldest is 4 and is the loveliest and most beautifully behaved boy I ever did meet. She's my go-to person for parenting advice.

We're pretty much sex-free in this house as well. I think we're going to have to work at rekindling our sex life really. I have no libido. DH is keeping quiet about it but I can tell he's gagging for it. It feels so wrong for me to force myself to do it though.

So, over 40's dates eh? I'm so jealous. Am I the only northern bird on here? Calling any Mancunians!

This week we've started DS on the transition into a bed. The cot side came off a week ago and he hasn't fallen out once, which is a big surprise for such a wriggly boy. It took him 5 nights to realise he can now get out of the bed. I found him standing at the gated door talking to his fave cuddly toy. Very cute. Bed goes up today. We're going to make a big fuss of him. Let's see how it goes.

scarecrow22 Sun 19-May-13 09:03:55

Hello ladies.

cycle also glad DS is making progress, but so feel for you as it must be so worrying in your heart even when your head knows he is in good safe hands. We are all here for a virtual cry with hands to hold, BBD's muffins in the snug or brews.

chair that is too spooky as we have just put DD's bed up this morning - she has been sleeping in her "den" (an old baby sleep tent) for last few nights as practice. She worked out she can leave the den/bed/room in minute 1, but that is her personality, and I love heron the round... We are (read I am) prepared for a night or two of leading her back to bed; if she keeps getting up we will put travel cot up in her room as a threat. Have been loving image of you smiling at DD; I'm also allowing myself more cuddling to sleep etc than last time, and loving it.

Ditto loving loving baby eagle's rolly-poly legs smile

goat you are totally right to guard day off v jealously. I once or twice thought I would help out by doing things on my day off and they were never appreciated properly - often the work I did was delayed for launch so I could have done it the following week anyhow - and as soon as I'd done it a couple of times people came to expect me to be available and it was hard to row back from that. Stick to your guns!

Thank you bbd, cheese and somewhere for advice and offers of cuddling smile re reflux. I still feel in my heart probably not reflux but your advice cheese helpful to adjust what I'm doing while I wait for this eternal cold (4 weeks and counting hmm) to clear and is good to know in case I need to do more later. In the meantime I am making my diet massively blander, cut out my treat fizzy grapefruit cans, etc, drinking more water, winding more frequently during feed, and seriously considering the osteopathy as I already sometimes spend 30-40 minutes keeping upright and trying to wind, which is hard with DD wanting attention in day and tiring at night...zzzzz. With DD I used about 3 muzzies in her whole BF life, with T I'm using three a day and sometimes washing two sets of clothes and random assortment of pillow/duvet/cushion covers! Maybe I just need to buy shares in Persil and go with the flow, so to speak, just as long as he is not in too much discomfort.

Okay need to do some parenting! Have lovely days, and waves to everyone else xx

somewherebecomingrain Sun 19-May-13 09:09:31

Morning guys

cycle so pleased baby cycle is turning the corner. Unspeakably stressful. I am so glad he avoided the transfusion and that his bilirubin is coming down. Have they found the cause yet?

eagle and seaside you sound so totally naughty! Good for you chaps. Do you live close?

chair well done on your move of ds to bed! Our ds was vaulting out of his cot long before I remember. You do sound like an acely wise parent and I don't blame you for ignoring books.

I forget everything except one or two nuggets anyway
- biddulph, teach boys a real man has feelings
- ? Young children don't like direct questions or at least don't answe them.
- no discipline till age 2
- biddulph and Oliver James - nursery at 3
-DON'T SHOUT! Unless they're running into the road (easy one this)

Er... And that's it. I exaggerate a bit.

I think someone on here, poss scare, summed it up that all parenting involves wobbling around between two polarities - discipline vs creative chaos for example - trying to find the right balance. One strong argument for discipline is no solution not its opposite - it's all in the balance which constantly changes. Therefore any one parenting guru will only flesh out half your job.

I have found an amazing article on cosleeping basically answering all our questions - don't let baby fall asleep on your breast, in your arms or in the bed with you is a discourse based on 1950s scientific research when bottle feeding and sleeping separately was the norm 91% of women formula fed when leaving hosp.

It's just a discourse and a recent one. The unsafeness of bedharing applies to a certain kind of bedharing - poverty, substance abuse, smoking, obesity, lack of care over all the SIDS protective stuff. If you do the other kind of bedharing it's not dangerous. It's also what every culture has done and still does apart from the west since around the 19th century.

So if letting baby fall asleep in arms or on breast feels natural its
Cause it IS! Etc etc

somewherebecomingrain Sun 19-May-13 09:22:21

NOR it's opposite

scarecrow22 Sun 19-May-13 19:22:36

just posting here whole bf to stop me posting on a thread about the Kate Caraway campaign to get women to have kids younger hmm especially as currently a good spat with posters defending the women "choosing" to wait line.... perhaps we should march over to Chat en masse grin

ChairmanWow Sun 19-May-13 20:09:10

Heading there right after this. I need an outlet, for DH and I are having a spat. I'm afraid this is a me, me, me post. Apols in advance. Please feel free to skip.

DH and I are struggling a bit at the mo, I guess a lot of couples do with a newborn, but he has lost any ability to compromise and is becoming a bit overbearing. He's always seen as the laid back one and I'm the assertive one but that couldn't be further from the truth. He refuses to listen but does the 'I'm the one being reasonable here' act. He challenges every small childcare detail and treats me as though I've never done this before, but he doesn't think stuff through and has admitted before that I'm usually right. I have to fight with him over every expenditure for the house (which still needs a huge amount of work). It feels like I'm not trusted to make any decisions on my own, no matter how small, when we discuss things he repeats himself again and again until I either give up or end up losing it. I feel patronised and ground down at the moment.

He refuses to see that he has contributed to this at all. I think he's also resentful at having to step up when I was recovering from the Caesarian - be spent a lot of the time sulking. As soon as I started feeling better I did as much as possible - too much really. So this afternoon he told me he does everything. I clean every day and have at least one child attached to me 24/7. I'm so angry and tired I can't talk to him. I know this will end in a huge row, which I want to avoid, but I need him to see how he's behaving.

Sorry for venting on here. I'm dreading confronting this and worried about what to do if this carries on. Hopefully when we're sleeping better it will pass.

somewherebecomingrain Sun 19-May-13 21:22:19

Ps just thought re my cosleeping solilquy should stress no judgement implied - all in favour of diversity. Just want to know what I'm doing if I don't/can't do the recommended thing.

chair sorry hon. I agree it will pass - if sleep is scarce that is prob the real reason. It sounds textbook - in a good way. Obviously painful too. Vent away - that's what we are here for.


blueblackdye Sun 19-May-13 21:46:13

Chairman, challenges and arguments are the last things you want atm, I agree with you. I just do my best to avoid them by biting my tongue. I have stupid rematks from DH, although he tries to be helpful but he is so slow and so clumsy that it makes me even more impatient and rude. So I just shut up. The atmosphere is a bit tense but I'd rather avoid him. Until I/we sleep better. It seems like he wants to get some sort of control over me as he has none yet over A. I kind of understand he feels left out. I learnt with lots of difficulties to say how I feel when he does this or that. I don't know how much he understands what I say but at least I have spoken outloud firmly and gently instead of shouting my anger and frustration and scare DS ! My nature is the angry impetous b#%^*
Hope you sleep better tonight xxxx

Midgetm Sun 19-May-13 22:22:53

Running in to wave Pom poms for baby cycle. So much to say. So little energy to say it all. Will catch up tomorrow.

scarecrow22 Sun 19-May-13 22:25:17

chair sorry you are having a tough time with DP. Sounds like quote a few of us are in different ways, but combined with the money control that is especially tough. I'm catatonic ally tired right now, so unable to think. If I have a rational thought tomorrow I'll return. Otherwise always happy to hear a rant...though will almost never say "dump the b*****d" to AIBU for that!

somewhere and others might be interested in fantastic website I found when had DD, called Parenting Science (your soliloquies on co-sleeping reminded me...). Here is how the woman describes her site:

"Founded by a biological anthropologist (me), Parenting Science is dedicated to families who want information based on the scientific evidence.

It’s also dedicated to people who are interested in the big picture: Parenting and child development from the perspectives of anthropology, evolution, psychology, and neuroscience.

No folk theories. No preachy advice. No authoritarian pronouncements or pseudoscientific political dogma.

Instead, you’ll find something pretty rare among popular resources for parents:

In-depth analysis with fully referenced citations from the scientific and medical literature."

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