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Tears at bedtime- how to handle these in an 8 week old

(24 Posts)
CheeseStrawWars Wed 09-Jan-13 12:06:05

Babies cry, sorry. You'll hit various stages along the way, separation anxiety patches or whatever, but this too will pass... you just need to stick with it. You don't need to "fix" the problem so much as wait it out.

The Wonder Weeks is an interesting book/website - week 8 is the second "mental leap" of development so you can expect routines, bedtimes and things you thought you'd got the hang of to go out the window while that's going on:

"Research has shown that babies make 10 major, predictable, age-linked changes – or leaps – during their first 20 months of their lives. During this time, they will learn more than in any other time. With each leap comes a drastic change in your baby’s mental development, which affects not only his mood, but also his health, intelligence, sleeping patterns and the “three C’s” (crying, clinging and crankiness).

Babies cry during a leap because they’ve reached a radical new step in their mental development. That is good: it gives them the opportunity to learn new things. The “difficult” behavior is actually a signal that great progress is underway."

So the crying is a good sign, in a way!

Maternityleaveisawesome Wed 09-Jan-13 11:53:53

......But isn't. Pressed post too early!

Maternityleaveisawesome Wed 09-Jan-13 11:53:14

Nothing wrong with bedtime at 8 weeks. My dd cries at bedtime if she hasn't had a nap late in the afternoon. This nap has to be on me otherwise she wakes up. Try a longer later nap, sounds counterintuitive.

JiltedJohnsJulie Wed 09-Jan-13 11:27:49

Agree with all the others, she has spent 9 months tucked up inside you and wants to enjoy that warmth and comfort some more. Some people look on these first few weeks as the 4th trimester, she hasnt quite worked out that she is separate from you and that if you go away, that you will come back.

If you would like to read something that nay help have a read of 31 ways to get your baby to sleep or you may like the books Babycalming by Caroline Deacon and Sound Sleep by Sarah Woodhouse. Have you got the Dr Sears Baby Book too?

Just keep her with you for now, there is plenty of time for proper bedtimes later smile

ilovepowerhoop Wed 09-Jan-13 10:58:04

we didnt have a set bedtime at that age. They went to sleep in the evening downstairs and then were taken upstairs when we went to bed, probably with another feed in between.

mrscog Wed 09-Jan-13 10:18:03

I just think 8WO is too young for a 'bedtime' I read somewhere that there is little point in having a set bedtime until around 12/13 weeks - this is what we did with our DS and it worked well.

You can still distinguish night from day at this age though - so interactions after say 7pm should be dimmed lighting, soothing etc - not bright stimulations etc.

Thumbwitch Wed 09-Jan-13 10:15:07

8wo seems to be about the right time for this to happen - DS2 started to wail if left alone for too long at this point (he's 12wo now). Cuddles is the way to go - reassurance.

LittleBearPad Wed 09-Jan-13 10:12:55

Cuddle her and rock her to sleep.

GoldPlatedNineDoors Wed 09-Jan-13 10:10:25

Do you swaddle?

waterrat Wed 09-Jan-13 10:09:43

just to add - don't worry about 'bad habits' - it's easier to teach self settling and establish a bedtime routine once they are older and can lie in their cot without panicking! ie. 3/4 months...then they can see you, play with their toys a little....and I think it was at that age that bedtime gradually settled at an earlier time.

To reassure you that you won't set a bad habit - my 8 month old was just like that at 8 weeks - he now goes to bed , settles himself by playing with his toys - and all this at 630 ! so it does happen in its own time.

Overdecorated Wed 09-Jan-13 08:53:07

Absolutely agree with all of the above. I have a 5 month old who was exactly the same til about 12 weeks when it felt as though someone had flicked a switch and a bedtime routine became possible. Just go with it for now. Good luck smile

waterrat Wed 09-Jan-13 08:41:18

gosh - totally agree with others - 8 weeks old is too early for a 'bedtime' whatever those books (baby whisperer etc) might tell you. Just cuddle and feed until they sleep. They don't know they are separate to you yet - and they are just emerging from the constant sleeping of the early weeks - so when you put the baby in the cot they think they have been abandoned! They can't see you , they don't know where you are - they just want your body warmth.

Evening crying/ fussiness/ seeming more upset than usual - is very normal until at least 3 months in all babies as far as I know..

are you breastfeeding? If so, cluster feeding is normal - don't know how it works with bottle, but probably the same? feed little and often throughout the evening.

Read The book the happiest baby on the block about the 4th trimester - basically a doctor explaining that for the first 3 months, treat the baby like they are still in the womb.....

Alibabaandthe40nappies Wed 09-Jan-13 00:26:41

Cuddle her, and forget the idea of 'bedtime' for now.

CoffeeChocolateWine Wed 09-Jan-13 00:22:29

This is so fresh in my DD is 5 months now, but it seems like it was yesterday that I was spending my evenings just rocking, cuddling and doing what I could to soothe her until she passed out on me. The first 12 weeks are like the fourth trimester of pregnancy...not inside you anymore but they just want to be held and cuddled and be close to you all the time which is pretty intense.

I think when they're tiny they get pretty overtired very quickly and I always felt that a lot of her screaming in the evening was overtiredness and overstimulation. DH and I had different ways of dealing with it in those early weeks...his view was that she was going to scream anyway, so she may as well do it in his arms while he was on the sofa in the lounge watching TV. I always thought she calmed down quicker (don't get me wrong, there was still a fair bit of screaming!) when I took her upstairs in a quiet room, dimmed lights and comforted and fed her there. They like to cluster feed in the evening too so even if you think she's fed, feed her more if that's what she wants.

Is this your first baby? For what it's worth, both my babies were like this in the early weeks and it seems endless. But then, with both of them, something just seemed to click at around 3 months and it suddenly got easier. You will get your evenings back soon. promise!

whosthis Wed 09-Jan-13 00:06:58

yes, 8 weeks is too tiny. needs cuddling and love...

mercibucket Tue 08-Jan-13 23:15:20

bf to sleep is lovely

LadyWidmerpool Tue 08-Jan-13 23:11:00

I agree with Korma.

BigGiantCowWithAKnockKnockTail Tue 08-Jan-13 23:10:47

Until mine was at least 4 months old there was no such thing as 'bedtime' Everything just merged with our timescale. Don't push it, follow her lead and enjoy all the cuddles you can get. It's over far too soon.

RuchedCurtain Tue 08-Jan-13 23:09:56

Cuddles, rocking, singing, feeding.

My babies didn't have a bedtime at 8 weeks, just stayed downstairs with us/ in basket and clustered.

ClaraBean Tue 08-Jan-13 23:08:24

I agree. All mine stayed with me until they were asleep on me, and then kept them on me or dh until we went to bed.
They are so little, plenty of time for routines later.

FriggFRIGGisPoorlySick Tue 08-Jan-13 23:07:27

8 weeks is tiny she needs to feel your warmth,hear your heartbeat,see your face.
Just cuddle her.

There are years ahead for her to have 'bed time' right now,all she needs,is you.

FannyFifer Tue 08-Jan-13 23:05:40

Just rock her or cuddle her to sleep, too tiny to be worrying bout routines or anything yet.

Kormachameleon Tue 08-Jan-13 23:03:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AC786 Tue 08-Jan-13 23:02:11

Our daughter is 8 weeks old and has started to yell at bedtime. She has been fed, changed, winded etc. What is the best strategy to deal with this?

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