16 month sleep OH & I disagree

[Shootingstar100]

Help! Don't know what to do!! 16 month old is BF morning & bedtime & has been feeding to sleep. Has never slept right through but I've always fed back to sleep. Before Christmas started taking longer to settle or would nap while feeding then be wide awake again! DH started helping with settling at bedtime (staying with her until she went to sleep) and going in if she woke in the night telling her to lie down. She would go back to sleep for him really well! Anyway in the holidays we were staying with family & in the same room so she wouldn't settle knowing that I was there, and I fed to sleep again. Since coming home she slept through 2 nights but last night just constantly wanted to feed and wouldn't go back in her cot, had slight temp which I put down to teething. I got hardly any sleep. Tonight she went down at 9.30 but woke at 11.30. I fed her & tried to put her in cot but she wouldn't go down. Took her into bed, she's sitting up etc. DH got annoyed and said he would settle her but she screamed the place down for 10mins so I went in to help. DH got cross with me for not leaving him to it and went back to bed. Now I feel awful and don't know what the best appriach is!!! Aaarghhhh

[orchidee]

At 16 mo there's a lot going on. Sleep is often affected by developmental leaps, and separation anxiety often peaks around now, with learning to speak. So it could be internal, not external.

You may find this interesting.
www.parentingscience.com/baby-sleep-tips.html

[Shootingstar100]

Thanks very much, there's a lot of interesting information there! She's definitely more clingy, and starting to talk a lot at the moment. I can't help thinking that making her feel more secure is going to help, not trying to train her, but maybe I'm really soft?!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Even the strictest "sleep trainers" wouldn't advise sleep training while your dd has a temperature.

Have a google of askdrsears 31 ways to get your baby to sleep and askdrsears 12 alternatives. If you want a book try the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley or Sound Sleep by Sarah Woodhouse.

Until she's feeling better though, just go with the flow and try to get an early night yourself

[Shootingstar100]

Thanks for the replies! She's slept gradually better all week, from 10.30-7 last night. You're right we need a plan. If I'm going to stop feeding in the night does that mean I'll never be able to settle her?! DH needs to be prepared & have the stamina to perservere with re-settling! I'd like to continue to feed her before bed but am wondering if that's going to be possible.

[orchidee]

I second Dr Sears and Elizabeth Pantley. Aldo Kellymom and analytical armadillo for evidence-bases info.

This book confirma your instincts are right
www.amazon.co.uk/What-Every-Parent-Needs-Know/dp/1405320362?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

[orchidee]

Aldo? Also! Bloomin phone etc etc...

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

You can feed before bed and not during the night, but you are right, you will be taking away the thing that settles her and you need to think of other ways to deal with night weaklings if you want to night wean.

Have a read of isis and did you read 31 ways to get your baby to sleep or 12 alternatives for the all night nurser?

Glad the sleep is gradually improving too

[Shootingstar100]

Lots of good recommendations for reading, I'm really grateful and will take a look this weekend. She was settling for DH - he just had to say 'lie down' but he was finding it tiring getting up(!!!) - I must have more stamina. Obviously I wanted to help but if I go in we're back to square one! Holidays wrecked everything anyway!!

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

Babies are always the same, as soon as you think you've got something sussed, something else comes along to change it

[PoppyWearer]

Just to say that I stopped bf'ing my DC2 a month ago but a lot of what you described (including my DH's involvement and attitude) is the same. I hate hate hate it when DC2 cries.

No longer feeding to sleep, obviously (although part of me wishes I could!), so as a previous poster said, much of it could well be internal. My DC2 also a bit of a cold and some teeth coming through.

Unless you have a plan, agreed with your DH, just do whatever you need to do to get through it!! This too shall pass...