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Problems with 4yr old DD - wont sleep. Advice wanted

(5 Posts)
toosoppyforwords Mon 07-Jan-13 14:55:03

Tumble - i agree! My DH thinks like an adult so applies that to children. i simply dont think that at 4 she has an adult intellect. By that, i mean, he thinks she does it to annoy us deliberately and that i let her get away with it. I'm more of the approach that, yes, they can quickly catch on and be a little manipulative, but at 4 she is not doing it just to annoy us. There is a reason behind it, we just dont know what that is!

If it was just me i would let her come in with us, but DH is adamant that they stay in their own beds. I can understand this as i think it could lead to problems further down but i'm certainly not as averse to it.

I could definitely try the daily reward chart. We have tried the weekly one but to be honest i think we all forget a bit and DD gets bored!
Personally i think its a 'phase' and she will grow out of it

TBH my DH had a very strict upbringing in a single father household and has very high (Unrealistic in my view) expectations of the children-hence he applies adult logic to everything. I had a more relaxed (with boundaries) upbringing and think they are just being children!

tumbletumble Mon 07-Jan-13 14:25:55

Btw your husband's approach sounds awful, poor DD sad

tumbletumble Mon 07-Jan-13 13:18:40

My DS1 and DD sound just like yours! DS1 was a poor sleeper as a baby and didn't sleep through reliably till he was 3. He's now 7 and an excellent sleeper and very rarely wakes (even when he had chicken pox!). DD was much better as a baby, settled easily and slept through from a young age. But now she's 5 and often wakes in the night. We just let her get in with us, sorry if that is not helpful for you.

PS We also have DS2 age 3 who is the worst sleeper of all of them!

Jo2508 Mon 07-Jan-13 12:52:49

My dd, now 8, went through periods of doing a similar thing, and still sometimes finds it hard to get to sleep at night. Once she was able to read to herself, it made it easier and she now just reads until she's tired enough to sleep.

I think you maybe need to tackle the coming out of bed in the evening and waking up during the night separately - do you think a reward chart for each of these things might work with your dd? So e.g. at bedtime, discuss with her what her reward would be the next day if she doesn't come out of bed in the evening, and the same for not waking you up during the night. I found this kind of reward system worked better than over a whole week as it was more immediate.

toosoppyforwords Mon 07-Jan-13 11:51:06

Hi. I've not posted on here before but wondering if anyone has any thoughts/advice for me

I have 2 DC - a boy age 6 and a girl who is 4 and half. My son is a brilliant sleeper (since age 3!) who goes to bed when tired, falls asleep straight away and we rarely hear a peep out of him until 7. in the morning.

My daughter, as a baby used to be a great sleeper. Always slept in her own room from day 1, was sleeping through the night at 10 weeks etc. However, she is 4 and half now and we frequently have problems. First she takes ages to go to sleep - we put her in bed between 7.30 and 8 and she can get up lots of times (wee/drink/need teddy etc) and be chatting to herself before she falls asleep (say 9 pm) MOre recently she wakes in the night which i find really hard to deal with.
I dont think she is having nightmares or anything - i think she just wants cuddles and for me to sleep in her bed or her in mine (ours - i have a DH)

Last night she was up at 2 am...and did not go back to sleep at all! At 6 we got up, both exhausted. It was, i want to come in with you, i want a cuddle, sit with me - then when i wont, we get, i need the toilet/a drink/i'm scared etc etc. I try not to engage to much with her - i.e. i dont sit cuddling with her - i say, its bedtime, we can cuddle in the morning. But i do get up and go to her repeatedly - i just can;t leave her.

Deep down i know she wants me to give in and take her into our bed (we have never allowed this and i think it important to teach children that their beds are safe and a good place to be!)My DH finds it extemely hard to deal with and will go in guns blazinf, shouting at her, threatening to lock her in her room, take her outside etc (he wouldn't|!) I disagree with this because i dont think it right to genuinely frighten a 4 yr old child. My DH says i am pandering to her and i'm too soft (probably am but its hard listening to her crying in the night for mummy) So it leaves me and DH arguing over the correct approach - and more often me trying to deal with it so he doesn't go in shouting.

Does anyone have any ideas as to how to deal with this? Fortunately it is not every night but tends to go in phases (every night for a week then she is fine for a few, then it starts again etc) Both me and my DH work full time and its exhausting!

In all other respects she is a happy, confident, independent little girl who happily trots off to school and does not need mummy all the time. I dont have any concerns about behaviour, development, bullying or anything like that and i can't think of anything that has triggered this off.

Sorry its long - would be interested in people's views

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