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friendship problems with 7 year old girl

(10 Posts)
molly29 Wed 02-Jan-13 00:12:29

I am worried sick about my daughter going back to school, she was bullied last year, this year i thought it was going great, but she kept coming home saying she played by herself or the kids in the other class and she told me she has lost all her friends in her class!
I gave it a week as i didn't want to get involved too soon, then spoke to teacher, who said she had a word, but the last week of term was no better and now she is dreading going back after hols.
She is a dream child, eager to please, funny, very bright(obviously i would think all these things!
I rang the mother of one of the other girls(maybe this was wrong, but i know her) and she said that my daughter has been telling them off, tried to explain to my daughter that it is wonderful that she is a good girl, but that she doesn't need to point out what others are doing wrong, she tells me she hasn't and i really think she is telling the truth. Any advice on her to help her through this, i hate the thought of her being upset and alone.
She is too sensative sometimes, she has had confidence issues in the past which we worked through and took us years. Advice please.x

Journey Wed 02-Jan-13 19:18:34

I'd speak to the teacher and ask for specific examples. From this I would workout whether it is bullying due to the other dcs been horrible or whether it is down (or partly due) to your dc's personality which is making her unpopular.

The fact that your dc is playing on her own would upset me if I was her teacher. I'd hate a chilld in my class to be excluded even if they were a pain, and as such I think the teacher should be helping you far more.

Funny and bright can mean in reality irritating and a bossy know it all. Be honest with yourself about your DD's weakness. All of our dcs have some. No dc is perfect. If you realise there is something she could change about her personality then help her to do this.

I hope your dd's teacher is more supportive second time round.

Marne Wed 02-Jan-13 19:27:15

She sounds similar to my dd1 (8). I do agree with Journey though, bright children can often be irritating (i know my dd is) and bosy. My dd has Aspergers (not saying your dd does) which makes her extra irritating as she can talk very fast and get upset if people do things wrong/break rules. Dd1 does get upset about not having friends to play with but TBH a lot of the time it is her choice as she refuses to join in with what they are playing (as it doesn't interest her or she doesn't want to be told what to do), dd1 wont be looking forward to going back to school next week either but after a week she will settle back in, it does make me sad to see her upset but sadly it does not make any difference to what school she is at (this is her 2nd school) sad so we just have to get through each term with lots of encouragement.

molly29 Wed 02-Jan-13 22:18:56

She has friends in the other class, her teacher described her as the model student, serious, but she is liked, so i am getting conflicting stories,i know i'm her mum and its not easy to see your child as anything bad, but i'm inclined to think it is this one particular child, even her mother describes her as a gobby madam, but i can see my daughter pointing out when they are doing something wrong. She sticks to rules, she can't understand why you wouldn't. The more i think about it, the more i think that the problem is that she won't join in doing things that she thinks are wrong. I wish i could be a fly on the wall! She is a good girl, i've gotta have her back i think.Back her up and fight her corner. I thought about it all night,she isn't an angel but i know her, she is good and kind. Thanks for your replys.x

Marne Thu 03-Jan-13 10:10:10

Its hard isn't it, my dd1 is a good girl, top of the class and very popular in the classroom but when it comes to play time she struggles, she has friends but only a few that play with her outside (mainly boys), in class everyone wants to sit next to her and work with her because she's a good worker and very bright. It is upsetting when she comes home upset as someone has upset her (there are 2 children that seem to go out of their way to upset her), i go in and speak to the teacher and am told 'she is popular but choses not to join in at break time'. We moved her to a bigger school just over a year ago, this has helped a little as there are more children and more children similar to her but the same problems are still there.

I think i'm one of those anoying parents as i find myself going in and talking to the teacher quite often sad.

molly29 Thu 03-Jan-13 12:55:07

I completely understand Marne, i think the teacher hides when she sees me coming;) I just wish she could make one or two solid friends,how do we help them do that? it would do her confidence the world of good. She is very bright but ultimately even if she wasn't i just want her to be happy.x

Marne Thu 03-Jan-13 13:11:14

We have done a few play dates (only recently) and after school clubs which has helped a little, dd1 has one little boy who realy likes her (follows her around) which we have done playdates with but there are times where dd1 just avoids him even though he's nice to her sad. Sahe always struggles when she goes back after holidays/half term as she struggles to get back into the friendship ring. She doesn't realy mix with girls, all the girls like her and will talk to her but dd struggles with girly chit chat (boys are much easier).

I'm sure dd1 would swap her brightness for having friends any day sad

molly29 Thu 03-Jan-13 14:47:06

I'm just praying that its a faze and they'll come out the other side, more confident children hopefully. Maybe we'd be more worried if they were children that buckled under peer pressure though.x

Neverland2013 Wed 13-Feb-13 14:54:32

Since our DD's best friend left school early in the year and she found herself upset and no-one to play with, since then we have invited several children for playdates. That helped her a lot. It is actually nice to get to know the other children a little bit more although some of them are not angels! :-) but it is nice to get to know everyone.

bobster64 Wed 13-Feb-13 22:23:01

Hi, my daughter struggles with the best friend thing, is always telling me when anyone is naughty, like she is the child police and she can't understand why other children are naughty, she's nearly 8, I would love it if she could have the BFF thing that other little girls seem to get but I think it's a bit fairy tale now, and lets face it there are so so many kids who ARE naughty , I have tried to teach her to have as many friends as possible, so if she doesn't like what one of them does,she can walk away to someone else,or just play on her own if she has too, I find it really hard to hear her stories but try to be realistic, keep her grounded and find activities with kids from other schools in the evenings, she dances now and that has helped big time.

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