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1 year old with a temper. What would you do?(11 Posts)
My DS has just turned one and has always been a determined little lad. Just recently he is displaying quite a temper. For example, go to lay him down to change nappy, go to put him in his highchair/buggy or generally interfere with what he is doing he goes rigid, growls and yells. He does not stop until he is suitably distracted. My initial reaction is to tell him no (perhaps this is where he gets it from!) but am not sure if that's the right reaction. Should I tell him no? Should I ignore him? Should I distract him? Obviously a first time parent so hoping others with experience can help me discourage this reaction of his. Many thanks!
He sounds perfectly normal to me
He sounds perfectly normal to me and I don't know if I deal with this the right way, but with my 2 I just ignore! DD is 19 mo, she has temper tantrums on a regular basis. My thinking is that if I make a fuss she's getting attention but for a negative action, so I ignore and then praise when she calms down. She will kick off at nappy changes, I do these on the mat on the floor. Whilst shes kicking I just sit but don't make eye contact. She calms very quickly and it's over, we get on with nappy change, sing whatever, I'm sure you get the picture! HTH
Absolutely normal, he's just exploring his independence.
At this age I'd use distraction mainly and ignoring when it gets too much for you or for serious things like biting.
He's not got a temper, he just doesn't understand his emotions yet. How you deal with it is important. Praise any and all good behaviour. Try whenever possible to avoid the word "no" - you'll use it enough unwittingly!
Hang on in there.
It's normal, I think. I did a lot of distracting. It won't be too long until you can start negotiating (if I change you nappy then we can read a book etc), I think my dd got this from about 14 months.
I found it helpful to try and let my dd have some control when I was able to so she wasn't so frustrated (like choosing which top to wear out of a couple of suitable ones).
If dd got as far as hitting or biting I would say "no hitting/biting" in a firm voice (and we did signing so I'd use the no sign too), if she continued I'd put her on the floor and move away and ignore.
Oh right, ok. I expected it at about 2 years but not this soon. My father had a bad temper so I guess I'm a bit sensitive to it and perhaps was too quick to jump to that conclusion.
Thanks for your thoughts.
Eye contact - showing a sad concerned face stops my son in his tracks and saying his name in that "surprised he is misbehaving kind of tone" works for me. Toddlers want to please and if they think they are making you unhappy they generally dont want this. Distractiuon as well. Its a fine balance. I agree with other poster about overuse of NO but if i just try and use it sparingly when it is something REALLY bad (like biting me). Also (depending how far the paddy has gone) - using a montone voice or sympathetic voice and letting him cry it out a bit. Sometimes , just like evryone else, i think kids just want to vent they feel sad/frustrated/whatever and i think if we supress this it can lead to emotional problems.
We tend not to use 'no' as we only get it back at us. We say stop, walk off, make getting into pushchairs/highchairs a fun game, ignore, use distraction, naughty step etc. Agree that you will soon be able to negotiate (we are just putting your nappy first on and then we can go on the swing after that) and explain (into your buggy quickly, we are going to have lots of fun at toddler group and don't want to be late). Never give in what ever you do but always be fair. Stay calm, in charge and level headed. Shouting and smacking is unnecessary, so if you feel your buttons are being pressed put him in his cot or leave the room to get some space. Your son wont be like your dad if you stay calm and he has good boundaries.
Also counting when he is a older - 'time to get in the buggy 1,2,3 ... OK, on the naughty step'
Lots of praise when he is doing things right.
There is a great book called 'What every parent should know'. It explains what is physiologically happening as their brains develop, and how adults can support that development when the child is experiencing extreme feelings (anger, frustration, excitement etc). I would recommend it to all parents (especially of toddlers), but in a nutshell, it describes ways of you helping your DC to understand the waves of emotion (good or bad) that are flooding his brain. Talk to him, tell him you understand he is happy/angry/sad/frustrated. Tell him why he must do it anyway, or what he could do instead , or what he could do next to make it less awful. Basically explain what's going on and how him you understand him, so that a) he feels that you're in control and he's safe, and b) you give him the words he needs to describe his emotions to himself and others.
There is loads of good explanations and tips on how to handle behaviour in the book. In my opinion, it should be compulsory antenatal reading
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