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my 13mths old is making life so difficult and I'm totally drained. I need serious help..

(43 Posts)
lovelymummy47 Thu 27-Dec-12 23:47:28

She is soo adorable but the last few months she has totally changed. From 4-8mnths she'd feed very well and go to sleep through the night. But last few mnths she won't eat and becave very concerned so I started to force her to eat, I'd feel very guilty after coz she'd cry her little eyes out so I stopped. Left her to get hungry and try feed her if she wanted(she never seems hungry even after 5hrs of not eating apart from drinking). I feel so terrible when I sit down to eat and thinking my little girl is hungry sad.
Second, she just won't sleep! I put het to bed at 8PM, wakes at 11PM screaming till 1am. Before 6am she'll have woken up 4times!! So, rough night and I end up tucked in bed till 10am with her. That means I'm too tired and exhausTed even to go out for play groups and lib and park. We end up having a crappy day where nothing get done(even house chores)! I'm super stressed out and my DH won't help. When I tell him I'm struggling and need help he says "but that's your job, I work and pay everything so, F*****g manage everything in the house and the baby" sad . We end up arguing loads every day.
Thanks for reading this far..if you can help me with some advice pleaasseee do. I want to enjoy motherhood but its all too much to take in. How do I live a normal life again with my baby?

AnotherTeacherMum Tue 01-Jan-13 13:36:13


My dd went through a similar phase at about this age each time she was getting a new tooth- she would always go back to normal after.

Although it's probably best to get it checked out the HV always used to say that if she was producing wet and dirty nappies not to be to worried.

Its worrying at the time tho esp with your first.

GreatCongas Sat 29-Dec-12 22:41:12

My experience (a lot of breastfeeding, just finished feeding dc4 at 3 1/2) is that they do tend to feed a lot more when teething and it doesn't do them any harm. They get there eventually, they don't have bad
lifetime habits and they grow out of things soon enough.
Whenever I read threads like this I want to go over, give the op a hug and look after their baby while they have a nap

changeforthebetterforObama Sat 29-Dec-12 22:32:19

Hi the biting and BF combination sounds familiar. DD was a similar age when her first molar came through. Second the recommendation of "My Child Won't Eat". At least with BF, you know she is getting something nutritious. Eating solids can be really painful for some babies when molars are coming through. It might be worth getting her ears checked for any infection. Every sympathy - I remember DD1 went through an awful sleep stage around then, having previously been a great little sleeper brew

zapotek Sat 29-Dec-12 22:19:09

By the way don't worry about the household chores for the time being.

This is probably a phase (teething developmental etc). Use calpol/calgel for teeth pain if you want to/need to. See if it helps anyway.

My DD used to wake up to 8 times a night to breastfeed. She sleeps 12 hours a night now (it did take about 4 years though but went to twice at 18 months then to once a night at about 2.5yrs).

You are doing great- it's bloody hard

zapotek Sat 29-Dec-12 22:15:06

This is meant to be an excellent book on this topic.

And remember up until one food is for fun. Your DC is only 13months old. It's early days- don't expect her to eat 3 square meals a day.

Maybe offer her a few different things, fruit cut up, fingers of toast, breadsticks and houmous, cubes of cheese. Let her play, dip, make mess, have a bit of fun wiyth food. Maybe something will go in and you'll see whsat she likes.

Also some babies don't like being spoonfed. Mine never did until she could use it herself. I used to put food on her tray (risotto, avocado, pasta, jacket potato and beans mashed with a fork) asnd let her feed herself wityh her hands. It is messy but my DD used to shovel loads in.

Don't worry too much about the breastfeeding. Go with it but try to feed after meals not before so she is offered food when she is more likelky to be hungry.

Do go to babyclinic and have her weight checked and speak to HV to put your mind at rest

Your DH sounds emotionally abusive. What is it with these lazy bastards I've been reading about all day

ODearMe Sat 29-Dec-12 22:04:23

The problem isn't the baby, it is your 'D' H.

hostelgirl74 Sat 29-Dec-12 22:00:35

My 13 month old boy wakes up several times a night as well. it makes all the difference having a supportive partner and it doesnt sound like you have. Perhaps you could visit a group and meet other mums and get support that way. I feel i have got lots of support this way. It is a hard slog but if you get chatting to people you will realise that although someone may not be going through the exact same thing as you, other mothers will be going through other issues that make their lives equally as hellish.

TheSecondComing Fri 28-Dec-12 11:54:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

smornintime Fri 28-Dec-12 07:51:17

Hope you have had a better night OP, and that you get a quick appt with your health visitor.
Really do try to get outside today if you can, take a nap if you get the chance as well.

mathanxiety Fri 28-Dec-12 04:02:49

If you have the time or the energy, contact Al Anon. You need support and it seems that your DH has abandoned you for alcohol. Don;t try arguing with him or appealing to him for help. Find help for yourself outside of your home.

RandomMess Fri 28-Dec-12 03:58:23

Lots of great advice about the feeding with regard to sleeping she is getting a decent nights sleep because you are both sleeping in late. Could you bear to force yourselves to get up earlier and out and then both go for an afternoon nap?

I second the pain relief btw, one of mine was awful with her teeth they bothered her so much each and everyone.

Tolly81 Fri 28-Dec-12 03:38:43

Agree with all others. Sounds really hard. Just give her stuff to eat herself as it may be partly that she's ready for more independence and doesn't want to be fed anymore. Agree getting out the house is a sanity saver esp. when they're sleeping badly. There's also something to be said for tiring them out. Check out the teeth - calpol or ibuprofen (which lasts a bit longer) at night might really help if it is teething. If she was a better sleeper before more likely to be teething or something that will pass.
HV might help - would be good to get her weighed anyway to reassure you that she is growing normally. Also would it be worth talking to someone about what a s* dh is being? Some of the things he says sound like emotional abuse really. Could you phone relate for advice?

marimama Fri 28-Dec-12 01:32:35

It's hard when a toddler doesn't seem to be eating well, especially if other things are stressing you and neither if you is sleeping well.

I agree that the best approach for food is just to offer it at regular intervals in the day, but put no pressure on child to eat it. I read a book called "sweet child of mine" that said parents decide what and when of food, but child decides if and how much. No kid will go hungry if food is being offered!smile finger foods will give her more sense of control. To get more veg into my son's diet at that age i made sort of thick purees of veg and grains or meats. I made them into little patties, cooked in pan broke them up a bit and then he could pick them up to eat. Was a bit of work,but i'd just take sone of whatever i was cooking for mysrlf (like some chicken and carrots) whiz up in blender and freeze the little balls of it so i'd have on hand. And the other thing you could try is just relying on her fave foods once a day to take off pressure.

Bottom line, if she is growing and having good diapers then you are doing a great job

Stay strong re husband. hug

DontYouJingleMyChristingle Fri 28-Dec-12 01:16:07

She sounds like she is teething to me.

With my first she was in a lot of pain with teething, sometimes all she ate was yoghurt and then had breastmilk. In desperation I gave her Calpol half an hour before her meal one day and she managed to eat more. If she is waking a lot in the night and seems in pain you could try giving pain relief at 11pm when she wakes as teeth push through more at night. Just try not to give paracetamol for prolonged periods, ibuprofen is fine, but given after a feed better as can be harsh on the stomach.

My 10 month old refuses to let me feed her so she has finger foods or whatever we eat minus salt, cut up so she can pick it up, plus I sometimes give her mushed food on a spoon, lay it on her tray and let her practise getting it in her mouth.

She is also waking a lot, sometimes 6 times a night as she is teething and ill at the moment, so I can really sympathise.

Try to give foods high in fat seeing as she is not eating much. Avocado, full fat cream cheese, hard cheese, coconut oil added to foods, butter, egg yolks. Foods like yam and sweet potato are good boiled as finger food too. My youngest likes eggy bread cut up (bread dipped in beaten egg and fried) and also pancakes cut into pieces.

ekat Fri 28-Dec-12 01:09:32

Blooming phone! I meant to say that you will look back and remember this stage with fondness. They grow up so fast. Make sure that you are eating well yourself. Breast feeding is really tough on your body (that is my excuse for constantly snacking!)

ekat Fri 28-Dec-12 01:06:00

You will get through it and l

lovelymummy47 Fri 28-Dec-12 01:04:32

Thanks all! Wow! What do I say ekat and theSecond.. You both much have been so brave to BF your little angels till they are/were 2! With the loads of biting I'm getting..mmm..I'm having second thoughts regardless of how much I enjoy the experience of BF.

WiSh I could do s'thing to get my DH to help abit more. Talking leads to unpleasant arguments and its very unhealthy for us all. I just can't do it anymore. I'm gona relax and take one step at atime like you've all adviced me to and see a HV. Thank you all! Lifted my mood up abit.

lovelymummy47 Fri 28-Dec-12 00:56:27

Thanks Bonnie I'll book an app with a HV fist thing tomorrow. Would love to stop the night feeds but again I guiltily breastfeed her "coz she dint eat much during the day". Thanks for the flowers.

Wheresmypopcorn Fri 28-Dec-12 00:55:06

let her be your guide, mine didn't want to eat as he got her teeth late and her eating wa such a problem. one day I just decided to stop stressing about it as it wasn't doing us any good. I feel for you as it's ,touh. Mine is 19 months and eats very limited range of food but I have noticed her getting more experimental now that the teeth are coming more and more. your husband really needs to step up to the plate.

TheSecondComing Fri 28-Dec-12 00:53:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ekat Fri 28-Dec-12 00:53:29

It really sounds like she is getting all she needs from you smile. Great for her but tough on you. My youngest (DS2) average "output" is exactly that (2/3 soiled nappies + plenty of wet ones in between) and he is a good eater most days. I intend to breastfeed him till around 24m. My DS1 breastfed until 24m. My DD breastfed till 18m (decided to stop herself, I was pregnant with DS2 and she was not impressed).

bonnieslilsister Fri 28-Dec-12 00:53:09

From your last post it seems you think because she doesn't eat she needs to take plenty of breast milk but I think maybe she is too full to eat because of the milk

lovelymummy47 Fri 28-Dec-12 00:53:03

Thanks why , I guess I need to figure out what she likes to eat. She loves spaghetti and mozzarella but she needs a balnced diet so I try to give her lots other nutrients.
My DH has alway been like that, I don't have close family here, they're all abroad. Only got a toxic MIL and SIL. When I speak to mil to try intervien so dh can help she sides with him and bullshits about "back in the day men never used to help and we were ok with that!" so, essentially saying that I should be grateful if DH ever takes DD out for a walk in the park! No wonder her son/DH is like that, raised by a brain washed-back-in-the-day woman. (sorry DH)

bonnieslilsister Fri 28-Dec-12 00:50:00

Maybe if you are trying to get her to sleep during the night you are feeding her a lot and she is not hungry for solids in the day?

It is rotten being with someone who couldn't care less about you sad I hope things sort out soon. I second the chat with your HV.

thanks to cheer you up

lovelymummy47 Fri 28-Dec-12 00:44:06

Thanks theSecond I will try to give more finger foods, she loved steamed carrots and parsnips so will up more of it. Iam quite isolated and the exhaustion from the night puts me off going for outdoors activitIes.

eat I am BF on demand, and since she doeant eat well, she depends on the B.milk quite a lot. Meaning half the day I'm seated Breatfeefing a 13months old! Its like I'm back to when she was 2mnths old..plenty of breastfeeding grin ! But havind aid that, she is getting fequent wet nappies and at leat 2dirty ones a day. When did you stop BF your little one? Sorry slow typind, can't figure out to stop my keyboard messing aboUt ever word I type!

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