my 13mths old is making life so difficult and I'm totally drained. I need serious help..(43 Posts)
She is soo adorable but the last few months she has totally changed. From 4-8mnths she'd feed very well and go to sleep through the night. But last few mnths she won't eat and becave very concerned so I started to force her to eat, I'd feel very guilty after coz she'd cry her little eyes out so I stopped. Left her to get hungry and try feed her if she wanted(she never seems hungry even after 5hrs of not eating apart from drinking). I feel so terrible when I sit down to eat and thinking my little girl is hungry .
Second, she just won't sleep! I put het to bed at 8PM, wakes at 11PM screaming till 1am. Before 6am she'll have woken up 4times!! So, rough night and I end up tucked in bed till 10am with her. That means I'm too tired and exhausTed even to go out for play groups and lib and park. We end up having a crappy day where nothing get done(even house chores)! I'm super stressed out and my DH won't help. When I tell him I'm struggling and need help he says "but that's your job, I work and pay everything so, F*****g manage everything in the house and the baby" . We end up arguing loads every day.
Thanks for reading this far..if you can help me with some advice pleaasseee do. I want to enjoy motherhood but its all too much to take in. How do I live a normal life again with my baby?
Oh, poor you. Sounds like you are having a hard time.
What do you mean she won't eat? What are you giving her and how much does she eat?
How long has the non sleeping thing being going on? Does she sleep in a cot or with you?
Do you get out at all? Doesn't have to be to a playgroup or anything structured, but even getting out for a walk for an hour will help
You've hit a tough stage, and you sound very isolated. I'm not sure what you mean by "forcing" your child to eat, but well done for coming here to seek support with it.
Basic needs first. Is there anything that is guaranteed to get eaten? Can you rely on that for a day or two to ensure a full tummy & increase the odds of a good night's sleep?
Your DH is wrong to dodge responsibility like that. Parenting is 24/7 - however hard he works, however many bills he pays, once home he should contribute to raising HIS child.
Don't worry about her rating. If she is going without she is probably not hungry. Glad you stopped forcing her. Just relax and keep offering food.
Has she never slept? If it is recent she may well be teething molars and in pain just now so it will pass.
Re your DH, sorry but he sounds dreadful, if he does nothing to help you may be best leaving. Your child could be picking up on the tension.
Have you taken her to the doctor? This doesn't sound usual to me
I wouldn't force the eating thing unless she really has nothing of her own accord - remember that all children will have periods of eating loads but also of hardly seeming to have anything.
I second MmeLindor's suggestion of a walk - the fresh air would do you both good and you would at least have made it out of the house without having to make a big effort to get somewhere specific on time etc.
Sounds like you need more support from DH as well tbh...failing that, give yourself one job to do at a time even if it's only a little one - make it something achievable and don't worry about non-essential chores.
Does DD nap during the day?
I don't normally rush in to say LTB by the way but he needs an entire attitude adjustment at the very least.
thanks for the quick replies, when I say forcing her I mean insisting by holding her hands(she hits food of the spoon so I have to hold her to stop that from happening). I do that, she manages to eat at least 7-8 spoonfuls but she'd be crying so much so I ceased doing that. Then I did the "I'll wait till she's hungry to eat" but she never is. Meaning she eats little In a day which breaks my heart so much. She still is breastfeeding and biting a lot but I don't want to stop her coz she doeant. Eat very well (guilt breastfeeding)
I am very isolated,on anti-d's and hardly go out due to exhaustion around the house with my little girl. DH is so stubborn and goes out almost everynight, comes home too drunk to help and in the morning when I have a go at him that's when thhe "swearing and all starts". right now he is out and DD is still up . I feel so low right now.
I think you should make an appointment with your health visitor, they will be able to give you loads of advice with eating and sleeping. In the meantime keep a diary of how much she eats, drinks, sleeps on a day and show this to the health visitor, Sometimes they get more than you think.
Some babies take a bit longer to fully wen than others..she will get there
*wean ..sorry...it's late, typing is shot
Some kids take ages to sleep, too... Both mine took 2+ years to sleep through.
None of these struggles are because you're doing anything wrong. You're working really hard with precious little help. It is so, so hard, and I didn't enjoy this bit of parenthood at all FWIW, but you are still being a Mum day after day, even in these impossible circumstances. Be proud of that.
Your husband is an idiot.
Just wondering if you are breastfeeding on demand? My youngest is 12m. I am breastfeeding him on demand. There are days when he eats breakfast, lunch and dinner and demands milk occasionally. Other days, he is almost permanently attached to the breast and wants little other food. As long as your DD has frequent wet/soiled nappies, she is probably getting enought overall.
Thanks Already , your message has pUt a smile on my face.. None of these struggles are because you're doing anything wrong. You're working really hard with precious little help. It is so, so hard, and I didn't enjoy this bit of parenthood at all FWIW, but you are still being a Mum day after day, even in these impossible circumstances. Be proud of that.
You sound like you are doing everything you can.
You need to be getting more support from your husband. He sounds horrible. Has he always been like this?
Do you have any family / friends to support you?
What foods are you giving your DD? Have you tried Baby Led Weaning approach? - I.e: giving bit sized pieces of food that she can feed herself with? My DD loves tortellini - filled pasta - it's frustrating when she won't eat all the healthy home cooked stuff - but if she is being fussy at least I know I'm getting some food into her.
Breast feeding is excellent - at least you know she is getting plenty of nourishment. Maybe mix up her solids a bit and discover what she will eat and let her have that. Maybe when she gets more relaxed at mealtimes her appetite and taste for different foods will develop.
It's so tough when they don't sleep. But you should be sleeping when she does during the day the household chores are unimportant compared to your wellbeing.
Thanks theSecond I will try to give more finger foods, she loved steamed carrots and parsnips so will up more of it. Iam quite isolated and the exhaustion from the night puts me off going for outdoors activitIes.
eat I am BF on demand, and since she doeant eat well, she depends on the B.milk quite a lot. Meaning half the day I'm seated Breatfeefing a 13months old! Its like I'm back to when she was 2mnths old..plenty of breastfeeding ! But havind aid that, she is getting fequent wet nappies and at leat 2dirty ones a day. When did you stop BF your little one? Sorry slow typind, can't figure out to stop my keyboard messing aboUt ever word I type!
Maybe if you are trying to get her to sleep during the night you are feeding her a lot and she is not hungry for solids in the day?
It is rotten being with someone who couldn't care less about you I hope things sort out soon. I second the chat with your HV.
to cheer you up
Thanks why , I guess I need to figure out what she likes to eat. She loves spaghetti and mozzarella but she needs a balnced diet so I try to give her lots other nutrients.
My DH has alway been like that, I don't have close family here, they're all abroad. Only got a toxic MIL and SIL. When I speak to mil to try intervien so dh can help she sides with him and bullshits about "back in the day men never used to help and we were ok with that!" so, essentially saying that I should be grateful if DH ever takes DD out for a walk in the park! No wonder her son/DH is like that, raised by a brain washed-back-in-the-day woman. (sorry DH)
From your last post it seems you think because she doesn't eat she needs to take plenty of breast milk but I think maybe she is too full to eat because of the milk
It really sounds like she is getting all she needs from you . Great for her but tough on you. My youngest (DS2) average "output" is exactly that (2/3 soiled nappies + plenty of wet ones in between) and he is a good eater most days. I intend to breastfeed him till around 24m. My DS1 breastfed until 24m. My DD breastfed till 18m (decided to stop herself, I was pregnant with DS2 and she was not impressed).
let her be your guide, mine didn't want to eat as he got her teeth late and her eating wa such a problem. one day I just decided to stop stressing about it as it wasn't doing us any good. I feel for you as it's ,touh. Mine is 19 months and eats very limited range of food but I have noticed her getting more experimental now that the teeth are coming more and more. your husband really needs to step up to the plate.
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