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Becoming a SAHM

(6 Posts)
lulabelle Tue 18-Dec-12 21:14:56

Forgive me if I have posted in the wrong area, I wasn't sure where best to ask...

I'm a Mum of 3 and I work pretty much full-time. My older 2 were always looked after by family members and went to Nursery just a few terms before starting school but always attended toddler groups, etc. My youngest has been at nursery from an early age. The last few weeks they've all had bugs, colds, etc and generally under the weather, they are all shattered as kids are this time of year with plays, pantos, parties, etc. I've put this down to the little one being less himself. However, this afternoon I attended his nursery for a christmas event. When I arrived I could see him and he looked so unhappy, I ended up leaving early with him but it has broken my heart seeing how sad he looked. I've spent the evening feeling horrendous at the amount of time he has spent there and he clearly isn't happy.

I don't work through greed, we don't have expensive holidays, cars, etc I work because I have to, we are trying to save for a house, we could make some cutbacks and DH has the potential to earn more (has his own business) but already works very long hours.

We have had a chat tonight and I think I'm debating giving up my job or seriously reducing my hours (not the best option as its really hard to find the balance of what I get paid and what I'm paying nursery and becomes unviable). But I'm scared about giving up the income purely because DH does not have a reliable income, people not paying on time (at all in a few cases) and I feel worried about not having some kind of control over paying bills, etc. I should say this isn't a rash decision, this is something I have thought about a lot over the past year. I really want to be here for them and not have to rely on family members having to help us as we do now.

I'm asking if anyone else has done this, it feels like a massive massive thing to give up my job but my heart is screaming at me that this is mummy time I will never get back sad

bigbadbarry Tue 18-Dec-12 21:17:19

Is he sad because he hates nursery, or is he tired, wound up before Christmas, and a bit under the weather? I wouldn't rush into anything.

lulabelle Tue 18-Dec-12 21:24:56

He hasn't really settled into his new group room. The last few weeks have been hard and getting harder. He is under the weather, we all are so maybe thats not helping me either. He's just such a happy bubbly baby and when he is at home he is all singing and dancing and just lovely. I can't bear the thought of him being unhappy, I've never seen him look like he did today, he was just standing there in a line looking down at his shoes. I just wanted to scoop him up sad

CoolaYuleA Wed 19-Dec-12 03:29:24

Have you thought about using a childminder as an alternate option rather than just nursery or SAHM?

That way he would be in a home environment, with a lot more direct attention from one caregiver, and you'd still be able to work full time.

Some children are more suited to care in a home environment with one on one time and do better with childminders than at nursery. It may be an option where he is happy and you can work.

ThisIsMummyPig Wed 19-Dec-12 03:37:09

I work part-time, and that has been really good for me, as we have been able to mostly use family. My great concern about giving up work completely is that it might be really difficult to find a new job when the kids were older. At least by working part-time I've kept my foot in the door.

He might not have looked so sad because he hates nursery, he might have just been overawed by all the people there - my DD2 would hate that, but she loves nursery.

Could you ask the staff how he is, or ask if you can go and spy on him one day?

HeathRobinson Wed 19-Dec-12 05:06:03

Could you reduce your hours a little and dh reduce his hours a little, so that ds gets an extra day or two at home?

Eg, could dh work one of the weekend days instead of a weekday, so he and ds can have a day together?

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