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Anyone with two children torn between stopping or having a third?

(69 Posts)
Em32 Wed 12-Apr-06 13:47:25

I'm 34 in May, have ds 2 and dd 7 months(19 months apart). I always thought I'd have three children (am one of three myself) but am now having doubts after just seeing the light at the end of the 'we're going to get divorced' tunnel stage of having a really small baby around (or is that just me.....). I'm also still knackered as dd is only just sleeping through, most of the time, and physically have found I've not really bounced back this time, not surprisingly. I'm really not sure about having another baby in a couple of years as I'll be 36 but don't want to regret the decision further down the road. dh says he'd rather have a marriage and two children than a divorce and three. Anyone been there done that and what did you decide? Are you still happy with the decision?

MamaG Wed 12-Apr-06 13:49:45

I also went through that tunnel Em! I have 2 and sometimes think it'd be nice to have a third, but have decided not to for the following reasons:-

1. I think one child would always be left out due to already having a DS and DD.

2. I think my DD would feel left out as she is 6 and DS is 2 and would therefore be closer in age.

3. I didn't do enough pelvic floor exercises and dread to think what pushing a third big baby out would do for my sex life!

4. I can't be arsed

Nemo1977 Wed 12-Apr-06 13:51:13

I dont know what to do. I have a DS 2 and a DD 3mths. I would love another one but sometimes think about adding on the time being out of work and getting 'my' life back on track. I am 28 but feel a lot older and DH is unsure if he wants another. He has said wait 2 yrs to decide but I just feel like I need to have 3 children. I am one of 3 too where Dh was an only child so maybe that makes a difference. I always saw myself with a big family and 2 kids doesnt feel big to me.

Em32 Wed 12-Apr-06 13:52:04

at no 4, DEFINITELY feel that way at the moment....... (and ditto re no3)

mcmudda Wed 12-Apr-06 13:52:04

V tempted - but 3 car seats don't fit in my car and we can't afford a new one. Otherwise we'd be fully stocked with all the other baby junk we have!

Em32 Wed 12-Apr-06 13:55:17

Nemo I understand the 2 kids not feeling like a big family thing. I feel just the same but maybe there are plus points (more attention for each child, financially more can go towards each one, plus my husband goes away a lot and two is more manageable but that's all just me trying to persuade myself.....)

Nemo1977 Wed 12-Apr-06 13:59:03

em very similair in my husband goes away for a few nights every couple of weeks plus he works long hours so all childcare is down to me...but I just dont feel like I have finished. I dont want to spend my life thinking what if especially as I have had 3mcs in the past. However also agree on the attention and financial thing as DH has said if we have more there will not be any big holidays etc but then I think they will be happy with going

fireflyfairy2 Wed 12-Apr-06 14:00:53

I have a dd who is 4 and a ds who is 1. We said we didn't want another child after No.2. DH had an appointment to go see the doctor about a vasectomy, he called me that day to say he was having second thoughts and that a vasectomy was just so final... So I am unsure too!

Bink Wed 12-Apr-06 14:05:37

I think it's a near-universal issue, for just about anyone who's got two. You know you can do childREN, not just one, and you've seen how the genetic inheritance has got shoogled up to produce someone fascinatingly different from no.1 ... I really do think pretty much everybody who stops at two always always wonders what might have been. I know I do (I have two, 18 months apart).

I stopped because of practicalities (including that 3-car-seats-won't-fit thing) and because I didn't want no.3 to come along after a bigger gap than b/w no.1 & no.2 but at the same time couldn't face being pregnant again so quickly. So I kind of left it and now I'm 44. But I do a lot of imagining of no.3, he/she is almost a spectrey presence sometimes.

What would be interesting is whether people who've stopped at 3 feel this about no.4 ... and so on.

LIZS Wed 12-Apr-06 14:09:24

Occasionally think of having another but as ds and dd get older it feels less pressing somehow, particularly now we are beyond the pushchair and playgroup stage. Neither of them are that keen on the idea either.

SnowBoo Wed 12-Apr-06 14:10:49

I would love one more but due to medical/psychological reasons i can't.

Think how you'd feel if you had another and your marriage suffered. My friend is 37 now and she thought she wanted another but now decides hols with her two boys and dh is more fun!

PiccadillyCircus Wed 12-Apr-06 14:12:29

I have DS 28 months and DD 6 months. I am veering towards stopping at 2 childremn. I think DH would like at least 3. Not sure what we'll do (although I'm only 30 so can leave decision for a while)

motherinferior Wed 12-Apr-06 14:14:42

I'm with Bink, although there is a longer gap between my two.

ladyoracle Wed 12-Apr-06 14:20:07

We went for it. I was really unsure, but DP knew he wanted more than 2, so here I am, 34 weeks pg, dd1 is 3.3 dd2 1.7, and we are skint due to recent people carrier purchase,( I swore I would never be seen dead with one) In some ways I am nervous about coping with 3, but most of the time I honestly just think we'll deal with it,plough through the sleep deprivation and arguments, and come out with a happy family.

Fingers crossed.

SomethingAboutMary Wed 12-Apr-06 14:31:51

I am in the same boat, we have 2 children now & i always said i would only have 2 BUT for some reason i just do not feel my family is complete, dp is not so keen though!

It's not the being sleep deprived & i don't worry about me & dp spliting because we are rock solid & have been through some very very bad times & always come out the other side, it's more the we would like to be able to afford to go on nice holidays & our house is to small & so is the car but then i also think why should things like this stop you?

Oh i don't know the only good thing is we have time on our side as i am only 24 & dp is 27 but our children are 3.6 & 3 months if we do have another it will be in about 2 years as i dont want any bigger gap & would like to get back to work at some point in life before i get my pension

poppadum Wed 12-Apr-06 14:54:18

I am must be one of the few people who have two and am absolutely sure I don't want any more, despite being only 34. I don't wonder what might have been either,and most of my friends seem to be hapy with two. The people I know with three do seem very knackered, though I am sure they feel it's worth it.

if your dh is not keen on another, I would think very carefully about it, Em.

expatinscotland Wed 12-Apr-06 14:55:42

no you are not alone, poppadum. i'm 35 and also very content w/two.

bundle Wed 12-Apr-06 14:56:03

I would dearly love to have a third child but simply cannot afford it

<<btw,you are no age )

FioFio Wed 12-Apr-06 14:57:12

Message deleted

RosiePosie Wed 12-Apr-06 15:09:24

I have a five year old, a two year old and a five week old. I am at the "oh my god, what HAVE we done?" stage. The baby is adorable, but dealing with the three of them is a flipping nightmare. Strangely, I'm wavering on the dh having a vasectomy idea, thinking in the back of my mind "ooh, a fourth in a few years time might be nice", so it can't be THAT bad. The other three would all have to be in school first though!

granarybeck Wed 12-Apr-06 15:45:17

Funny, i had this conversation with dh last night. I had my two when i was quite young, and feel in some ways i was too young to appreciate them. That's not a dig at younger mums at all, just me personally, i was at uni at the time and just 'coped' (had two very close together), i feel i missed out on enjoying being pregnant (as i always felt i shouldn't be!)and enjoying them being babies and toddlers.

I've since always felt i'd love to have a third but that i've left it too late as there would be quite a big gap (my ds is now 9 and dd 8) and we are completely out of the puschair etc stages but i am only 28 and friends who are in their thirties or my age are just starting to get pregnant. So i think i feel like i'd love to be doing it now at the right time in my life, but that i've had my chance!

Gillian76 Wed 12-Apr-06 15:51:15


"the "oh my god, what HAVE we done?" stage"

I felt exactly like that after DS (no.3) was born. It does pass!

RosiePosie Wed 12-Apr-06 16:09:58

oh good, that's reassuring! When??

Jasnem Wed 12-Apr-06 16:35:00

My dds are 6&5, and I could never quite imagine not having another baby (although I didn't admit it out loud)
I had lots of good reasons not to have any more - money car size, and small house featuring quite prominently.
But dp said yes ( we work on the theory that we couldn't afford the first two either on paper, but always managed, and love is free)
Ds is 6 weeks old (just getting the "Oh my God what have we done?" thing after 2 weeks with kids off school)
I love having time at home with him as dds are 15 months apart and always felt I was missing 1 to 1 time with them.

Don't have any desire for a fourth, despite constantly being told that four is easier than 3!

fruitful Wed 12-Apr-06 16:46:31

DD is 4 next month and ds is 14 months. I always read these "2 or 3" threads and I've got to the point where all the pros and cons are irrelevant. I look at my 2 and think "its not enough".

[with huge apologies for that thought to anyone who desperately wants one/another child and can't]

I figure we will deal with whatever problems arise. Money, sibling relations, my cs scars, exhaustion etc.

Dh wants 3 but is worried that I won't cope, on the basis that "you don't cope very well with 2". I tell him that shouting at the kids occasionally is not "not coping". Leaving them strapped in their carseats and going to bed is "not coping" and I haven't done that (although I do dream about it).

I think I might want 4 actually. We'll see...

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