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Playdate etiquette?

(8 Posts)
Anothercuppatea Mon 03-Dec-12 14:09:25

I have found mumsnet to be very helpful with things I don't feel I can ask in real life. Perhaps someone can help with this.

I think the answer may be 'it depends' on situation, on toy, on child etc

But as a general rule I wondered if anyone can help.

My 3 yo ds1 is generally very good. I think he plays well with other children and is great at sharing his toys when we have a friend round.

However, there will be occasions when he has a particular fav toy. Or a game he's set up when the other child wants the toy. In this situation I know that he will react badly- get upset- if forced to share. So I don't push it. I feel if he's forced to share something unfairly it's likely to make him more possessive and less good at sharing. If the other child gets upset I will try and ask him to share/ take turns. But if try can't play nicely I will put toy away rather than force him to let other child play with it. Normally I find the other child doesn't mind as there are plenty toys to distract them.

However I have been at other peoples houses when similar situation arises with us as guest. And the other mum will insist my son gets the toy and their child must learn to share. I feel awkward cos I think it's unfair on other child but other mum insists.

Just wondered if I should be doing this too regardless of how much it hurts my sons feelings? What do people think? If we are at someone elses house my ds is usually quite good if I say "it's ok let other boy play with that, we'll find something else' it's just when it's his own toys I don't think it fair to force them to share everything regardless?

But I dint want to get this wrong and be the mum/son combo who nobody wants their kids to play with.

Sorry for ramble. Tia

LaCiccolina Mon 03-Dec-12 14:15:22

It depends covers it!

Actually I do it a bit like u. I will put toys away that I know in advance would upset dd to share. I don't see why some things can't b off limits. I don't expect to share everything of mine (but for quiet life often do) too. Sometimes I put a time limit on it. Ok it's urs til five past then it's shared! Or some such.

No hards and fasts I find. It's more moment to moment. I won't religiously force sharing though where mine always loses out first as that's not sharing that's being ridden over by another. Quite different.

Anothercuppatea Mon 03-Dec-12 14:23:09

Thanks. I think 'guest comes first and get first choice of toy' is maybe a bit more relevant as they get older?

Pitmountainpony Wed 05-Dec-12 02:11:56

Saying take turns is preferable to sharing. You can puts 5 min timer on to make it fair. Good to learn to share but let your son finish his turn before he has to hand over maybe.

lolalotta Wed 05-Dec-12 06:12:35

I put a particular toy away before our guests arrive if I know it is going to cause upset!

greenrabbits Thu 06-Dec-12 12:54:55

I don't think it's helpful to see this in terms of hurting his feelings. It's not hurting his feelings, he's just not getting what he wants.

I would insist he share, personally, but that's just me.

Pancakeflipper Thu 06-Dec-12 13:07:34

I am another who also puts a certain toy away before the guests appear.

trudolphtherednosedreindeer Thu 06-Dec-12 13:33:35

Agree. Ask him if there's a toy he doesn't want to share and put it away before the playdate.

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