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I hit my ds

(15 Posts)
rubberglove Tue 20-Nov-12 16:47:18

My kids are in a constant whining, bickering phase. They also do this thing where they just scream at each other at the top of their voices.

Today I lost it. It comes off the back of a long run of difficult behaviour from my three year old on the school run and feeling inferior to the other seemingly calm, lovely mums with well behaved kids. I am tired and a bit down about other things.

Well this morning I called my ds 'a spoilt brat'. I did apologise but when he started screaming at his sister getting into the car this afternoon, I hit him round the head sad. I suppose not hard, more a cuff, but still. He is six. I also hissed in dd face and threatened to smack them harder. If anyone saw, well Jesus, I was acting like a crazy woman.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Northumberlandlass Tue 20-Nov-12 16:55:49

Crikey Rubberglove I'm really not sure what to say sad that won't sound trite.

It sounds like you need to gain some control or at least some coping strategies. Do you have access to any parenting classes? Would you be open to that?
Maybe even visit GP?

Sorry, not much help - didn't want your post to go unanswered

lisad123 Tue 20-Nov-12 17:00:27

Step back, breath and look at your triggers and what point you Lost control.
This cannot happen again, you need to know your breaking point and know when you have reached it.

I don't think what you have done is that awful, his fine, they will have forgotten by tomorrow but this is something to get control of ASAP.

greencolorpack Tue 20-Nov-12 17:04:59

I have found we shouted a lot at Ds so our way of coping was to do the naughty step and also to get him to write an essay on what he did wrong and why he is sorry and won't do it again. its a Long boring and peaceful punishment and by the time it is written we can discuss it calmly. I always ask myself when we lose it with the kids, why did this happen and how do we avoid it happening again?

Agree with lisad. You can't change what you've done, but you can make sure it doesn't happen again. Work out where you lost it and why, then think of how you'll react next time to avoid lashing out. And don't compare yourself having a shitty day with other mothers having a not shitty day. That way madness lies.

McLurkin Tue 20-Nov-12 17:15:40

The 'other things' you are down about - can you do anything about them? Looking after small whining kids is bloody hard - sorting out other stresses might help you to find an extra reserve of patience/energy.

Do you have other mums to talk to? I wish I had more as find it so much easier to cope when I've chatted and realised everyone struggles and been able to offload and share a laugh about terrible behaviour etc.?

Also can you make anything easier for yourself, especially when you are feeling particularly stressed? Having freezer food ready for a day you can't face cooking tea or letting kids watch more tv than you would normally or whatever.

Couple of books I like if you find reading helpful - Buddhism for Mothers has a great section on dealing with anger and Playful Parenting good for ideas for dealing with situations in a lighthearted way instead of getting worked up.

I've lost my rag too, said mean things to kids, felt on the brink of hitting. It is horrible and you feel awful but i t was just this once, nothing terrible happened. Don't beat yourself up. Look after yourself and just try to work out your strategies for avoiding boiling over again.

rubberglove Tue 20-Nov-12 17:25:17

I never smack or hit. This is a real shock to me. I do shout, but not excessively.

I am down about day to day things that affect everyone really. Not depressed, I am generally content and look forward to things. I think this time of year, when it is so dark and not much to look forward to, is hard. I also miss a mum of my own, just someone to turn to.

Will chat to kids at tea and apologise. Tomorrow is another day, deep breath.

McLurkin Tue 20-Nov-12 17:51:56

It is indeed. What are you going to do once kids are in bed? Have had a bit of a crap mum day here too and mentally planning my tea/tv/cakes/long bath...

Sorry your mum is not around. It's tough when everyone needs a bit of you and you just need a hug yourself. Anyone you can call for a good chat?

rubberglove Tue 20-Nov-12 17:59:10

I have friends, but none I feel I can talk like this to. They all seem so much more together than me. People don't seem to open up in real life.

My dh is wonderful, supportive but he works long hours. I am a sahm.

McLurkin Tue 20-Nov-12 22:41:29

My dp does long hours too - rarely sees kids for longer than 10mins on a week day. It can be pretty lonely.

would have liked to reply longer but need to get to bed... just wanted to share this blog i came across on twitter just now, which has some articles which might resonate with you too: http://creativewithkids.com/

hope you have a better day tomorrow!

bbface Wed 21-Nov-12 05:34:36

Your children will NOT be affected by this. Pls read this again... your children will NOT be affected by this. You sound like a loving mother, who is having an off time.

I came from an incredibly loving, secure family. However, my mother was prone to blasting off on occasion, shouting and smacking. Wasn't nice, but mum was a bit volatile, and that was sometimes reflected in her parenting. The key was that she would apologise afterwards, she knew it was wrong. All the other time though she enveloped us with such love, affection, consistency, support (I could go on, and on), that her 'hissy fits' never impacted on us. Would I preferred the hissy fits didn't happen? Yes. Now, as a mother, do I sort of understand that she was probably at the end of her tether on occasion, Yes, Yes, Yes!

p.s. my mother also passed away. My goodness, I miss her support now so I know where you are coming from xx

rubberglove Wed 21-Nov-12 09:42:51

Thanks bbface, your words mean a lot x

shoesontheglasslamp Wed 21-Nov-12 21:28:57

Please try to call a friend.
They may seem together, but they will have had down days and bad days too.
Sharing how you're feeling in RL too will help you find perspective and the support you need.

Good luck.x

scampbeast Wed 21-Nov-12 22:00:25

Every mum I know has done this at some point, both the hitting and the guilt that comes after it. You are not alone. I am lucky enough that we have a little "Bad mothers Group" where we all admit to each other our failings as a parent and feel just that little bit better knowing that none of us are perfect ( not that we tell anyone who is not in our little "club") The whole thing started as a bit of a joke at toddler group one week when I admited that my son wouldn't eat veg and I couldn't hide it in potato or pasta dishes due to his allergies.After that we all just seemed to relax and over time admit more to each other. Try to open up about a little thing to your friends and you may find that soon enough you will all admit to the bigger things and that none of you are perfect.

rubberglove Wed 21-Nov-12 22:06:56

You see, I think that is my problem, putting too much pressure on myself to be perfect. It stems from my childhood and I have had counselling in the past.

McLurkin, had a look at that website, thanks. It did help.

Had a better day today but so tired at the moment. Need the xmas holiday already!

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