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Fed up with everything being a battle with 11 month old DS :(

(14 Posts)
Twattergy Wed 21-Nov-12 14:27:14

Definitely try putting the morning nap back if he's faffing about for 20 mins he's not tired enough. Try 10/.30 our just waiting to see when he lookgs tired. Ds changed to later nap at about 11 months and now at 13 months is heading toward just yet one middle of day snooze.

notwoo Wed 21-Nov-12 13:05:39

Maybe he's ready to drop his morning nap?

Try him with an early lunch and nap from 12.

Nappy changing is a nightmare here too but he's just about able to support himself so that I can do it with him standing up which is easier

LaCiccolina Mon 19-Nov-12 15:08:36

Nurseries and childminders often do lunch about 11-1130 for sleeps at 12 approx. this is for babies and toddlers. Unsure if u knew? Worth a try therefore. Dd changed dramatically for me when I tried this pattern at 9 mths.....

QTPie Mon 19-Nov-12 15:00:23

Loops, sorry, really didn't mean to make you cry sad

Being a Mum IS very hard (having just put a slightly under the weather, very over excited, rather over tired 2 year 9 month old to bed for his nap myself...). It gets easier in some ways, but harder in others. you ride the ups and survive the downs. But you always come through and you realise that it makes you stronger and more confident. I am honestly a lot better person than I was 2 years 10 months ago/ you grow in so many ways and find strengths that you neve know you had.

I think that it is about finding he right balance: between doing what you know is best (ie routine etc) and listening to your baby/toddler (and adapting things to keep them happy most of the time). Obviously you can't follow everything they want or you would nev change their nappy, they would never go to bed and they would live off of chocolate, crisps and ice cream.

Do get some rest and a break and plenty of sleep - you sound very hard working.

Don't worry too much about food - sometimes they just aren't hungry (especially if teething).

You aren't a mean mummy - everybody has days/weeks when they have had Anouilh: it is only human wink. You will be fine and you will become an even better mummy and person smile

SuperDuperTrooper Mon 19-Nov-12 13:56:37

Yes, you're right - I know I need to relax a bit re clockwork routine as he's only human. I'm going to attempt "go with the flow" tomorrow! Only put him for his nap when he is clearly tired rather than because he yawned once....Wish me luck!

I actually gave him lunch earlier today and that really helped. Am definitely going to keep that up...! Thanks everyone!

HandbagCrab Mon 19-Nov-12 11:32:54

I think even if you have a clockwork routine, illness and teething can throw everything out of the window.

I think at 11 months they can let you know if they are hungry/ tired etc so I don't worry about it myself. Ds is very vocal when hungry so I think he knows when he wants to eat and how much. If you're really worried is there a healthy food you know he'll eat? Ds likes plum fromage frais so if I worry he's not eaten enough he has one of those as he'll definitely eat the whole pot. Also I read on here 'food is for fun, until they are one' so I repeat that to myself when I worry. Though I've only got a few more days before I can't say that anymore smile

Good luck smile

CheungFun Mon 19-Nov-12 10:50:36

Hi SuperDuperTrooper, I fel the same with my almost 11 month old!

I have worked a routine around what DS seems to need as below (hope it might help)

7am 1 bottle of formula milk and cereal with cows milk for breakfast
9am nap (usually 1 hour)
10am snack e.g. banana, homemade cake or savoury muffin
12pm lunch (usually serve a hot meal at lunch as he eats more at lunchtime than tea time and I cook extra for my dinner and save a portion for DS the next day)
2pm snack e.g. rice cakes or dried fruit
3pm nap (usually 1 hour)
5pm tea time (usually sandwiches or toast or scrambled eggs and a yoghurt)
If it's bath night I do this after tea and get DS changed into a vest and babygrow.
7pm bed time.

I have recently introduced the snacks and they have really helped, he's more or less constantly topped up with food so he's not getting grumpy because he's hungry.

Nappy changing is my main source of frustration as DS screams and wriggles and writhes and it's just awful! I try to give him something to hold so he is occupied and stays on his back - nappy wipes are good!

With nap times I followed advice from the Jo Frost website and when he goes down in his cot I tell him to have a little rest and I'll check him in a few minutes followed by telling him I love him. If he cries, I wait 2 minutes, then go in and shush him, then if he still cries go back in every 4 minutes to shush him.

Sometimes sleeptimes are so unbelievably easy and other times it feels like a battle of wills! If he does cry I do feel bad, but it is for his own good that he has a sleep! I find the more tired he is the harder it is to get him to have a nap, so my general rule of thumb is that's soon as I catch him yawning he's going straight to bed!

SuperDuperTrooper Mon 19-Nov-12 10:45:15

Thanks ladies!

Handbagcrab - I've never been brilliant at going with the flow. My DS has usually been pretty clockwork, which suited me fine, and going against that feels wrong. However, it may very well be what is needed so will give it some thought.

I am definitely going to start lunch earlier! That's the most stressful part of the day for me as I have to get him to the childminder. I work with kids too so having my stress levels hit the roof before I even start work isn't ideal!

Tigresswoods - I did wonder if my DS just simply wasn't hungry although, if I find the right distraction/entertainment technique, he will normally scoff the lot. This makes me uneasy with just stopping when he gets fidgety as I don't get the impression he is full. Still, sometimes I just have to stop as we have run out of time and then warn the childminder that he may need a snack.

Tigresswoods Mon 19-Nov-12 10:35:01

If its at all helpful I found that at about 1 DS started eating less. Now 2.8 & he has hungry days and days where he appears to simply photosynthesis, think 1 grape for dinner, that sort of thing.

Go with the flow & hopefully he'll settle down.

HandbagCrab Mon 19-Nov-12 10:33:23

You could start lunch earlier too, it's an hour here for finger food so I'd budget that time if I needed ds to eat and then be somewhere. Or send him with some food to your cm?

HandbagCrab Mon 19-Nov-12 10:31:33

My ds is 11 months too. I'm trying a method that is let him do what he wants! If he won't nap or eat or drink I don't force him I just let him get on with it. He's big and strong and doesn't seem overtired.

When we put him to bed and he won't sleep we just sit quietly with him until he does. We read or watch tv quietly on an iPad. Unless he's upset I leave him to it and eventually he goes to sleep. I find giving him his milk in his cot helps with this. I think ds is getting some evil teeth too so his sleep and eating routines he's kind of fallen into are getting disrupted. We did milk at 3am smile

SuperDuperTrooper Mon 19-Nov-12 10:21:16

Thanks for your suggestions QTPie but your post actually made me cry. I honestly don't feel like I have it in me to bear all this stress. This has surprised me more than anyone as I have always been a patient, if slightly anxious, person. Motherhood is not doing good things to me at the moment.

I do love my little boy and he is a delight when he's not feeding or needing to sleep. Trouble is most of the day is spent around these activities! My DS' childminder always refers to him as a determined boy and often comments on how he seems to have already started the terrible 2's. I've definitely got my hands full here and know I'm not coping well with all the stress. I will try and think of some coping strategies....

QTPie Mon 19-Nov-12 10:06:59

Probably teething - often there are symptoms loooong before physical signs of the teeth coming through.

Honestly, as the parent of a generally very good 2 year 9 month old, the best advice that I can give is "learn to manage your own stress and patience" (quality you time, enough sleep etc too). And i bet that i have seen nothing yet! Parenting is a real marathon and your DS hasn't got started yet (teething tends to get a lot worse - as canines and molars come through - and behaviour a lot more "trying" as they learn to walk, talk and test boundaries a LOT more).

Bad phases come and go, the important thing is finding mechanisms to keep yourself sane along the way...

SuperDuperTrooper Mon 19-Nov-12 09:52:41

For a couple of weeks now I have had to battle with my DS at every bottle, meal and nap. I've had enough and don't feel like I have the patience or will left to carry on.

With his bottles he takes a few ounces then just wriggles and writhes in your arms. Sometimes he will calm down enough to take some more. I try singing, giving him something to play with, being calm and quiet etc.

With his meals he takes a few spoonfuls/mouthfuls then whinges and grumbles the rest of the way through the meal. He also has become soooo slow which is a real stress at lunchtimes when I haven't much time to get him to the childminders. (I work in the afternoons). I try talking, singing, playing peekaboo, dancing around like a lunatic, being calm and still, giving him a spoon to play with etc

He has his 1st nap with me at about 9.30am. When I put him in his cot he crawls and climbs and sits. I keep putting him back without saying anything and he just keeps going. Eventually he calms down and then just tosses, turns and wriggles a lot. I will sing, shush, talk quietly, be silent, touch him not touch him etc. Mostly he will drop off after a 20 minute fight - after he has sent my blood pressure through the roof. Other times he winds himself up so much that he gets in a state and cries and screams.

I thought it was the start of another wave of teething but there are no teethy signs. I hoped it was a short phase but it just seems to be getting worse. It's getting to the point where I look forward to leaving him at the childminder to go to work and dread the start of a new day. This makes me feel like a horrible uncaring mummy. Guilt, guilt, guilt...... sad

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