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Baby staying away two nights a week

(82 Posts)
blushingmare Sat 10-Nov-12 21:21:16

Id really appreciate people's opinions on this as I'm in two minds.

DD is currently 5mo and my PFB. I'm going back to work two days a week when she will be ten and a half months. My parents have offered to look after her for those two days - amazing as I won't have to pay childcare and I know she will have the undivided attention of people who love her as much as I do and share my values and priorities for bringing her up.

BUT - my parents live an hour and a half away. They have proposed that they have her to stay with them, so I would take her down on a Sunday evening and they would bring her back on a Tuesday. I'm really not sure about this. I don't know if I could bear to be away from her for two nights every week and I don't know how she will cope with it either. It will be enough of a wrench being parted during the day, let alone at night and she's bound to find it very confusing at that age surely? Also practically speaking I don't know how it would work with feeding. She is EBF and I know she'll be on solids by then, but she will still need milk and I really would rather not give her formula at that stage and want to keep on BF on my non working days. It wouldn't surprise me at all if she still wasn't sleeping through the night by then and I hate the thought of her waking up upset and me not being there for her.

As she's my first I don't know how I'll feel by then and how different she will be then - at the moment she is so dependent on me it's hard to imagine it being different. So I'd appreciate others' thoughts on it, particularly if you've been in a similar position.

StaceymReadyForNumber3 Sat 10-Nov-12 21:23:25

Tbh I couldn't, not with either of my dcs. So I don't think you're being pfb.

rainbowinthesky Sat 10-Nov-12 21:25:47

I think you need to find other child care

jellybeans Sat 10-Nov-12 21:27:42

I would not do that unless it was the only option. Too young, too far etc. I feel a child needs one home at that age.

IwishIwasmoreorganised Sat 10-Nov-12 21:27:53

Would it be possible for them to come and stay at your house to look aft her?

I couldn't have coped with doing that at her age, and I would worry about your continued bf aswell

CMOTDibbler Sat 10-Nov-12 21:29:20

No, you need to find some other form of childcare

jellybeans Sat 10-Nov-12 21:29:51

That is a good idea, them staying at yours.

MarianForrester Sat 10-Nov-12 21:31:18

I would not have liked this.

But the other thing is that at 5 months it might be ok with your dd, but soon it is likely to become more difficult for her. I don't think it's a good long term solution, tbh, although a great offer from your folks.

Arithmeticulous Sat 10-Nov-12 21:31:23

No no no. Not ebf at 10 months. That's prime separation anxiety time and yes you might be up half the night feeding but you will have cuddles and that time.

Why do you think your parents are dictating this? Do you think they think you shouldn't be working? It just all seems rather conditional rather than convenient.

BraaaaaainsButterfield Sat 10-Nov-12 21:33:35

No, don't do that unless you have absolutely no other option. My first few weeks back at work were very hard and it was only seeing DS's face light up when I picked him up from nursery that made them worthwhile. Going home without him would have left me with a very heavy heart indeed.

SirBoobAlot Sat 10-Nov-12 21:34:14

I wouldn't. Its not practical, not really, and 10 months is a high point for separation anxiety.

They either need to come to you, or you need to find childcare.

naturalbaby Sat 10-Nov-12 21:34:46

I would get a childminder.

JiltedJohnsJulie Sat 10-Nov-12 21:35:21

Don't think you are being pub at all, I couldn't have done this with either of my Dcs, plus you need to talk through your plans with a BFC so that you don't get mastitis. For me, what got me through the work day was looking forward to a huge feed and cuddle when they were picked up.

I'd either ask them to stop at yours or find a cm or nursery that is supportive if bfing.

cheesesarnie Sat 10-Nov-12 21:36:12

I couldn't have done this with my 3.

Figgygal Sat 10-Nov-12 21:37:11

Even before u said you were ebfing I was thinking bad idea but knowing you ebfing absolutely no way.....u must look at alternatives

housesalehelp Sat 10-Nov-12 21:38:16

I wouldn't do this - the odd night would be fine -but 48 hours every week I wouldn't be able to cope with - also the petrol costs would be fairly high I think so you might not save that much - have a good look at other options-and do it now as places do get very busy depending on your area childminders can be very affordable - and very good - and also look into childcare vouchers

NervousAt20 Sat 10-Nov-12 21:39:05

Sorry but there's no way I could do that, what if your parents couldn't cope one night and your so far away? Or if your DD got ill? Also I couldn't have my baby away from me for so long

PotteringAlong Sat 10-Nov-12 21:39:57

No. Just no.

(for me, anyway)

Chubfuddler Sat 10-Nov-12 21:42:36

Get a childminder or part time nanny. Your parents suggestion will not work

NellyBluth Sat 10-Nov-12 21:42:59

This doesn't sound great. Can your parents stay at yours?

My DD has been staying odd nights or two with my parents since she was 5mo but it was occasional. I'm quite happy being apart from her then, as I know she's having fun and being cared for, but doing it every week would be a killer. It could also muck up the bf, which would be such a shame.

Has your DD stayed alone with your parents before? While yes, 10m is the high point for separation anxiety I think if a baby is very comfortable with their GPs then this can be slightly less of an issue (as in they see GPs as an alternative care giver and are happy with them) but it is still 2 nights out of 7 and that is a lot for you as well, not just baby.

PixieHot Sat 10-Nov-12 21:43:18

No way! I couldn't do this. Going back to work after my maternity leave ended was so bloody difficult, there's no way that I could have done it if I wasn't going to see DS later the same day.

milkymocha Sat 10-Nov-12 21:43:32

No I certainly couldn't have done this, is this the only option?

k2togm1 Sat 10-Nov-12 21:44:34

No way, apart from all that's been said I wanted to add personal experience, albeit a bit later: my mum went back to uni when I was 18mo and I stayed with my dgp 5 days a week, they say that I was in years every Sunday night when she was going away, and lived waiting for the Friday eve when she'd come back. I am now very close to my dgp, and have had a terrible relationship with my dm all my life. I am in no doubt it's because of that. Don't do it to yourself!

Limelight Sat 10-Nov-12 21:45:24

No way. I think your instincts are right.

Pyrrah Sat 10-Nov-12 21:45:38

No way could I have done that. I would look for another option.

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