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Please help me get my 10month DD to sleep better.

(10 Posts)
TickledOnion Sat 10-Nov-12 11:19:15

DD2 is nearly 10 months. She is ff (and on 3 meals a day) in the day but still bf at night. She doesn't nap well and still wakes 2 or 3 times at night.

Typically we try to put her down for a nap at around 9.30/10 and 2.30/3 and she struggles to have 30 mins sleep each time. She usually whinges and shouts a lot before finally going to sleep, but I try not to go in unless it is a proper cry. Sometimes it's obvious that she's not going to sleep so I get her and try again later.

I bf her to sleep at 7ish and she goes to sleep with no problems. She wakes at around 10.30, 2.30 and 6.30 so I bf her each time as it's the quickest way to get her back to sleep and I don't want her to wake DD1.

I want to stop the night wakings and get her to nap better but I don't know where to start.

Please can someone help?

JiltedJohnsJulie Sat 10-Nov-12 12:54:39

Firstly, only waking for 2 feeds in the night is really good at 10 months. Research shows that half of all babies still wake at 12 months no matter how they are parented.

As for the naps, I can see why that would be an issue. Have a look at askdrsears refuses nap. Sorry I can't do links at the moment as I'm on my Dads Mac and can't figure it out <searches for thicko emoticon grin>

It might also be worth looking at the book the No Cry Nap Solution.

Crimebusterofthesea Sun 11-Nov-12 17:15:29

I have also recently had sleep issues with my 10 month old DS. I am such a worrier and constantly doubt myself and feel that it is my fault that DS sometimes refuses naps and still wakes at night.

A week ago I put a stop to the feeding to sleep at bedtime to see if it made a difference. I tweaked the routine and now feed DS before I put him in his grobag. I then cuddle him and put him in his cot and if he cries, I pick him up and then put him back down again. If he stands up, I leave the room and count to 20 and then go back in, pick him up and pop him back down again. He gets the message very quickly and so far has been asleep within 10 minutes every time. We have seen a massive improvement and for the last two nights he has slept from 7.30 - 6.30am with only a brief waking for a feed at 10pm.

I would also say, don't underestimate the impact of teething. I am guilty of not realising that DS has probably been in pain sometimes when he has woken at night and not given him calpol when I should have done. Is your DD teething?

The next thing (can you tell I've read ALOT about this recently?) is that there is so much going on developmentally between 8-12 months that they can often regress and wake more at night. I was going to go cold turkey on night feeds, then read that it will probably be met with less resistance after 12 months, so I have made peace with myself and tell myself that feeding for comfort during the night is just as much a 'proper' reason to feed as hunger is. I have been told many a time that I should just do CC and that DS doesn't 'need' feeding over night, but CC isn't for me and if he wants a feed, then he can have one. We all get far more sleep that way.

This has turned out to be a bit of an essay when it wasn't meant to be! I just know how you feel and where you are at and I have got myself really down about it as every other baby in the world seems to sleep 12 hours straight and only mine still wakes at night. I actually think people lie loads about this sort of thing and if people were just a bit more honest, there wouldn't be this pressure that we all feel and the feeling that we have somehow failed if our LO's don't sleep very well.

waterrat Sun 11-Nov-12 17:57:15

read the No Cry Sleep Solution - it's very good. but - I cannot recommend more highly encouraging them to fall asleep on their own, however gently you arrive at that - yes, night feeds are normal - but you can cut down you really can..I have just had incredible and very quick success tackling sleeplessness from my 6 month old, after getting him to settle in his cot.

two things - no feeding to sleep (see NCSS for gentle ways to stop him falling asleep on the breast and settling on his own....or insert bed time story between breast feed and bed, same story every night - gradually get a bigger gap between feed and sleep.)

I then switched to settling in cot rather than picking up when I didn't want to feed. So if you want to drop one feed - calm in cot, stroke shh etc. -= there was much less crying than I thought - and he slept a six hour stretch the first night we did it. I still feed at night - more than once, and I know people will come on here and say night feeds are normal but presumably he is eating well and can take the milk he wants in the day - if you comfort at night and get rid of his reliance on so much milk at night, he may well sleep better quickly.

it is okay to want sleep and okay to want to drop a feed at this age - I say give it a try - he may well sleep through from the 1030 to around 5......

snoozed Sun 11-Nov-12 19:27:19

Hello, i could've written your post! In fact I wrote something similar about a month ago...

Got lots of helpful advice, and something which worked well has been getting DP to settle DD when she wakes, if it's only been 2-3 hrs since she last fed. He can usually settle her and I'll feed her next time she wakes as I think 9mo is still quite young to go through the night without a feed (or two!).

She has started waking less for feeds since we've been doing that. If that is an option for you it could be worth a go? You could try settling her yourself but my dd won't have any of it and tries to feed through my top.

I feel for you, sleep deprivation is torture.

Not sure what to suggest about 'technique' is to bf her to sleep and get Into bed with her for a nap myself. Obviously not an option if you have a toddler too.

Second recommendation above to read the NCSS too.

waterrat Mon 12-Nov-12 09:05:54

just had third night in a row of 6month old ds sleeping 11-5am. so - I promise you can change their sleep - ds was way, way worse than yours - he was waking every hour/ a good stretch was 2 hours....

Bedtime with a book after BF - and the other tip from the health visitor who helped me was that at half 10 they are ending one sleep cycle, so get them properly awake, play with them (I know, hard when tired...but could your partner do this?) and then feed and resettle them - but don't let them fall asleep feeding, even if they are dozing as they go into cot.

She said this restarts their clock - it has worked with ds I have to say.....then they will do 5/6 hours naturally....fingers crossed for you. I also agree with poster who says get your partner to settle if you dont want to feed at that point.

TickledOnion Mon 12-Nov-12 13:47:03

Thanks for all the replies. She falls asleep so easily and quickly on the boob. How do I wake her up without waking her up so much she won't settle?

Saltytomato Tue 13-Nov-12 16:02:55

I know I might get slated for this, but I tried the progressive waiting approach by ferber and honestly it works miracles.

I read his book cover to cover and my 6 month old is now sleeping from 7pm-5am, having a feed and then sleeping until 7.30am.

He was previously waking every couple of hours and feeding back to sleep.
I still feed him to sleep at night (which Ferber says is fine) but just stopped feeding during he night as he is in 3 meals and getting plenty of milk during the day. I figured I would feed him after 7 hours, but he started waking at 5am on the second night and stopped waking before that!

He only cried for 25 minutes on the first night and I went in and comforted him etc, but didn't feed, 5 mins on the second night and now he doesn't even wake up and grizzle and it's been 5 nights! Heis also going down for naps n falling asleep with no crying within 15 mins and napping for much longer too. You just have to stick to a schedule too.

I feel like I have got come sanity back and my little boy is so much happier because he isn't desperately overtired.

TickledOnion Wed 14-Nov-12 16:27:15

Saltytomato - so when you say he cried for 25 minutes, did you go in during this time? How often? And what did you do when you went in to comfort him? I would be willing to try this if I knew it would only be 1 night of crying as DD1 could sleep at GP's for the night.

waterrat Wed 14-Nov-12 18:46:30

Tickled, that is similar to what I did - I'm on the fourth night now and the impact is amazing. I didn't leave DS, well, I wandered in and out but first night one of us was with him, held his hand when he woke stroked him, he woke twice shortly after bed time, cried for 15 minutes each time then fell asleep. Then slept for 7 hours from dream feed.

The next night he didn't wake at all except for dream feed and then at 5am.

that is down from about 10 - 15 wakings a night a week ago! and that had been going on for 3 months. that is how amazing the transformation was.

settle in cot (I did pick up ocassionally, but it works better if you stroke in cot, they toss about and fall asleep) and if you want a method of stopping feed to sleep then read no cry sleep solution.

he also falls asleep now at naps/ night time in minutes..once they know how to self settle, everything is easier .. a little bit of crying sometimes at nap time - but under 5 minutes....

I bet your dd would drop a feed in a night easily at that age. If not one night, two.

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