Beyond sleepless nights??

[bunnyflops]

Hi there,

My DS is 2 years old but is still not sleeping through the nights. Some nights hes brilliant and will sleep 7.30 pm - 7.30 am, but 2 out of 3 nights hes up two, even three times during the night.

Hes been in a routine since 9 months, bed at 7.30 every night after tea then bath with a nap after his lunch, which usually lasts around an hour.

He wakes up and wants milk, which is still given to him in a bottle. I've tried leaving him, but he cries for at least 20 minutes before I don't hear anything. We've tried having him in bed with us, but he still wakes.

My OH works as a carpenter so has to get a full nights sleep, therefore I'm up and down all night, and have been for 2 years.

I need help!!

All suggestions will be of great help!! I just want him to sleep!

[NameGotLostInCyberspace]

Have you tried any sort of controlled crying? you might not be keen but if it is something you would be willing to do then it is worth looking into.
My own way was to never lift from the cot. (unless ill, dirty etc). Go in resettle go out then return every 5 or so minutes. ITS VERY HARD but I was desperate. Maybe think about reducing the milk or exchanging for water?

[QTPie]

Sounds like habit...

Replace milk with water - you may get some resistance - then see if be continues to wake up when no milk is available? I would also make it clear that his pre-bed milk is the LAST milk until morning... (he shoukd understand). How well does he eat/drink during the day?

[QTPie]

(Somehow I doubt that there is an easy/popular answer...)

[ZuleikaD]

I would definitely try and phase out the milk - it may be that he's waking up hungry out of habit. Get rid of that and see how you go.

[AThingInYourLife]

Yes, no more milk at night.

It's bad for his teeth apart from anything else.

[bunnyflops]

Thankyou all for your replies!!

NGLICS, I have tried controlled crying. But I'm not 100% I'm doing right?

I have tried the not lifting out of cot, only to be met with an abundance of screams. However it's my own fault for giving in so will give this another go too.

QTPie my DS doesn't have milk before bed, maybe adding this in may encourage him to sleep and he would possibly understand last one until morning.

Great idea about milk to water, shall try this too.

Thanks a lot guys

[bunnyflops]

TJPJ I've found if he doesn't nap he is worse at night and is up even earlier. I did hope by two he'd have grown out of it

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

Definetly give a little cup of milk before bed (brush teeth after) and tbh I would do the water thing too.

If he wakes, offer only water in a cup and leave him to it.

After a week, if he is still waking, leave him be. He may take 20mins to go back over, but if left to it, this will reduce.

We have took this stance with dd who has gone from waking numerous times and demanding milk to sleeping right through.

[BlingBubbles]

We are in a similar position, my dd slept through from 8 weeks and then once she hit 1 decided that 3am was a good time to wake up. I was then back at work so thought I would make my life easy and put in her in bed with us, she slept wonderfully but I was having the worst sleep. We finally decided on some tough love and did controlled crying (out own version) first night she cried for 3 hours, needless to say DH and I were exhausted, next night she cried 20mins and we are now most nights getting through to 430am! Which I can live with as as see up at 6 anyway. I am more tired now then when she was little .

Good luck

[ZuleikaD]

KEEP THE NAP! Hang on to naps as long as possible. IME it doesn't make any difference to night-time sleep it just makes the days hellishly long.

[bunnyflops]

GPND trying that tonight. Did your daughter spill it everywhere when you left her with a cup?

BB sounds exactly like me, they seem to take up 3/4 of the bed and me and my OH sharea quarter! I think my DS is harder in the nights now than he ever was as a newborn!

ZuleikaD totally agree! I couldn't function without that hour break when I can tidy without everything being untidyed, wash clothes without everything being unloaded and have a cuppa that isn't stone cold

[waterrat]

Hello OP I am no expert but have a non sleeping baby and have read a lot of sleep books recently! I think you really have to get tough here - it's for all your benefits. I would say stop that milk - it's rewarding the waking and he doesn't need it. Just draw a line under it - no more.

YOu could try this book....
www.amazon.co.uk/No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Toddlers-Preschoolers/dp/0071444912?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

I just spoke to a sleep expert - friend of friend - she follows the method from the Millpond Sleep Clinic - and says the absolute key is never picking up from the cot. She said in two nights, if you don't pick up but reassure from nearby they will be sleeping through in 2 nights. BUT - she is talking about a 6 month old , I don't know if it's different for older children.

He wants you to come and pick him up and give him milk - if you don't , he will learn quickly. You aren't being cruel - it's okay to need to sleep!

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

OP i gave her water in a bottle as she is only 11m. She would wimper for ten-fifteen mins if left but get hysterical if we went in and tried to settle her so we swapped to letting her cry it out pretty quick.

[QTPie]

You could always try a "hard spouted beaker" for the water - we have tommee Tippee ones and still use them (2 years and 9 months) for things that we don't want spilt (use cups at meal times and in the kitchen).

[Misty9]

No expert here either but recently when ds wakes, as he isn't asking for a feed any longer I am trying the not picking up thing. Can't just talk to him - he screams louder - but lying him back down, rubbing his back and singing lullabies usually eventually works :)
Used to just bring him into bed with us if it was later than 2pm but he now thinks that is carte blanche to play...

Good luck - and definitely try swapping the milk for water unless you think he needs it.

[Misty9]

Oh, ds is 14 months btw :)

[NameGotLostInCyberspace]

How did last night go Bunny?

[QTPie]

DS always used to take coming into bed with us as carte Blanche to play... So we put a spare mattress, duvet and pillow next to his cot. During his heavy teething period (13 to 19 months), he suffered lots if sleep disruption. So we took it in turns to go in, hold his hand and sleep next to his cot. Sometimes we even got to sneak back to bed, but whatever we were comfortable, warm and could get some sleep. He also remained consistently comfortable with sleeping in his cot and room. When he stopped teething, he straight away started sleeping through again. We still keep the mattress in his room: on the very rare occasion he has a disturbed night, it is no real hardship to go in and sleep next to him...