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bereavement issues with teenage girls

(3 Posts)
Hughsie59 Thu 08-Nov-12 11:49:59

My wife (49) died of cancer last month. We had known about it since last year and always kept our teenage girls (14 and 16) fully informed. I am not coping very well at the moment, but my girls seem to be doing much better.

Does anyone have any advice on what I should do to make sure they are OK? We talk and share regularly, and I believe that my girls feel well supported.

Thank you

rrreow Thu 08-Nov-12 12:03:23

I'm really sorry for your loss. That must be unbearably tough. I'm glad that you guys talk regularly, I think that's really important.

I lost my mother to MS when I was 15 and although I had people around me who loved me, all the emotional stuff was kind of ignored and in hindsight (I'm 27 now) I feel like I have lots of issues that have yet to be worked through. Just because someone is functioning on a practical level, does not mean they're necessarily dealing with all the emotional aspects. Losing a loved one is very very painful and the mind/body has all sorts of coping mechanisms.

I would really recommend reading the book Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman (and maybe your daughters will be interested in reading it as well). It gives a really great insight about what it is like (it deals with different ages) - for me personally it was as if I finally felt understood (and understood myself better as well).

If there is any other help available in your area (e.g. bereavement counselling) that might be worth looking into as well.

Wishing you and your daughters a lot of strength.

expatinscotland Thu 08-Nov-12 12:07:56

I'm very sorry for your loss, Hughsie.

Our family lost our eldest child, our daughter, age 9, to leukaemia this past July.

Your GP can refer your girls for bereavement counselling. Also, Macmillan and Winston's Wish are very helpful regarding sourcing help for bereaved children and young people.

Our psychologist says that sometimes young people hide their grief from their parents to spare them further pain, so it might do them some good to talk to other people.

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