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On becoming Mary Poppins... Toddler and newborn support thread #2

(883 Posts)
ThePinkNinja Thu 08-Nov-12 09:38:53

A place to continue the complaining conversation about the hair pulling days and sleepless nights fun and frolics of life with a toddler and newborn

satsumagirl Sun 12-May-13 20:10:07

Hello, may I join this thread?

I have a DS who is almost 2.5 and a DD who is almost 6 months old. I am currently on maternity leave and unfortunately my role has been made redundant, but am looking for a job and will do some freelance consultancy starting this summer.

It is blinking hard this toddler plus newborn thing isn't it? I actually find the weekends harder than the week often. I adore my two but weirdly the days I have both of them are often easier. We have a routine, I don't have to constantly negotiate stuff with/ bicker with DH and the three of us go out and do stuff.

I'm just feeling a bit miserable at the moment. DD is EBF and won't take a bottle and I am exhausted and fed up. I feel like DH and I have no time or energy to pay any attention to each other as the demands of looking after two tiny people are so great and he works long hours. Bless him he does try to help but we are both so tired and grumpy with each other more often than I'd like.

Is this normal?

Offcolour Sun 12-May-13 20:39:32

Satsuma girl, I could have written your post. Weekends can be harder here to with dh to argue with and we don't go out as much so dd is bored. Also ebf and can't be arsed to express but not being able to do anything on my own is really starting to chafe. have been wondering if I'm getting depressed. I'm trying to get perspective and remember that the hideous first 6 months is almost over!

Ds has just cut his first tooth so I'm a bit relieved to be honest, explains why this week's been so shit! His shrieking has actually been hurting my ears (I also have ear ache).

satsumagirl Sun 12-May-13 22:24:42

Offcolour, I'm so pleased it's not just me. Everyday is a bit like a roller coaster. I have days when I feel confident and capable, then others where I want to cry all the time. The weekends are the hardest though and I am starting to dread them. I often find myself crying on at least one occasion during them. We are both so tired and snappy with each other. We have moments where we laugh or hug each other but it feels like tending to our marriage comes a long, long way down the list after taking care of our two. I'm probably as guilty of this as DH. This weekend I have had no proper time to myself and I am sick of it. It's a 24/7 365 day a week job and its making me miserable.

crazypaving Mon 13-May-13 08:14:24

satsuma girl me too! it's the relentless never-ending aspect of it. and yes, one day I can feel like I've got it figured out and we have a lovely day, and the next can be a complete disaster from start to finish. and I can never figure out what the difference was.

also ebf, also have never managed to express and give a bottle, also getting a bit itchy about the whole thing!

I sometimes wonder too if I'm getting depressed. but then I think, the first year - 18m is bloody tough. maybe feeling miserable quite often is just a completely natural reaction to a crap situation?

I hold on to the fact that it did get noticeably easier with ds1 somewhere between 12 & 18m. some days that makes me despair because I still have at least 6m of hard core to go, but then I remember that 6-12 is very different from 0-6. at least, that's what I do on good days.

on bad days I eye the open road and twitch grin

but I think from 6m we are all on the downhill slope - it's sodding bumpy though hmm

and it's so nice to know we're not alone!

Offcolour Mon 13-May-13 13:28:37

Yeah, yesterday I was in tears and I didn't know why, thought I was losing it. Had a bath, read a book (first time I'd done either in ages), dh cooked and l

Offcolour Mon 13-May-13 13:32:02

Oops!! .....dh cooked and looked after dd for a bit and I was fine. It's just the stress of never getting time off. Once they're weaned the bf-ing dependence eases up (and I will give him formula if I ever do need to leave him, as long as he'll take it) so hopefully I can get some time for me. Not much, just one afternoon, go shopping, have lunch.....then like you say crazy we're on the downhill slope to being a year old and going back to work.

debbie1412 Mon 13-May-13 17:06:53

Satsuma also ditto to your post. Dp and myself have no time together. In the evenings I'm to riled to make an effort. Things are fraught between us to say the least. Anyone know about wonder weeks we are in 26/27 she's so fussy at the mo and agitated I could bang my head of a brick wall !

Offcolour Mon 13-May-13 20:16:55

22-26.5 weeks are leap phases and week 26 has a big storm cloud on it!! Should be better very soon though smile.

satsumagirl Mon 13-May-13 21:00:49

Thank FECK it isn't just me! I had written myself off as a rubbish wife and mum.

I honestly think that the insane levels of tiredness and hormonal upheaval in the first year post baby don't help with one's moods. Huff.

Had a slightly better day. DS was at nursery and I hung out with DD. It felt like a holiday compared to the weekendwink

CailinDana Tue 14-May-13 18:14:04

Can i join? I have a dd 11 wks and a ds 2.4 yrs. Finding it incredibly tough. Going to the doc tomorrow as i think i'm depressed

crazypaving Tue 14-May-13 19:22:50

welcome cailin! this thread doesn't move very fast - probably because we're all struggling in the thick of it. good luck with the GP, hope they're helpful, and well done you for seeking help. sometimes I really wonder how anyone does this without getting depressed.

hope everyone gets a decent sleep tonight! I could use one... ds2 has somehow shredded my right nipple and it needs a break. it's agony sad

Loopyaboutmy2boys Tue 14-May-13 19:54:51

Satsuma girl, identical story here. Ds1 30 months ds2 8 months. Was self emp but sold my clients this year so nothing really to "go back to" and unsure what to do re work/ when yet. Ds2 BF and can't latch onto bottles so no prospect of any me time for the foreseeable. I would still BF till at least 12 months anyhow but the option of expressing the odd bottle for freedom would have been much appreciated!

I bust a gut all week trying to keep the house tidy, cleaning up after meals straight away etc. then every weekend the house ends up looking like a bomb site and it p's me off as if I can manage in the week, then it should be at least as tidy and clean when there are two of us here, yet Dp seems to just make more work for me. He also works long hours, so he only sees ds2 if he wakes for a feed in the night or before 7.15am and he only sees ds1 for about an hour a day (assuming a 6am wake up sad ). He also has taken barely any time off work, doesn't like doing things when he gets back from work (usually 8pm) but then complains that there are always too many jobs to be done at the weekend and we never ever get to the bottom of the to do list. So there has been plenty of friction here this last month or so too, I think it must be normal. Doesn't help that I am a terrible sleeper at the best of times, eg I was still awake at gone 11 last night, woke for no reason at 3, i was still awake when ds2 was awake from 3.30 for a short while, but he settled for Dp, I then couldn't sleep, and both boys were awake at 5.40. So I've been awake since 3am and knackered, and in bed watching tv hoping I might fall asleep to it when I stop mn ing!

debbie1412 Wed 15-May-13 17:08:28

Welcome cailin, come and have a moan to us. We seem to all be In the thick of it at the mo x

CailinDana Wed 15-May-13 18:10:29

Thanks debbie. How are you?

Offcolour Wed 15-May-13 18:59:18

Welcome cailin! I think I've moaned about this stuff to you on another thread....

Purplepassages Wed 15-May-13 19:03:22

Hello, please may I join you too?

I have a DD1, 2.3, and a DD2, 6 weeks. Things are sometimes fantastic, and sometimes completely grim - totally echo the rollercoaster feeling. Also the no time for DH/quality interaction thing - we're both tired and irritable at the moment and not really being very considerate of one another.

Yesterday was gruelling. DD2 would not be put down for more than 5 minutes without crying, and DD1 was in a gruesome mood - the low point was her lying on the pavement refusing to move, and I had DD2 in the sling - ended up picking up DD1 anyway and carrying her.

Would have felt a bit like Wonderwoman had I not accidentally passed wind with a noisy parp when I bent down to pick her up... On the plus side, it did lighten the mood rather, as DD1 started shouting "Why did Mummy trump?" and I got the giggles (once I'd ascertained that there was no passers-by, and the initial mortification passed) which cheered her up too. For a short time, anyway...

Hope the doctor was helpful today Cailin, and hope everyone gets some sort of adequate sleep tonight.

debbie1412 Wed 15-May-13 19:46:37

Purple that has made me laugh. I was like that for about 4 months :-)

crazypaving Wed 15-May-13 20:00:52

ah purple I don't know how many times I've ended up with baby in the sling and toddler kicking and screaming under my arm. I like to think I'm providing good quality free entertainment for everyone in the vicinity. and I was just saying to dh this evening that it's great having 2 small children as I can let rip whenever I want and just blame it on them grin blush

helens82 Wed 15-May-13 21:20:02

Hi. Can I join too? DS is 2 tomorrow and DD is 2 weeks.
I had elcs so no driving, lifting etc. and at the moment have help from grandparents but have no idea what to do when I'm on my own! One problem is that DS is generally good but when he doesn't want to do something he just sits down and wo.t get up. No idea how to manage this without picking him up. Might just have to.
Anyway, looking forward to shcaring mote soon.

Offcolour Wed 15-May-13 21:38:39

Delightful day of screaming today. Ds is 22 weeks tomorrow and seems to be wonder weeking big time. Scream scream scream for every nap. Up feeding atm, tried to get an early night but ds decided that 1 hr was enough to sleep after going to bed. Ffs. Dd been a fricking pita all day, taking an hour to eat her meals, arsing about and being difficult about everything. I've been a horrid, shouty, toy confiscating mum all day.

Rant over.

Hello all the new people smile.

cailin hope it went ok at the docs today.

crazypaving Thu 16-May-13 08:41:11

offcolour the toddlers seem to react to the baby being demanding don't they? when ds2 is being a nightmare ds1's behaviour always becomes absolutely atrocious and I just turn into this shrieking psychotic witch. days like that are just the worst. hope today's better for you brew

crazypaving Thu 16-May-13 08:42:36

and welcome helens! that's tough with a c-section. can you work on some strategies (bribery? 1-2-3 magic?) while you still have help so that there's less chance of having to pick him up when you're on your own?

CailinDana Thu 16-May-13 19:21:13

Extremely bad day. Being assessed by the mother and baby unit tomorrow

crazypaving Thu 16-May-13 19:43:49

sorry to hear that cailin sad hope they can offer you some practical support.

satsumagirl Fri 17-May-13 06:25:46

Seconded cailin. Hugs to you.

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