Advanced search

What's for lunch today? Take inspiration from Mumsnetters' tried-and-tested recipes in our Top Bananas! cookbook - now under £10

Find out more

Not sure if this should be in parenting or relationships...

(3 Posts)
FlipFlippingFlippers Wed 07-Nov-12 12:05:49

Basically me and Dh have very different approaches to parenting and discipline. I feel he is too tough and very critical of our Ds and yet not with older Dsd or younger Ds.

Personally I grew up with a very critical father and to this day still question whether anything I do is good enough so I may be biased.

Ds is going through a tough stage where if he is told no at anything he just cries! It's very hard work but my approach is a firm no and an explanation of why followed by distraction. Dh likes to put him on the stairs and then constantly pick on what he is doing wrong. Ds is 3.9 and very forward for his age. Was a very quick talker and is wise beyond his years. We are all guilty of expecting too much of him because of this but Dh just doesn't seem to see it. He always says "well he should know better"

I've tried bringing all this up this morning and said I want to find a compromise as we both need to use the same approach so we don't confuse Ds. He took it as a personal attack on his parenting skills and that I think he's a bad father!

Sorry if this is long, any help would be appreciated.

matana Wed 07-Nov-12 12:39:51

Choosing your moment for a discussion like that makes all the difference. At the wrong time, on the wrong day, and as a direct result of something that has just happened, my DH would take it the same way. If i wait until we are both relaxed and happy and perhaps enjoying some time out together he's much more amenable to a discussion.

We have similar issues tbh, though DS is just 2. I admit that we are slipping into good cop, bad cop and probably need compromise on both sides. I need to be a bit tougher and DH needs to soften his approach a bit. It might help you to acknowledge your own weaknesses too when you talk to him? There is no 'right' or 'wrong' in parenting, just different degrees but your DS needs to see that your different styles complement rather than conflict with each other.

FlipFlippingFlippers Wed 07-Nov-12 12:50:19

Thanks for your reply!

You could be right we are both ill at the moment. It's his inconsistency that I find difficult to be honest. I feel like he singles out Ds whereas the other two get it a bit easier. I've suggested we both read a parenting book for some ideas we can both stick to. Do you think that might help?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now