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please explain controlled crying to me.

(25 Posts)
sixkids Tue 06-Nov-12 20:41:31

my 5wk old grandaughter doesnt sleep day or night unless she is being cuddled and wakes as soon as she is put down,i heard cc is bad but also told not to keep picking baby up so how do we teach her to sleep without being cuddled? i am a mother of 6 but i always co slept with my kids.

AnyaKnowIt Tue 06-Nov-12 20:43:30

5 weeks? I'm very for CC but never for a 5 week old.

ISeeThreadPeople Tue 06-Nov-12 20:44:17

Really? Really really?

sixkids Tue 06-Nov-12 20:48:54

no we dont want to do cc but dont want her in bed,she wont sleep in cot so my daughter sits in a chair cuddling her all night and we dont know what to do,do we leave her to cry for short periods or co sleep?

sixkids Tue 06-Nov-12 20:52:16

I didnt make myself clear,is cc where you leave baby to cry and hope they fall asleep and if so how long for? or should we keep picking her up immediatley if she cries?

HumphreyCobbler Tue 06-Nov-12 20:52:41

I would co-sleep as safely as possible. Sitting up all night is dangerous due to the likelihood that your daughter may fall asleep. This is unsafe - I shared a double bed with the baby only (ds in spare room), no duvet or pillows and the baby on a sheet only, in a grow bag.

HumphreyCobbler Tue 06-Nov-12 20:53:53

CC is not recommended for children under a year old, certainly not for such a tiny baby though.

sixkids Tue 06-Nov-12 20:56:28

I slept with all my babies but had problems getting them in their own beds by age of 3yrs,my daughter doesnt want to have that problem but is scared to have baby in bed with her,shes only 16 herself and wants to do it right but doesnt know what to do and is very tired.

sixkids Tue 06-Nov-12 20:59:43

Thankyou humphreycobbler for your reply.

HumphreyCobbler Tue 06-Nov-12 21:04:49

Oh, I really feel for her.

I co-slept but my children went in their own beds at around ten months? They have always stayed in their own beds after that. Maybe your daughter could hold it in her head that they would be in their own beds before a year, and just do what she needs to get some sleep in the meantime. I think that five weeks is too little for spoiling them, your granddaughter just wants her mummy smile

Falling asleep on the sofa with a baby is high risk.

I should also add congratulations on your new granddaughter.

wanderingalbatross Tue 06-Nov-12 21:07:39

Controlled crying is when you let the baby cry but go in every few mins, gradually increasing the duration, so they learn to settle themselves to sleep. Even the strongest advocates of this method don't recommend it before 6 months, and many people say over a year.

I don't believe that sitting up with the baby all night is very safe, especially if your daughter is very tired. There are other options - how about a bedside cot? That way baby has their own bed that's difficult for an adult to roll into but it opens onto the big bed so baby is right next to your daughter.

sixkids Tue 06-Nov-12 21:10:51

Thank you so much,that sounds like good advice to try the cot before 1yr,she listens to the hv and they say not to co sleep because of cot death and she got scared. I loved spoiling my babies with cuddles but i did leave it rather late to put them in their own beds.

sixkids Tue 06-Nov-12 21:12:57

Wanderingalbatross ive never heard of the bedside cot,it sounds ideal,will google later,thanks.

wanderingalbatross Tue 06-Nov-12 21:16:58

This is the sort of thing I mean:

https://www.babysecurity.co.uk/product_images/uploaded_images/about-fullydown-FS.jpg

dementedma Tue 06-Nov-12 21:19:12

Baby is way too young for cc and personally I don't advocate it for any age.

sixkids Tue 06-Nov-12 21:27:33

wanderingalbatross WOW how have i never seen that before,its perfect,i showed my daughter and she loves it! this would be the perfect solution,she wont have to worry about harming baby but can still cuddle her,thank you so much smile

wanderingalbatross Tue 06-Nov-12 21:37:30

Glad to help smile we have one and it's been brilliant, I definitely recommend one. Co-sleeping is great for getting good sleep, and the cuddles are nice too! Hope your daughter and granddaughter get some sleep smile

wanderingalbatross Tue 06-Nov-12 21:39:02

Oh, and have a google for safe co-sleeping advice because things like keeping duvet and pillow away from baby still apply with the side cot.

sixkids Tue 06-Nov-12 21:40:55

Already googling away! smile

BertieBotts Tue 06-Nov-12 21:51:30

It is very high risk to sit with a baby in a chair or on a sofa at night for a prolonged period, even sitting up in bed. Please don't let your DD do this. It's much safer to make the baby a safe space in the bed and not worry about falling asleep then. Most children do transition fine from co-sleeping before the age of 3.

If you like the idea of a sidecar cot, most cots can be converted, I did it with mine.

You have to make sure that it stands up securely with one side removed, or it won't work, so check this first.

Then, work out a way to raise the mattress up to the height of the adult bed mattress. The safest way to do this is to raise the cot base itself, usually easiest by drilling extra holes into the cot sides to secure it at the higher position, or you can screw pieces of wood to the sides of the cot to rest the base on, like shelf supports.

Attach the cot securely to the bed, either by pushing against a wall, or tying it to the bed legs/frame. Bungee cords (like you use in a roof rack) are good but anything will do.

Push the cot mattress over so that it is flush with the adult bed mattress, and block the gap at the far side with something very firm and non-fluffy, such as tightly rolled towels.

Make sure there are absolutely no gaps between the cot and the bed, or at any corners, that the baby could get trapped in (including trapping an arm or leg). Check this EVERY night, and also things like the cot base, that it's still safely secured, or anything under the cot legs is still safely in place.

It's best not to use duvets at all near the baby, I used to cover the baby and myself with a cellular blanket, but have the duvet on my legs and feet, and wore thick pyjamas and a dressing gown to bed. If she's having the baby next to her to sleep, it's not a good idea to put them in a sleeping bag, but it's okay if they are mainly sleeping in the cot part of the bed. Swaddling isn't advised if you co sleep at all.

HTH smile

Pyrrah Wed 07-Nov-12 00:26:32

I would ditto the cot attached to the bed.

If she is breast-feeding then full co-sleeping might work for her. I co-sleep with DD and my sisters have both co-slept with all their kids.

There is a wonderful book called 'Three In A Bed' by Deborah Jackson that is all about co-sleeping - and kicking them out later!

My HV was very pro-AP and really encouraged me to co-sleep - unfortunately there is a lot of misinformation out there and a lot of parents who actually end up putting their babies at risk by falling asleep with them on chairs or sofas.

I didn't do CC or CIO, but if I had I don't think I would have thought about it for a baby younger than about 7 months. At 5 weeks they have very tiny tummies and need to be fed a lot, they are also hardwired to seek out physical contact with their mother for survival reasons, so the baby is behaving exactly as a baby of that age should.

Hugs to you all - the early weeks are so exhausting!

Impatientwino Wed 07-Nov-12 02:11:58

I have the crib that wanderingalbatross linked to - its amazing!

DS would not go in Moses at all during the night and I had resorted to letting him sleep in his buggy downstairs and I was on the sofa!

The bednest saved me and DS sleeps pretty well in it each night.

Be warned it has a big price tab - £290 but if you can afford its well worth it and they go on eBay second hand like hot cakes for around £200 so it is possible to get most of your money back if you wanted

sixkids Wed 07-Nov-12 20:24:13

Thanks to you all, my daughter put baby in bed with her last night and baby slept from 11pm til 6.30am! My daughter didnt sleep too well as was anxious but also very happy baby had slept,we have money saved for baby bits already so she can get the bedside cot.

BertieBotts Wed 07-Nov-12 22:25:50

That's great news :-) hope you can get the cot quickly so she can relax - sounds like she could do with some sleep too!

Mothpop Thu 08-Nov-12 21:26:20

I can't recommend the bednest cot enough for co-sleeping. DD was exactly like your grand daughter and after I'd slept with her in my bed for a week I realised I would have to go down this route - she was sleeping but I wasn't as I was worrying about her safety.
DD has literally just moved into a cot - she's 16 weeks now. When she was tiny I would wait until she was asleep and the put her in the cot and gradually she got used to it. Initially I had the side down and the cot next to my bed. Then I put the side up, then moved the cot away to a separate part of my room and the eventually into her own room.

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