Advanced search

What's for lunch today? Take inspiration from Mumsnetters' tried-and-tested recipes in our Top Bananas! cookbook - now under £10

Find out more

Is not going to daycare deterimental?

(30 Posts)
LoveYouForeverMyBaby Mon 05-Nov-12 17:00:48

Dc will be looked after by mil when I return to work FT. I realised how lucky we are financially to have this option.

However, others have commented that do will lack social skills etc as they will not be in a nursery/daycare environment.

Mil is in mid 60s fit and able, but not willing to take dc to more than 1 baby and toddler activity a week.

We will take dec to swimming, soft play, play dates etc on weekends.

We can't afford childcare, not even 1 day a week on a nursery.

Will dc freak out when they are 5 and go to school? Are this damaging socially somehow?

ZuleikaD Mon 05-Nov-12 17:05:06

It's not damaging at all, in fact much of the evidence is that children who are at home with one primary childcarer are more secure and quite happy when they go to nursery school at age 3 or whenever.

Bugger 'others'.

stargirl1701 Mon 05-Nov-12 17:10:43

It can do after 3 years old. Use your free hours from the government to access nursery education then. Until 3 it appears that attachment to a primary caregiver is more important.

BettyandDon Mon 05-Nov-12 17:11:01

If you are in the UK you should be able to have 15 hours free childcare once they are 3.

Based on my experience, I would say that once DC reach about 18 mos - 2 yrs, it will be hard for your MIL to keep them entertained every day as toddlers are mostly very active - she would need to be fit and healthy.

I'm not using childcare until my DD is 3, but we have an activity in the diary every morning for 1-2hours and usually playdates/shopping / park in the afternoons too. I've found a packed diary is the only way to keep myself and my DD sane (as opposed to necessarily for development per ce).

cornybeefhash Mon 05-Nov-12 17:12:49

no it's not detrimental in any way

MIL can take dc to toddler groups anyway

LoveYouForeverMyBaby Mon 05-Nov-12 18:51:03

Thank you everyone. betty thats a shame and very upsetting to hear as mil is our only option until dc is 3 and we can use our free nursery hrs, however thats great news about the free nursery hrs. Means mil will only have to look after dc ft for 2 years. Thank you for the reassurance.

trixie123 Wed 07-Nov-12 10:51:38

I would agree that your MIL may find she wants to take her to groups and things as it is actually easier - they entertain themselves more and you can treat the journey as a separate activity etc. Otherwise the days are LOOONNGGGG! I don't know about detrimental or not from any serious study but it would seem to me that the 15hrs once they are free are a good stepping stone to school, otherwise it'll be a bit of a shock at 4 to go from 100% 1-1 to 1-20 odd!

LoveYouForeverMyBaby Wed 07-Nov-12 11:00:58

Thank you. Doesntproper school start at 5 not 4? I really do hope mil does take dd to more than 1 activity a work week.

MarshaBrady Wed 07-Nov-12 11:02:36


Your mil might appreciate a break when the free nursery hours kick in however.

ZuleikaD Wed 07-Nov-12 11:27:22

Proper school starts in the September of the school year during which your child is 5 years old. So if your child was born in August, they'll go to school only a month after being 4 because they'll be 5 during that school year.

LoveYouForeverMyBaby Wed 07-Nov-12 13:33:57

Ooh I see, thank you. But of dc is born in sept- Dec for example then they'll turn 5 soon after that right?

NotALondoner Wed 07-Nov-12 13:39:43

yes, that's right.

neither of mine went to nursery or anything else, they just turned up at school, they had no problems.

ZuleikaD Wed 07-Nov-12 14:40:25

Yes, that's right LoveYou - but they will still be 4yo when they start.

LoveYouForeverMyBaby Wed 07-Nov-12 22:39:02

Ahh that helps thank you!

amarylisnightandday Wed 07-Nov-12 22:50:24

I wouldn't say group care is essential but IMO regular exposure to other children is. Dd1 has got the most (she is 3) out of spending time every week with a group of other similar ages kids. I met the other mums at a baby class and it went from there. For a year we just hung out all together for one day a week and this progressed into various other stuff and some structured activities. The activities were personal choices but the socialising with other kids was v significant.

You could do some research and compile mil a list of every activity available in your area and leave it to her to choose? I know my mum would turn her nose up at a lot of stuff on offer but after she'd been having dd a while she got braver and took her to a stay and play session at her local sure start which turned out to be quite a few grandmas looking after small folk and dd and dm love it!
Some activities are def more than friendly than others - library based stuff can work well for example.

Your dc will need a balance. My dd really appreciates her one to one time with grandma at her house doing craft stuff and reading stories etc and other more sedate activities - she is enviably well behaved there too! But.....she also needs her time in the week charging around with other kids.

FamiliesShareGerms Wed 07-Nov-12 22:54:59

Exactly what amaryllis said

Ozziegirly Thu 08-Nov-12 03:30:31

I agree with amarylis too. My DS is 2 and doesn't have any daycare. But we see friends for park and swimming on a Monday, normally meet friends on a Tuesday, have playgroup on a Wednesday (where there is a little group of Grans with their charges) and music on a Friday.

I think it's important to have a mixture of unstructured playtime with other children, plus time alone with me to potter about, plus starting to introduce some more structured activities where they learn that they have to follow basic rules, listen to other adults, co-operate etc.

Plus, like many said above, it's way less tiring and more fun to take children along to activities than it is to just have them at home all day.

ZuleikaD Thu 08-Nov-12 05:57:26

I completely disagree. DD was at home with me until she started her 15 free hours in September. We have never been to a single 'group' and the only other children she met (other than her sibling) were the children of friends perhaps a dozen times a year. No playdates, no swimming lessons, nothing. And btw it's not that tiring to have them at home - your MIL will be fine.

Anyway, she's started nursery school and has had absolutely no problems at all and in fact has settled in far better than most of the children who've already been at nursery for some time. Her relationships with the other children are excellent and her general social skills far better than theirs. Children are actually pretty terrible at communicating with each other - if you think about how hard it can be following someone else's 3yo's train of thought and understanding where they're coming from, they actually benefit far more and advance far more from social interaction with adults than they do with each other.

amarylisnightandday Thu 08-Nov-12 08:10:07

The purpose of having other kids to play with isn't to stop them having issues when thru finally go to nursery. It's about quality of life in the present.

This business I read on mn often about ore schoolers not needing friends is rubbish. Dd is v attached to her friends that she's played with since 10 months and at around 2 her and one of the boys became best friends and have been ever since. I didn't know life would turn out this way but looking back I'd be sad if at 3 dd had no special friends and all the dozens if experiences she has shared with her little friends. That's how my ils do it though sad all dds cousins never have a friend until they go to school and thru have birthday parties with no other kids. Sod that sad

Welovecouscous Thu 08-Nov-12 08:20:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WitchesTit Thu 08-Nov-12 09:19:37

Until children are 2ish they don't really interact with other children anyway.

Your child will pick up social skills from going out with mil, watching the way she talks to people and has contact with the big wide world.

Going to the shops or library or even just walking about, saying hello to neighbours etc can be a stimulating and socialising activity for a baby.

I spend the day with my ds who is 22 months and we don't do any playgroups at all, yet our day is full of activities, shopping, library, interaction with neighbours and people we meet in town, playing, gardening and cooking, and he is becoming a very sociable little boy.

Goldmandra Thu 08-Nov-12 10:03:53

Young children learn most from interacting with and listening to the adults around them.

If your MIL is doing lots of interesting activities with your DD, letting her help with household chores, growing things together, doing puzzles, going shopping, reading books, playing with messy things, cooking, library visits etc she will be engaged and learning lots of really important things, including great social skills.

If she's taking her to a toddler group or similar once a week that's just a bonus which she'll probably enjoy and give MIL some welcome grown-up interaction.

She'll also be getting social interaction with other children at weekends so she won't be missing out.

Having consistent one to one attention from an adult who loves her and enjoys discovering the world alongside her is priceless and something she wouldn't get in any group childcare. This is the ideal childcare and will give her the love of learning, security and resilience she will need to do well in a school environment.

She is a very lucky girl and will be fine.

LoveYouForeverMyBaby Thu 08-Nov-12 10:59:03

Thank you to those who have helped reassure my fears. We simply have no choice but to have mil look after dd til she's 3 then she can use her free hrs so its only 2 years of 3 formal activities a week - rhyme time with mil and swiimming and soft play with us on the weekend. Hopefully that will be enough. Mil said she's planning on taking her park, library, shopping, feeding the ducks etc, hopefully that will be enough Mon-Fri with a rhyme time for 2 years.

Welovecouscous Thu 08-Nov-12 13:33:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GreatAuntMaud Thu 08-Nov-12 13:42:20

No these "others" you speak of are wrong. Baby groups aren't strictly necessary, I didn't like them and used to miss them for months and months sometimes. Maybe my DC are unusual but they were content to potter about the house, run errands with me etc. No planned activities just for them usually. They have turned out well and settled into school easily when they joined.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now