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How do you know if you're a good mum?

(9 Posts)
tory79 Wed 31-Oct-12 19:17:22

Just that really!

Ds is 13 months and I worry everyday that I don't play with him enough or do the right activities with him or feed him the right food or talk to him enough etc etc

I worry he's bored, or I'm failing him somehow.

I feel worse than usual as a. It's half term so no classes and b. we just got back from Florida last week and surely days in the house with mummy can't compete with disney world.

Ds is just eating a crayon after finishing his dinner which consisted mainly of yoghurt and fruit after rejecting all bar a few tiny nibbles of the main course.

How do you know you're doing ok?

QTPie Wed 31-Oct-12 19:21:57

Because you care as much as you obviously do? You question your own parenting and look for ways to improve.

Everyone has ups and downs at parenting, but it is a marathon rather than a sprint - so always look at the bigger picture.

13 month old babies don't need constant stimulation - chewing a crayon with mummy can be a lovely way to unwind ;)

zillyzilly Wed 31-Oct-12 19:24:02

Because I'm on mn. Seriously! I do my research. And what QTPie says.

horsebiscuit Wed 31-Oct-12 19:25:12

You don't need to be a good mum. You just need to be good enough.
Don't beat yourself up trying to reach some insane perfection which probably doesn't exist anyway.

HearMyRoar Wed 31-Oct-12 19:47:10

Horsebiscuit is right this 'good mother' business is tosh.

You know your a good mum because your child is fed, watered, warm and most of all loved. That's all there is to it really I think. In the long run I am not convinced it really makes a huge amount of differance how much time you spend doing fabulously exciting things, I am not even convinced it matters whether you work or stay at home, or if you take your kids to disney world or just sit about the house eating crayons.

What matters is that your ds is niether starving or abused and knows you care and that you are there for him. Stop stressing about it and just enjoy the piece and quite while he destroys some stationary smile

Nitwit Wed 31-Oct-12 19:49:20

Mine have survived, 18 and 11 years! How good is that? grin

Misty9 Wed 31-Oct-12 21:04:04

Like the others said, you only need to be good enough.
But, I get where you're coming from - ds is 13 months too and I often feel guilty when he's playing by himself while I veg on the sofa on the Internet! You can't be interacting with them all the time (not and keep your sanity) and its healthy for children to experience boredom and entertain themselves smile
I do find bursts of interacting are enough to top him up, so to speak, then he'll happily crawl off.

Ultimately the job feedback is a few years coming as a mother - by which point it's too late to change what you're doing! I struggle with this, having followed a career which involves constant assessment and feedback. As a pp said though, you have to really try quite hard to screw kids up - as long as they're loved and have their basic needs met, the rest is bells and whistles :D

DorsetKnob Wed 31-Oct-12 21:06:36

You asked which is the sign of a good mother because you care.

Ilovemydogandmydoglovesme Wed 31-Oct-12 21:18:56

I'm an awful mummy. I offered a sweet to a little girl at a Halloween party today and her mother politely but sternly declined. Obviously I'm terrible for feeding my children sweets. At a party. Because of course we live on them the rest of the time too.

she'd probably had enough after all the cake she'd crammed in

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