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Do i tell 5yr DD about stranger danger?

(7 Posts)
BlackyB Tue 30-Oct-12 21:52:54

DD recently came home from school and started asking lots of strange questions such as do I love her, why are there mean people in the world and does daddy love me. Freaked me out. Turns out an older girl at school has had the chat with her mummy about stranger danger and staying safe but DD didn't understand really what it all meant. Don't know the exact content of converstion or have much detail was invloved but DH says she's too young for this chat and it will scare her to bits. Now the issue has been raised can't stop thinking about it. Do I sit and have a converstion with her? Or is she too young for this?

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Tue 30-Oct-12 21:57:32

I'm not sure that 'stranger danger' is really the right message at any age. The majority of assaults are committed by someone known and trusted by the family. We always taught our kids that it was OK to say 'No', it was OK to say it loudly if needs be, it was OK to not let someone touch, kiss, coerce them into something they didn't want to do. We taught them that their bodies were their own and no-one else had the right to touch them in a way that made them feel uncomfortable and that we, as parents, would ALWAYS listen to them and believe them. There were a few sticky moments when they said no to kissing granny goodbye but we explained it to the adult concerned and on the whole, our wishes met with approval.

housesalehelp Tue 30-Oct-12 22:00:25

the first thing I think to remember that strangers are not really the issue - most "bad" things happen to children by people known to them
at that age you could make it quite clear that she should never go with anyone unless you or DH have said its ok

sausagesandwich34 Tue 30-Oct-12 22:02:07

stranger danger winds me up

when you are out and about and you hear parents telling their children to stay close incase someone stals them away! -good message to give your dcs hmm

I fully agree that the best way to deal with this is to give your DC a strong sense of self and personal respect and telling them it's ok to say no -rather than freaking them out with tales of bad men that steal children and do bad things to them

BoysBoysBoysAndMe Tue 30-Oct-12 22:27:58

I think now the subject has been broached, if you don't want to go into too much detail you could just say that there are some bad people in the world and its daddy and my job to keep you safe.

You don't need to go into too much detail. Especially if she's young enough to be with you or your dh most of the time.

Recently my 2 boys were sharing a bath and ds1 touched ds2 willy messing about. Now I know it's completely innocent and he was only playing, but I did say to ds1 that he's not allowed to touch any willy apart from his own, and no one is allowed to touch his.

He also knows he's not allowed to run off while we're out and around corners where I can't see him etc

But I also make sure he knows he can speak to me about anything. That he shouldn't keep secrets from me and I want to know if by one hurts him, and he can tell me the truth about anything.

I've really laid it on thick that he must be truthful and honest and if something is making him sad, unhappy, worried etc he must tell me so I can make him happy again.

It's such a difficult subject for little ones and not one I enjoy but feel it is necessary unfortunately.

BlackyB Wed 31-Oct-12 21:07:49

Thanks for that. I know 'stranger danger' isn't the problem anymore but people you think you know. This is the issue that I think scares me more than it would her that the person is known by you. I am trying to bring up confident self secure kids which I think is the best way for them to be self aware. Just need to stop dithering and approach it with care. I think?

LapsedPacifist Wed 31-Oct-12 21:18:43

We were taught about "stranger danger" as young kids, but no-one EVER suggested it was acceptable to disagree with or say no to an adult in a position of authority. Quite the opposite in fact. We were brought up to OBEY, and not answer back. My parents ALWAYS believed the word of an adult (i.e. teacher) rather than their own children.

This even continued into adulthood - if I ever had problems with a boss at work it was always because I had done something wrong - the "Boss" was in charge and obviously knew best.

Actually, it's still like that now. I'm a 51 year old mature undergraduate, and told my mum (84) about a seminar where I'd been asked by the course leader to talk to my class (a seminar on the iconography of Stonehenge) about the Battle of the Beanfield - because I remembered the event and had friends who were actually there - and she said:

"Oh! You must be very careful not to sound too arrogant in front of your lecturers - you will be marked down if they think you are being too clever"......

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