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I'm a nag and I don't want to be.

(11 Posts)
JustFabulous Sun 28-Oct-12 18:57:18

I nag my children over and over to do stuff. I think they tune out most of the time as they don't do as I ask and I have to ask over and over. I hear myself sometimes and you wouldn't even think I liked them never mind loved them. I am just fed up with being made to feel like the hired help and the fun spoiler.

Inneedofbrandy Sun 28-Oct-12 19:01:03

Draw up a list of things they have to do everyday and a few set jobs, pay them daily when they get done. Stop nagging and wait for them to click that if they hang their coats up/ take there plates out they get something.

Sometimes bribery works grin

midseasonsale Sun 28-Oct-12 19:09:46

I know it's frustrating isn't it!

I tend to make a request and explain why, if request is ignored I repeat request again, then count down 3 2 1 and then it's time out at zero (or withdrawal of something).

midseasonsale Sun 28-Oct-12 19:13:00

Also the usual things I have read - make eye contact, have child full attention when making request, be close. Sometimes waiting expectantly helps or setting a timer telling them 'you have another 5 mins of tv then you turn it off and come for tea when the alarm beeps'

JustFabulous Sun 28-Oct-12 19:16:11

We have started giving pocket money. They had a set amount but were expected to do certain jobs. It was one job a day for 2 of the kids so the 3rd got the day off. So they all had 2 days off a week. Didn't get done. Tried paying per job. That didn't work. Reduced the pocket money and DH told them they would be expected to do whatever jobs they were asked. Need to remind them of that when I give them their money tomorrow. We found they would rather have no money than have to work for it. Not the idea I had in mind.

The things I am most rubbish at -

getting them to do as I ask.
getting them to stop talking/arguing/bickering when I want to speak.
getting them to stop answering me back everytime I speak to them.
ignoring the annoying behaviour, tale telling, etc etc.

The things they are good at -

winding me up.
laughing at me when I am telling them off.
fighting with each other.

sommewhereelse Sun 28-Oct-12 19:25:06

I don't like the idea of paying kids for regular jobs that they should be doing anyway. I think it's ok for one off or extra-help eg helping with clearing up the leaves in the garden or washing the car.
I've started leaving their breakfast plates on the table when they don't clear them away. Come lunchtime, if it's still there, I say 'Oh, I thought you left it because you wanted to eat of a dirty plate'. It soon gets put in the right place! It is so hard to resist quickly clearing stuff away. I work from home and this means sometimes I have to step over dirty underwear which has been left trailing on the landing several time before DCs get home from school. But I tell myself I'll be glad in the long run.

sommewhereelse Sun 28-Oct-12 19:25:39

eat off

JustFabulous Sun 28-Oct-12 20:04:14

I have started leaving the clothes in individual piles in the lounge and waited to see how long it was before the took them and put them away. I have told them I will wash, dry and fold up their clothes but they have to put them away. They have been doing it for a while but ds1 is a bugger for it and will shove them all in one drawer then moan he has no pants, will put clean clothes in the wash instead of away and is a messy sod.

DS1 has started unloading the dishwasher nearly every time it is done because he likes loading it. I decided I was doing far too much for them and this was something they should be able to do after reading the article about a mum who went on strike. Her dd was extremely rude and entitled and I so don't want mine to be more than they are.

sommewhereelse Sun 28-Oct-12 20:12:56

Is that the American woman with two DDs, whose husband went on strike too?
She admitted herself that she left it rather late and had to be radical.
How old are your DCs? I think that you can achieve a lot if you just introduce one responsability a month until it becomes a habit.
I also find that that it is more effective to ask once and then just wait until your DCs need you to help them and say 'Yes, of course, once you've done x which I asked you to 3 hours ago' than to keep on asking.

JustFabulous Sun 28-Oct-12 20:16:26

No, this was someone different. She has a boy and a girl.

They are seven, nine and eleven. The older one has been asking me to show him how to use the washer but I have resisted. It isn't a difficult job and at the moment with the potential to ruin expensive school uniform I will leave it with him doing the dishwasher and a bit of baking. He has also cleaned the piggies out for the last 2-3 weeks. He is growing up. Behaving better. Your lasy sentences are a brilliant idea and I will use that, thank you.

sommewhereelse Mon 29-Oct-12 06:27:13

You could perhaps give him responsability for sheets and/or towels in the washing machine? It's a shame to say no when they are motivated....

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