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Sunday morning musings...

(28 Posts)
DozeyRose Sun 28-Oct-12 08:26:04

Just curious, those with girls. Do you actively encourage your daughters not to be 'too girly' so as not to fall in to the cliché princess, sparkly glittery path iykwim?

I ask this because I have several friends with girls, who purposely avoid anything pink. They buy boyish shoes, scooters, jackets etc.. Some of them I know do it for practical reasons (so they can pass along to siblings), but most of those just don't want their girl's to be 'girly'

Now, I don't have a problem with it - each to their own. But it intrigues me. I have a girl and I hate pink overkill, but I thinks it's natural to wander towards the princess isles of a shop, or go straight to the girls section at a shoe shop. For me anyway..

My daughter doesn't choose her clothes as she is still young (5), so she is into girly outfits because thats all she knows. However, I wouldn't be against her adopting the more 'tom boy' look when she's older.

As I say, just sitting here wondering...:-)

0liverb0liverbuttface Sun 28-Oct-12 08:30:42

No, I was a Tom boy - hated pink and girly - was quite surprised by the pink revolution when it arrived but have just gone with it and it is now dying out. They're 7 & 8 now.

I let mine find their own level.

GoOooooooooonatic Sun 28-Oct-12 08:31:43

Clothes wise I veer towards H & M or M & S if feeling rich, they don't do too many pinky type things I suppose now thinking about it. Have never really thought about it, I buy what they both like and then dd2 gets dd1's hand me downs and is always delighted to find a new bag of clothes for her!
Toys wise, they choose what they like, dd1 is star wars, moshi monsters, dd2 is baby stuff, pink things, play dough etc.
So I dont have a clue if that answered your question but hth!!!!!!

Read your post again...... No I don't!!!

ScaryBeardyDeadyman Sun 28-Oct-12 08:39:34

There's nothing natural about gravitating towards any colour, it's a learned behavior.

I like to give dd choices. Sometimes she chooses pink, sometimes blue, sometimes a totally different colour.

As for princess stuff, she wants to be a pirate thanks to kwazii the octonaut grin

RillaBlythe Sun 28-Oct-12 08:43:24

YY to there is nothing 'natural' about gravitating towards pink.

I tend to avoid pink if I am choosing for dd but when ahe is making her own choices I don't block her going for pink.

FaintingGhost Sun 28-Oct-12 08:49:10

I was always put in dresses as a child, mum used to make them, so they were all frilly and horrid.

DD is only 15mo and we were very lucky to be given lots of clothes that her cousins had worn, so she wears whatever there is. She's now growing out of those and we will soon have to start shopping for her clothes. I won't avoid pink, but I won't seek it out either.

I'm more concerned with the type of toys she plays with, to be honest. I absolutely KNEW that MIL would buy her a baby doll for her first birthday. I just hope she doesn't follow it up with toy hoover, iron and ironing board etc - I hate housework related toys for girls, I think it sends the wrong message from an early age.

Flisspaps Sun 28-Oct-12 08:52:01

I avoid buying pink princessy stuff for my 2yo DD. Others don't though so it's not as if there's no pink allowed at all. She chooses her own clothes sometimes and might pick jeans and a football shirt, or a party dress. She loves cars, diggers, wellies and her dolls.

Gravitating towards the pink aisle or shoe shops is not a naturally girly thing to do though, it's what you've been conditioned to think is natural!

Fluffyfish Sun 28-Oct-12 08:52:02

I don't buy pink because all the presents fr GPs and family seem to be pink and I wan't it at least balanced out with other colours. Except Peppa pig stuff. dd loves Peppa and Peppa is a pig and pigs are pink, hence pink Peppa duvet cover etc

DozeyRose Sun 28-Oct-12 09:03:33

I appreciate that it is more conditioning. But why do some parents purposely avoid pink and princessy things completely? Is it to prove a point and go against what is 'expected'? or do you the adult generally not like it? This is a general question not directed at anyone.

I guess I am conditioned. But I'm not against girls playing with 'boys toys' or vice versa. I do however, enjoy buying my daughter girly clothes. But I prefer the more neutral colours though. I wouldn't contemplate boys clothes for her, not while I have the say.

0liverb0liverbuttface Sun 28-Oct-12 09:10:15

scary yes I agree, it is totally learned. DD1 loved Thomas when she was 3, had Thomas books, a Thomas hat and a blue Thomas rucksack that was her pride and joy...then one day she cAme home from nursery and gave me the hat and rucksack and told me that she didn't want them anymore, because they weren't for girls because they were blue not pink...I was shock as I had naively thought that my use of blue and yellow etc would stop the 'pink thing' from happening.

I had to learn to be chilled about it - so adopted a policy of not personally focussing on pink but not banning I either and it seems to have worked as DD1's fav colour is blue and DD2's is orange. But we did have a very intense pink phase!

poocatcherchampion Sun 28-Oct-12 09:10:33

I do it for both reasons i guess - both to prove a point and because I don't do pale pink really. I bought blue long sleeved vests for dd as they are a nice colour and match; but most clothes I buy are not pink. Or at least not as the main colour. Dd only wears dresses or dungarees so far though as I can't get trousers to fit and leggings require socks. In spite of this lots of people admire my boy.

PeggyCarter Sun 28-Oct-12 09:12:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeggyCarter Sun 28-Oct-12 09:13:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ambi Sun 28-Oct-12 09:28:16

DD only wears dresses and skirts for parties and school, otherwise it's jeans here. I did avoid pink for most baby items on the pretext that I may have a boy next. She naturally gravitated towards cars and trains to play with. She's not overly girly but I do like to dress her up occasionally.

Flisspaps Sun 28-Oct-12 10:42:36

Dozey I read 'There's a good girl' by Marianne Grabrucker.

It's not just about pink, it's lots of little things that you don't think about normally. Pink toys are usually dolls, home play stuff, princesses. The 'boy' aisle has Lego (not the pink Lego friends stuff), DIY stuff, science sets - the exciting stuff.

Little girls in girly clothes are told 'Oh, that's a pretty dress. How beautiful do you look?' Usually as an opening comment. It places all the emphasis on looks. 'Mind you don't get your dress dirty'. Little boys don't get the same comments. I found it quite eye opening.

TheLateMrPamuk Sun 28-Oct-12 10:46:09

I have one dd who is into Dr Who, Lego and pirates.
I have one dd who is into Monster High, clothes and doing her hair.

smile.

Fluffyfish Sun 28-Oct-12 10:51:24

Even in dresses dd got called a boy by strangers until 18mos. Unless they were pink.

I don't mind princesses per se except they are so bloody insipid and being saved by knights and princes. The strong willed princesses - absolutely ok.

GodisaDJeatingaToffeeApple Sun 28-Oct-12 11:08:54

I've heard of that book and keep meaning to get it. I cringe at the ELC catalogue and adverts every time I see them, to them they make two of everything: bbq's, ball pits, kitchens etc, one in Pink = for girls, one in blue = for boys. I just don't get it.

In answer to why I choose not to buy DD pink clothes I suppose i did when she was younger (well got given shed loads of clothes and she wore everything) but i never really liked the look, it was like pink didn't suit her, or her personality (she's always dirty, food or messiness just attracts to her). I don't wear pink myself either and so don't really buy pink clothes for her anymore (now 15 months). She obviously can't choose her clothes yet but I will let her do so when she's older.

I'm not a lover of logos on tops either and kids clothes seem to have them everywhere. Obviously this is our preference, some people love the logos or characters like Micky mouse, peppa pig, thomas etc, its just not my taste personally.

Currently dd has jeans and a cream sweater jumper with small orange/purple flowers on it, and is wearing an orange dribble bib and orange socks!

lolalotta Mon 29-Oct-12 06:35:44

I actively avoid buying pink for my DD. I don't like the colour myself and think it can look cheap when girls are dressed head to foot in pink! It get annoyed in Clarks when it can be so difficult to find shoes for toddlers that aren't pink or have some pink embellishment on them!!!

GodisaDJeatingaToffeeApple Mon 29-Oct-12 09:50:54

lolalotta I'm the same in Clarks! I got red ones from some independent shoe shop, brand was First Right / Right Feet - something like that.

I agree with you about pink looking a tad cheap if dressed head to foot in in. I wanted some black leggings for DD and it took me ages to find some (tend to sell them from 3 years old in shops. DD is 14 months); managed to get some from Primark of all places. There was still pink everywhere though!

lolalotta Mon 29-Oct-12 20:01:51

GodisaDJ I actually gave up on Clarks in the end and try and buy Start-Right shoes from Russell and Bromley, a bit pricey but they aren't pink and look smart with so many more outfits as they are a simple navy traditional style! This is what she is in at the moment and she looks like a little dolly in them! grin
www.startriteshoes.com/girls/first-walking-shoes/jo
Mini Boden do some nice things for girls that aren't pink BTW! wink

lolalotta Mon 29-Oct-12 20:04:51

Oh and Next online is worth checking out for basics like leggings, they have a wider range than what is available in store and might do little sizes too! smile

Mathsdidi Mon 29-Oct-12 20:19:12

Dd1 had a pink princess stage when she was about 4. I think it was triggered by starting nursery/reception and that's what most of the other girls had/liked. It didn't last particularly long before she realised that tracksuits were not only more practical but also warmer and more comfortable. She now at 13 lives in jeans and jumpers. She looks at people as if they've gone mad if they suggest she might wear a skirt or dress.

Dd2 is 2.5 and for a couple of months had a bit of a pink obsession although we've never pushed pink as being for girls. She's now moved on to green being her favourite colour, her boots are blue camo furry things (they look great but are definitely 'boys' shoes) and she refuses to leave the house unless she's wearing jeans and dinosaur socks hmm.

To answer your op, yes I actively avoid pink because I know they get so much pink from other places. I feel the need to balance that out with other colours and interests that are not 'girly' although dd2 does have a toy cooker so she can 'cook like daddy' (I tend not to do any cooking)

tethersend Mon 29-Oct-12 20:31:16

"Pink toys are usually dolls, home play stuff, princesses. The 'boy' aisle has Lego (not the pink Lego friends stuff), DIY stuff, science sets - the exciting stuff."

Fliss, is this from the book? I have an issue with it... Why on earth are science sets and DIY stuff more exciting than dolls and home play stuff?!

Sorry, don't mean to focus on you, but I think some of the anti-pink sentiments are well meaning but misguided in their execution; by denigrating everything 'girly', not only do they reinforce society's assertion that male roles are more important, but they are actively reinforcing the division of roles into 'male' and 'female'; precisely the opposite of our intentions.

Put succinctly, equality in childhood will only be achieved when boys wear pink and plait each others hair. Giving girls the message that traditionally 'male' activities /toys are somehow more worthy than traditionally 'female' activities/toys is wrong. The activities you describe (DIY, science sets etc.) are not more exciting than dolls and homeplay- they are just thought to be more exciting as they have a higher status acquired by being synonymous with boys & men.

If we continue to look down on 'girly' toys and activities (and colours) the same way boys and men have for generations, we are exacerbating the problem, not challenging it.

lolalotta Mon 29-Oct-12 20:35:47

My dd has a wooden toy cooker (couldn't live with a pink one) and her little boy friends who come over enjoy it just as much as her girl friends! The boys love her baby doll too and the pushchair, I think it's sad when homemaking toys aren't made available for boys too. sad

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