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What to tell about friend that was born through sperm donor IVF

(5 Posts)
MagicMN Fri 26-Oct-12 22:39:48

Two years ago, a lady moved near our house. I became quite friend with her and our two girls are quite friends now too. The girl was born through IVF, with sperm donor. The mother has never ever had a boyfriend (ir a girlfriend). My DD is 4 and her DD is 2. Only recently my DD has started asking me where J's dad is.
I really do not know what to say. What should i explain to her? Any tips on how to talk about it?

AitchDee Fri 26-Oct-12 22:42:01


J's Daddy doesn't live with her, she only has a mummy.

Your daughter is 4, not 14, and doesn't need a more elaborate answer than that.

DeadQODy Fri 26-Oct-12 22:44:56

Exactly what HD said ... It's not for YOU to tell anyone who or how the child came about.
My dd is a straight surrogate baby, I always told her, you can't untell what's told, she is now not friends with a primary school girl who knows DD has 2 mums but doesn't know how and DD hates her knowing.

If you tell your dd its not YOUR secret/personal thing to tell


lola88 Fri 26-Oct-12 23:04:44

I would ask your friend what she would like you to say, just be up front tell her DD is asking and you want to check with her before saying anything. My niece doesn't have a dad he buggered off before she was born and is now dead we have always told her and anyone who asked the truth.

I'm sure this lady has already thought about what to tell her daughter you don't want to conflict with this.

expansivegirth Fri 02-Nov-12 16:19:53

As above: ask the friend what to say. But in the meantime you can just explain to your daughter that there are all sorts of families, and some have a mummy and a daddy and some have two mummies and some have just one mummy.... there are even books like 'All kinds of families' that say just this in a very nicely illustrated way. The mother will be confronting this kind of question more and more now, and if her daughter is starting school it will come up there as well, so she's bound to have thought about it (and if not, perhaps this will be a helpful prompt).

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